A Casual Chat with You About Developing Your EF Skills – 102
May 04, 2022Are you on the Information List for the ADDventures In Achievement Program? If you are, then you've been receiving some exclusive emails this week. As I was reviewing the emails you've been receiving again, I was thinking about how easy it would be for you to not believe what I'm saying in the emails, and maybe not even believe what I say in my podcast show, because if you're in your 30s or 40s, or older like me, you've had a lot of years of experiences in which things haven't really worked well. Otherwise, I can't imagine that you would be looking for more help.
For this podcast episode, I've decided to keep it casual this week and just talk with you guys. Enjoy!
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
A Casual Chat with You About Developing Your EF Skills – 102
If you're on the Information List for ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, then you've been receiving some exclusive emails this week. And I was thinking, as I was reviewing the emails you've been receiving again, how it would be very easy for you to not believe what I'm saying in the emails, and maybe not even believe what I say in my podcast show because after all, if you're in your 30s or 40s, or 50s or older, like me, my 70s, you've had a lot of years of experiences in which things haven't really worked well. Because otherwise, I can't imagine that you would be looking for more help.
So, if I go with the assumption for the moment that you're looking for more help, because you're looking for a solution, and you're looking for something that actually would help you because nothing actually has, that you've done over the years, and you're just sick and tired of having things not be what people say they are, I hear you. I had the same feelings when I was looking. And there just wasn't anything, when I was looking years and years ago. And even when I look now to see what's there. What's there, if I was in the market to get help, whether I was diagnosed with ADHD or I understood that my planning and scheduling and working memory and my ability to inhibit and my ability to make good decisions and all these other things wasn't up to par. If I'm out there looking, I don't see anything that I would sign up for, quite frankly, except the program I created. And this isn't me tooting my own horn. That's not what this episode is about. Instead, it's me telling you my experience of being in your shoes and shopping and looking and remembering all the limiting beliefs that I used to have and what I believed was possible or wasn't possible for me. And that really worked against me. Because even if I found something that potentially could be helpful. I didn't believe it would help me. Why should I? Nothing had helped me up to then. So why should I believe that that would; it's ridiculous.
But see all the limiting beliefs that I used to have about what could work for me and what was possible for me and what could I achieve and all of that. I had years and years of life experiences that told me that nothing worked. And if I relied on all those past experiences of what didn't work, and then I use that and projected that into the now and said, “so here's something I'm being offered. That looks really great. And it's telling me that this will actually help me. This will actually transform my life. This will actually give me the life that I've been seeking for years. And all I need to do is enroll and follow this very specific process within a community of like-minded people that are all doing the same work and allow it to work and allow it to change me. Because if I were to do the work, it's going to change me. That's what I'm told. And how could I trust that? Honestly, how can I trust that and how can I believe that? If other people haven’t said similar things to me, how do I know that this is true? Because if I believed the other people and that it was true, and I went along with it, and I was disappointed because it wasn't true. Then I'm filtering how I'm reading the information that's being offered to me now, from the Information List; through that lens.”
And I'm telling myself, “Dr B, it sounds really, really good. Look at everything that's offered. Look at everything that's going to be covered. You're gonna get an executive function assessment. You're gonna get to write two pages about your life. You're going to get a personalized video explaining to you the results of your executive function assessment in light of what you wrote in your two pages and then you're gonna get if you're in early enrollment, which is the month of May.”
If you're in early enrollment, you're going to immediately get access to three full hours….in fact, a little bit more with a comprehensive workbook of that much training, to kickstart your understanding of executive functions and things for you to think about and consider about your journey so far. And you're gonna get to learn things in those three plus hours of training, as well as some hand selected podcasts, top 10 podcasts that relate to this journey. There's a lot that I would get to benefit from even before the program starts and then when the program starts and I've got my executive function results. And we kick start with a training on my limiting beliefs and my outdated identities which is who I think I am or who I believe I am and what I believe is or is impossible for me. Whether I believe that it is or it isn't. It's true. Because beliefs and habits are going to run my life just like they do for you. And so, if I'm not aware of all my limiting beliefs that are holding me back, if I'm not aware of all my outdated identities that are holding me back then I could be given the greatest opportunity, and it isn't gonna matter if those don't get addressed straight away. It's why they get addressed straight away for an entire week. Because I want to get those teased out of you. And I want to take, I want to hit them head on. I want to address them head on. I want you to see what's limiting you in what you believe. And I want to help you to transform those limiting beliefs so they don't hold you back from the success in the program and generally in your life.
And same thing with your outdated identities. If you feel like a victim. If you feel limited, if you feel broken, if you feel defective, if you say those kinds of things about yourself with a bunch of “I am” statements – “I'm defective. I'm lazy. I'm broken. I'm this. I'm that - those are all identity statements. And if you say that's who you are, identity is king or queen, and behavior and feeling and thoughts follow.
And so, in the very first week of the program, this where we start, I don't leave things to chance and I've arranged the program in a very specific order, so that we one by one, address the issues and we take care of what those issues are. So that we clear the path clear the path clear the path, clear the path for everything that's coming next. So that you won't be held back by limiting stuff. Because after all, you're interested in this program because you don't want to be limited anymore.
I read every single form and the information that everyone puts on the Information List form, about the struggles about what's going on everything you share with me. I read every single one of them and there's a lot of them that are coming through. I read them all because I want to know what you're struggling with. And if I'm going to see you in the program, I already know a little bit about you. I'm gonna get to know so much more with the two pages and with the executive function assessment. And then I'm gonna get to know even more in working with your limiting beliefs and your outdated identities. And then I'm gonna get to know more when I want to work through your pre-skill training on making better decisions, knowing they’re better decisions, managing yourself managing time, dealing with your procrastination. I'm going to watch and I'm going to see so much more of you so that when it's time in our second month together for us to dig down into the 13 core executive function skills in the program. After you've addressed your limiting beliefs, your outdated identity you know where you're starting with your executive function skill development. And you've addressed decision making, procrastination, managing you and managing time, and you've done all that successfully. It's going to be so much easier when it's time to develop these 13 core skills. It's why set it up this way. I'm setting you up for success building blocks, building a strong foundation.
So, when we get to that part as opposed to just dishing it out and giving you instructions and information about the skills, I don't do that either. The way that I train and teach is very comprehensive, personal examples, common examples, experience experiential things for you to try on and do and practice in between the lessons and between the coaching calls live that we have. Because I want you to get the knowing of what it feels like to be developing the skills and to refine it and help you to refine it to fit you. Because everybody's style is a little bit different even though the skills are the same and this is not cookie cutter. This is very specific to each and every one of you.
So, you know I watch the List; the Information List. I watch and see what people write who get on the List. I watch people get off the List, a few that have said they really, really want the help. And it really makes me wonder why they decided to get off the List and not go after why they got on the List in the first place. Maybe they're scared. That's a common response to many. Many of my students talk about being afraid when they begin the program. Afraid that this will really work, and what does that mean? And what about all the years that this program has been around that they didn't participate in this program? That they didn't get the answers and the skills and the training and the coaching and everything that they need support wise. What about those years; that's some grieving to do. And I have students that are doing that as well. Because time gets lost. Time passes. You know we wake up we have today; it's 24 hours when 24 hours over. It renews in the sense that we get the next 24, but we don't get today's 24 again. So, however we spend today's 24, that's our investment in today. We don't get it back and at the end of the day, if you're anything like me, and you review how the day went, you want to get some positive return on the investment of your 24 hours. And many, many of the people that I work with in my program can't say that they do; in fact, quite the opposite. They're very upset and frustrated with themselves and another 24 hours has passed and the things that they needed to do didn't happen either because they didn't know how to make them happen. They're missing skills, missing steps missing a whole bunch of things. They have very limiting beliefs about their capability and if they believe they're limited in their capability they are whether it's true or not.
So, you know I wanted to do an episode talking about this reality as you may want the help. And I know the help I offer works. Hands down; I collect data. I know with absolute certainty that it works. And I also know that when people come to believe or have faith, that it's going to work for them. They're scared because if they have believed and if you believe your whole life, it is what it is and this is what you're going to have to live with. And even though you may say you want some help, it's the thing to do. I want some help. I want to be better. I want to not struggle. But to really take the help, to really invest in the help; the time, the effort, the energy to invest in the help to create the life you want and develop the skills you need for that. That's a very different decision. It is a decision I think, partly faith, partly fact.
I can give you all the facts every day. The facts speak for themselves. I have no doubt that the program works for everybody that comes into the program that works the program and engages with the program. I have absolutely zero doubt. What I do know though, is people perhaps many of you, my listeners, have doubts about yourself. Will you, do it? Can you, do it? Can you stick with it? Will you follow through? Believe me, I am very familiar with those limiting beliefs. And I have designed the program to ensure, to the best of my ability as a human being, that you consistently engage - email reminders, text reminders, sometimes personal encouragement messages from me if I don't see responding to the emails and the regular text messages, to pull you back in or to find out what's wrong, and to get you to engage again. Because this isn't the kind of program where I have people enroll and either participate or they don't and if they don't, oh well. They made the investment; that's on you Yes, I understand. I can't do your push-ups for you so to speak. Only you can do that. But I can facilitate the environment, the support, the everything that you need, to be able to do your push-ups, to be able to engage in the program, to be able to learn to be consistent, to be able to make better decisions, to be able to transform and change your life. Like you've never been able to do before.
And for those of you who know me or don't, I don't make empty promises. There's no point. I have to live with me. Sleep with me, be with me. It's a matter of self-integrity. I'm not going to tell you something's going to happen for you if I don't firmly believe that it will, and know that it will because of how I created the program. What your part in this is to move beyond curiosity, to move beyond interest, to actual desire, and commitment. And if the information that you're receiving on the Information List, if something is unclear in the emails, I think it says hit reply and email me and ask me. That's okay. I'm not out of the picture. You can reach me by email and ask a question if something in the emails you're getting that’s unclear or you get on this Information List today, and the information is unclear. And you have a question, ask me. If it hasn't been entered, answered in the email, if it hasn't been answered on the exclusive information page link that's in the emails, ask me. I'm happy to answer your questions. It's why I'm here. It's what I do in the program and it's what I do before people are in the program. So, ask me. I love answering questions. And I know how important it is to have your questions answered. To feel comfortable with the answers that you receive. So that you can make the best possible decision that you can for yourself.
And here's the rub that I see. If your decision-making skills are anything like mine were, I'm asking you to make a decision where you may not make good decisions’ you may not trust your decision-making processes. You may not be able to feel comfortable making a decision and so you don't and you miss out on an amazing opportunity. Because you don't feel comfortable with your skills and decision- making. And so, you procrastinate and you don't manage the time and the time of the opportunity comes and goes and it's over and you missed it. I don't want that to happen for any of you if I can prevent it. Which is why I'm talking about all of these things. Because what I'm talking about in this episode isn't a promotion for the program. So much as it is talking about you and your life and your behaviors and your beliefs and what stands in the way because if I could wave a magic wand and all of a sudden you all would have good decision-making skills, not procrastinate, and be able to manage yourselves in time and yourselves personally. This would be a no brainer in the sense that it's easy to see that this is an amazing decision to make for this opportunity. It's crystal clear if you have the skills that you're lacking. And so, this is kind of a cart before the horse which has a little bit of humor to it.
And this is very similar to what some people have said to me about how the system navigating the system as an adult with ADHD or underdeveloped executive function skills is not ADHD friendly, or underdeveloped executive function skill friendly, it isn't. There are so many things that you have to do to make an appointment, to make a commitment, to remember to log the time, to put it on the calendar, to schedule to show up, to leave on time; all these things. These are all skills. And if you lack the skills, and you don't have anybody to help you, this is incredibly challenging to get the help that you need.
And I guess what I'm saying to you is how many more times do you want to have that experience? Or are you tired of that experience and missing out on great opportunities and instead, you'd like to take care of these issues? So that when future great opportunities present themselves in your life, because they will, you will know beyond any doubt that you are making a good decision; that's in alignment with your values, your principles, your criteria, everything because you're going to learn that from me. So, all the future decisions that you're going to be making in your life, which are still going to be plenty no matter what age you are. You're going to know they're good decisions because you're going to know how you made them. That's worth everything in my opinion, but that's just my opinion.
So, I want to thank you all for joining me in today's episode. I know it's a little bit different. I'll be creating additional episodes and releasing them as well. But I just wanted to take a moment. Do a little episode. Have a conversation with you as if we were sitting in a room together, And I'm talking to you and telling you about this opportunity and telling you what I'm offering you. I'm offering you the opportunity of a lifetime that honestly. Here I am at 71. It got really bad when I hit menopause. And for my women listeners going through menopause or you've already been through menopause. I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about. Estrogen levels drop. It affects cognitive function. All the things that we used to do that worked or somewhat worked stop working the way they did. And life can get really messy really fast. Really can and it feels terrible. But see, if you've been through menopause, you can build your skills, right? If you haven't yet, you build your skills now. So that when you go through menopause, it doesn't have to be that way. You'll have skills still solid, firm foundation to navigate your way through your menopause experience as a woman. And for the men out there. Men go through hormonal changes too; just not the same as women. And things can get really ugly. And all the doubts and all the everything that I was talking about applies to the men listeners as well.
So that's what I got for you today. Thank you for listening. I'll have another one another episode for you really soon. But I just wanted to sit and have this conversation with you to let you know what I'm offering, what I believe about it, what I believe about you my listeners and what it is most of all that I wish for each and every one of you as listeners to my show, which is to put in and to help you to put an end to the needless suffering in your life. Because just because no one has told you that this is available. None of your prescribers if you see a prescriber, none of your therapists or coaches or whoever you work with. If no one has told you that you can train in all the skills that I train people in to build and create an amazing life for yourself - if no one's told you that but me. It does not mean it isn't true. It doesn't mean just because a whole bunch of other people didn't tell you and I'm the only one that's telling you. That isn't true. What it means is they're just not aware. And they're not telling you because if there were, I would hope they would tell you that this is the additional piece that you need for yourself.
So, on that note, I love you all very, very much; it’s what I say to my students. You know it takes a lot of courage to make this journey. It does. It takes the commitment to self, to kind of go to any lengths to have what you want in this lifetime since this is what we get and when the time is up, it's up. And I look at time as one of our most valuable assets because we don't get it again. We get another day if we do, but it isn't the same day. Today it will be gone at the end of the day. Tomorrow we'll get a new day. At the end tomorrow, that day's gone and so on and so on. That's how it works. It's a renewable asset, but we never get back what's spent so take good care. Any questions? Get on that Information List right away. Got some amazing extra discounts, bonuses, things like that happening that I hope you'd want to know about and I look forward to hearing from you, and perhaps having the honor of working with you. I would truly love that. Bye for now.
Resources referred to in this episode:
· Executive Function Information List & AIA-FS Program Information: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
· Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
· Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingbeyondadhd
Episode Resources:
- First, get your copy of 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
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Next, find out what you can do to change this for yourself and how AIA-FS can help you: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA There is no obligation to being informed about an amazing opportunity that changes lives!
- Join the Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group & hang out with your peeps
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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