Are you Short on Foresight, Hindsight and Insight? - 055
Apr 28, 2018Hey ADDers! Do you see upcoming, potential disasters ahead of time, like you going over the cliff BEFORE you get anywhere near it? Are you able to avert something negative BEFORE it happens because you remember what happened the last time? Are you living a life that is less adrenaline driven because you’ve learned some important things about yourself? For many of you the answer is no to most of these questions. It’s like your mind doesn’t yet know how to see into the future or benefit from the past. This might be one of the reasons you get into the same trouble over and over again.
In this episode, I talk about:
- What hindsight is and how you can develop it
- What foresight is and how you can develop it
- What insight is and how you can develop it
- The importance of celebrating your WINS
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to Episode 55 with Dr B. It’s also the one-year anniversary of the show and the first episode under the new name of Living Beyond ADHD with Dr B.
So many adults with ADHD or Executive Functions challenges never get past their challenges and live beyond them. That’s what my work in the world is really about, and I so want that for you, if you want that too. You’ve heard me say many times that you are more than your ADHD; that you are a precious “human being” – even if the “human doing” part of you needs some work and tools. By identifying the root cause issues, and addressing them, whether that means learning skills, strategies or facing and resolving long-standing problems, you can look to a future where you too are living beyond ADHD.
So, ADDers! Do you see upcoming, potential disasters ahead of time, like you going over the cliff BEFORE you get anywhere near it? Are you able to avert something negative BEFORE it happens because you remember what happened the last time? Are you living a life that is less adrenaline driven because you’ve learned some important things about yourself? For many of you the answer is no to most of these questions. It’s like your mind doesn’t yet know how to see into the future or benefit from the past. This might be one of the reasons you get into the same trouble over and over again.
I know that the future doesn’t exist yet, however, it is being created out of the decisions you make every day. Your life today is a reflection of the decisions you made in the past and your life in the future will be a reflection of the decisions you make now. No point in beating yourself up for how your life is today, if it’s not what you wanted or hoped for. Rather, it just means you need to get busy doing the next right things for you that will move you in the direction you want to go. And forgiving yourself for not being there yet!
You can learn to think beyond the present moment, which will help guide the decisions, that impact your future. This isn’t you predicting the future, but rather seeing or sensing what the future will be if you continue to do what you are doing or continue to not do what you aren’t doing. It’s tracking the trajectory from start to finish. If you resonate with any of this, then keep listening!
If you only live in the moment and only consider the options you have in the moment, you’re going to have a hard time deciding which choice to take or make, partly because you aren’t considering the future impact of today’s decision as it plays out through time. You need to learn how to think about the positive and negative consequences of your decisions and actions in today; and it’s definitely a skill that you can learn if you know what to do and are willing to practice.
Are phrases like “I’ll do it later” or “I don’t feel like it” a frequent part of your language? And does this approach to life allow you to live a happy and successful life? Probably not… In fact, if you live by “I’ll do it later” as your lifestyle motto, you could find yourself extremely overwhelmed when “later” arrives and you have way too much on your plate.
The reasons adults put things off is as varied as the adults who do so. Whether you’re pressed for time or already have too much on your plate or you’re not interested or you’re having a hard time getting started, it all results in “I’ll do it later.” And unless you’ve checked your schedule and made sure that you have time “later,” whenever later is, then it isn’t going to happen later, and perhaps not at all. Am I describing your lifestyle?
You already know that putting things off can be dangerous and yet it’s not as simple as the Nike phrase - “just do it.” If you could, you would. Something is keeping you from doing it.
Same as something is keeping you from seeing the cliff far in advance of going over it and causing damage to your life or relationships unless you intended to cause this damage to yourself and your life.
You can’t see into the future and understand the consequences of your actions today if you’re moving at the speed of light. Or you lack the clarity and focus, meaning the destination and steps to get where we want to go instead of ending up in a ditch somewhere. I guess what it boils down to is that there is no simple answer or solution to the challenges of life with ADHD or Executive Function deficits; whether that’s skills or strategies or both.
Foresight, hindsight and insight can be developed in adulthood, even if you’ve never had access to them before. Knowing what they are, why they are important to learn how to use, and how you would be thinking and sensing if you had access to them in your day-to-day life is a place to start. From there, knowing what Executive Function skills or strategies you are missing that would support the development of foresight, hindsight and insight might be the next step. As an international researcher years ago, data was very important. It still is to me in the ADDventures in Achievement program, which is why I now include a very useful assessment tool in the program to determine the Executive Function skills that you are missing so we know what to target even more specifically for your personal growth and development. It’s a very exciting addition to the program that I just added this month.
Beyond data, transparent modeling is also important for you to build new skills and strategies. That’s one of my many joys in working with students in my ADDventures in Achievement program. I love to model what I teach; to externalize how I am thinking, feeling, sensing, and the reasoning behind the steps or actions I take. Being able to share that and discuss it as a group is priceless; we learn so much from each other every week.
If you put your work off during the workday and tell yourself that you can get it done later, you will probably end up with a lot of unfinished work to do on Friday or whenever your week ends because that’s when “later” is. You might feel that you’re “managing it” or “handling it” and yet it’s a really big deal because it is causing unnecessary pressure and stress, unless of course you like to live under those conditions. You might have become very aware of your habit of “later” but aren’t doing anything about it yet because you don’t know what to do to change it.
Part of being able to change it is knowing all the facts of the situation and then asking yourself if you want the outcome you are headed towards with “later” or you want a less stressful outcome. You first have to be able to “see” or “sense” the outcome you are about to get, which is foresight. The first step towards foresight is “self-awareness” of the facts of your situation. To be self-aware you have to slow down and pause, to consider the facts and act mindfully, rather than react. You can’t do this if you can’t self-regulate or slow yourself down. There’s only the one path if you don’t have anything else to consider – because the other information isn’t front and center.
Perhaps you leave things on the floor and tell yourself that you will get it later and it doesn’t seem like a big deal but then you don’t get it later and there it stays. You don’t realize in the moment that “later” will eventually happen and then you will have to deal with it if you put it off until “later.” The only real time you can deal with anything is in the present moment or now. And if you put it off until “later” you still have to deal with it in the present moment of that later moment.
Do you lack foresight about your financial life and how you think about it? Do you throw your mail or bills in a stack somewhere, only to receive second or third notices or letters from debt collectors because you thought to yourself that you’d get to it “later?” Do you push it away because you don’t want to make a phone call or have a conversation that would be unpleasant for you? And does that unpleasantness go away or do you have to face it with even greater unpleasantness at a later time?
What about your relationship with food? Perhaps you live according to the “see food diet;” you see it and you eat it and have no sense of what doing that day after day will cause your body to have to deal with. Or you have a sense and just don’t care – or so you say. It seems like a good idea in the moment to eat all that food but what it is potentially going to cause tomorrow or the day after or down the road isn’t being considered; isn’t even on your radar.
So, how can you decide which option to go with when your vision is so limited that you can only see the present moment and not much more? In order to make the best decisions for yourself in the moment, you need to know how those decisions will most likely play out, based on foresight, benefit from past mistakes with hindsight, and know what options to even consider based on personal insights about yourself. You need something to measure today’s decisions, choices or options against so you know you’re doing your best for yourself.
Seriously…are you really sitting there putting all those immediate gratification foods in your mouth and seeing an image of yourself getting fatter and less healthy with each mouthful? - Probably not. And if that’s not the outcome you want, then you need these 3 skills. Enough on that… Let’s look at what’s right with you and right in your life because you know that it wouldn’t be a complete episode if I didn’t ask you about your WINS and encourage you to acknowledge them and celebrate them, so that’s what’s next.
So, what’s it going to be for you today? If you did your laundry before you ran out of clothes AND put it all away, that’s a WIN. If you gave your mail a permanent home and actually opened it all and took care of what you found, that’s a WIN. If you have the ability to go for a daily walk and do so, that’s a WIN. If you have loved ones in your life and you tell them you love them and show it, that’s a WIN. If you celebrate being you, that’s a WIN. If you’re getting better quality sleep, that’s certainly a WIN; and if you treat yourself with love and respect, that’s an even greater WIN. You get the picture; there’s a lot to be grateful for every day and to me these are WINS. So whatever you choose to reflect on right now is up to you. I’d love it if you’d take a moment right now and think about some of the things that you’re grateful for that are WINS for you. That’s it – right now while you’re listening to this episode. I know that acknowledging your WINS doesn’t take away the challenges you have in your life right now; I get that, I do. However, with a shift in your focus and attitude makes room for so many more good things to happen. Whatever really challenging circumstances exist in your life right now doesn’t take away from the fact that you have something to be grateful for and WINS to celebrate. You are a precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. You don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. You’re value comes from “who” you are; not what you do.
You are MORE than what you do. YOU, WE are NOT defective or less than as people – as human beings; we’re just configured differently and the difference doesn’t have to be a limitation once you understand your own operating system and know what you need for your own success. Even if you’re missing most all the executive function skills and strategies you need to live a productive and successful adult life, that doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re still not broken or defective. It just means you have things that you can learn to do, if you choose to, so your life can improve. I suspect I will continue to be a work in progress and a student of my life for the rest of my life because I suspect I will continue to grow and change in so many ways that I have yet to know. Got it? I hope so. Moving on…
Today’s episode is about taking a look at why so many adults with ADHD or executive function deficits don’t have well-developed foresight, hindsight or insight and how you can begin to develop these essential life skills. How much time do we have? Not much. So let’s get to it.
Today’s 3 important points are:
1. What hindsight is and how you can develop it
2. What foresight is and how you can develop it
3. What insight is and how you can develop it
Now back to being an adult with ADHD or executive function challenges in today’s world. There can be so many reasons why your challenges weren’t given a name or officially acknowledged until later in life and since you can’t go back in time, you have to move forward with what you know now, and learn whatever it’s going to take to get your life working optimally for you.
So, let’s transition to our first story about Carla and what hindsight is, and some action steps about how you can develop it.
· Carla was in her mid-40s and had lived most of her life making the same mistakes over and over again. No matter how many times she reminded herself of what doesn’t work and what she should never do again, she just kept making those same poor decisions or mistakes.
· What Carla didn’t know is that reminding herself of what not to do, was a very poor strategy, because of how the mind works. Every time she told herself what not to do, her mind had to think of that thing first and then think of not doing that thing, because the mind doesn’t process the negatives directly; it can’t. So saying to herself, “don’t forget to pick up some milk on the way home from work” translates to “forget to pick up the milk” and then she has to think about not forgetting. It’s a very complicated way to talk to yourself instead of being direct and saying “remember to pick up the milk on the way home from work.” That’s a very direct and clear statement to your mind.
· There were lots of great skills and strategies that Carla had learned over the years and yet in the moment when she needed them most, she didn’t seem to be able to access them. It was kind of like the movie Groundhog Day, where she kept repeating the same steps and strategies for doing things and getting poor outcomes that occasionally resulted in her having an aha moment and seeing how changing something small would make a huge difference in the outcome. It’s just that when it was time to access that aha moment and learning, she didn’t. · Part of the reason that Carla was so challenged is because she didn’t stop or pause, to consider the situation and then act; instead she was constantly reacting to what was happening around her. Life events were running Carla’s life, not Carla.
· She wanted to make changes and improve her life and yet her “past self” identity kept her stuck, so long as she was chained to it. She was going to need to break free of her “past self or old identity” and move into a neutral space in her mind.
Background Facts about hindsight:
· It’s about your past self; who you were in the past and what you did back then. “Back then” could be even an hour ago because you have the capacity to constantly change.
· Hindsight includes having the ability to critically examine your past performance as well as comprehensively understand your life and circumstances; this takes slowing down to think and consider
· A very important aspect of hindsight is the ability to utilize past knowledge and experience in order to improve your future decision-making, which helps you adjust your course of action moving forward
· It’s VERY important that you avoid using the outcomes of the past as the primary measurement for future outcomes and decisions. Instead, use all of what you’ve learned from your past experiences to benefit you in your current decision-making for your future outcomes.
· Some of the advantages of developing your hindsight are that it helps you learn from your:
o Successes
o Failures
o Mistakes
o Setbacks
o Problems
o Experiences
If you relate to Carla’s story, your action steps are:
· Focus on developing your hindsight by reviewing your daily decisions, choices and actions and looking for themes of what’s working and what isn’t.
· Follow Through on asking yourself some questions every day and writing down your answers, questions like:
o What did I do today?
o What decisions did I make today?
o What actions did I take today?
o What challenges did I face today?
o How did I handle these challenges?
o How did I handle my emotions during these challenges?
o How did I feel about the experience and/or the outcome?
o Am I making any assumptions about a person, place or thing?
o How else could I think about this situation?
o What can I learn from today’s experiences?
o Could I have done anything differently and if so, what?
o Where could I improve for the next time?
o How should I adapt or change myself moving forward?
· Self-Management of how you feel about taking the time to slow down and reflect on your past experiences as well as becoming more self-aware. Be sure to manage your resistance, if you encounter any, and be curious about it so you can learn from it.
So, let’s transition to our second story about Larry and what foresight is, and some action steps about how you can develop it.
· Larry was in his mid-50s and had lived most of his life on the adrenaline rush of no foresight and crash and burn.
· He was reactive and moved so quickly that he had no time to consider important factors in his thinking and decision-making.
· Larry was disappointed in himself and what he had achieved so far. In fact, he was embarrassed to attend gathering with classmate, family members or even friends because he was comparing himself to them and saw that they were so much more accomplished than he was. He also saw them making better decisions that were getting them a life that Larry really envied. He felt tremendous shame about himself and his life in general which didn’t help motivate him to make changes because his negative self-talk was the dominant voice in his head.
· The few times that Larry had the courage to ask someone how the were able to look to the future, when it didn’t exist yet, and make decisions that turned out well for them, the answers they gave him just didn’t make sense. He couldn’t get himself to do what they told him they did. This made Larry feel even worse, since he was being given the answers yet couldn’t do what he was told. He started to feel pretty stupid and wondered what was wrong with him.
· Larry had lots of great skills and felt he should be doing better in life but there was obviously something still missing. He didn’t know about executive function skills or strategies at the time. General life skills weren’t so hard for him to learn because they were pretty straightforward, practical, and step-by-step for what he needed to do or learn to do. Plus, they were usually on a very short timeline or learning curve so he could stay with it and learn these general skills.
· Strategies were another story. They seemed so vague or non-concrete to him and he didn’t understand the thinking – strategic thinking – that was a key feature of strategies.
· He was desperate and felt that more than half of his life was over. He was feeling kind of hopeless and yet he hoped he would find the answers to his challenges soon, so that he could be proud of himself for something before his time was up.
Background Facts about foresight:
· It’s about your current self; who you are now and who you want to become in the future. The future can be an hour or week or month from now because you need to have the ability to look ahead as you are deciding things in the now.
· It is the ability to predict future or rather the trajectory of possible outcomes with:
o Events
o Changes
o Trends or themes
o Consequences of actions
· It is the ability to explore possible future scenarios leading to alternate courses of decisions and actions. You have to be willing to imagine possibilities and how things might play out given the facts you have; in other words, what are all the possibilities that you can think of given the facts you have.
· It includes the ability to successfully
o Plan ahead for the sequential unfolding of a series of events or outcomes
o Gather required resources or information or support
o Address potential threats or areas that would derail you
o Address future needs
· Some of the advantages of developing your foresight are that it requires you to:
o Improve your clarity skills; to see or sense precisely what you want or envision or the destination you are headed in – you have to commit.
o And in improving on your clarity, you get to ask yourself things like:
§ What is the future impact of this decision?
§ How does this decision influence future decisions you will make?
§ And to consider what opportunities could unfold for you based on this decision?
o You’re going to need to slow down and think through everything you are considering rather than being impulsive or reactive which will then decrease your potential mistakes and also allow you to plan in advance how you will handle a mistake, such as:
§ What if things go wrong? What will I or can I do?
§ How will you respond if things go differently than I imagined?
§ What is my plan B or C?
o You also improve your decisions by asking ongoing questions such as “what could happen if…?” This could be a positive such as “what could happen if I am wildly successful?” or a negative such as “what could happen if I publically make a mistake?”
If you relate to Larry’s story, your action steps are:
· Focus on developing your foresight by asking many questions of yourself and others as to what could possibly happen with these facts played out, and then focus on what you learn.
· Follow Through on continuing to ask yourself questions and playing out various different scenarios to see what will happen if you choose that path.
o How will this decision play out?
· Self-Management of how you feel about taking the time to slow down and reflect on your current choices or options and what each of them will potentially mean to you or for you.
So, let’s transition to our third story about Ellen and what insight is, and action steps about how you can develop it.
· Ellen was in her early-30s and had very little insight about her life for someone her age, and she just didn’t seem very happy. One important reason for this was that she wasn’t willing to make the time to just sit or walk and do nothing else but spend that time reflecting on her life and allow insights to arise. She didn’t know what would make her happy, what made her sad, what she wanted to do with her life, the type of work that would excite her and so on. She just didn’t know herself because she never made the time to get to know herself.
· Ellen didn’t challenge her thinking styles or what she thought about; she just took it for what it was and decided this is just how it is; just how she is.
· She wasn’t a very curious person and didn’t ask a lot of questions about anything. She just took what she heard or read and went with it; she definitely didn’t challenge information. · One day she was having lunch with a longtime friend, Mary, who just couldn’t stand it any more. Mary really cared about Ellen and yet she was pretty fed up.
· Ellen asked Mary what was bothering her and Mary just blurted out, “I want to be friends with you but I feel that we are growing apart because you are so clueless about things. And I’m not saying that I know about everything about myself and life because I don’t, but you…you just seem indifferent or clueless about yourself and life and it makes me sad.”
· Ellen was stunned by what Mary just said. She didn’t see herself at all like the person that Mary was describing, which she guessed was part of the problem. So she took a breath and asked Mary for more specifics of what she was referring to. She had no idea what she was about to receive or how blind she had been.
Background Facts about insight:
· It’s about looking within for your answers instead of outside of yourself.
· It’s discovering your inner vision. It’s seeing into a situation to discover its true nature; in this case I am referring to discovering your own true nature so you can use that information to your advantage.
· Some of the advantages of developing your insight are that you learn to:
o Make sense of your surroundings
o Pinpoint cause-effect relationships
o Gain an accurate understanding of things, events and people
o Insight is the catalyst for
§ Creativity
§ Innovation
§ Inspiration
· Developing insight requires
o Being inquisitive
o Being fully present
o Being aware of potential opportunities
o Being attentive to patterns and trends
o Being attentive to your thoughts and actions
o A hunger for knowledge and understanding
o Also requires introspection, investigation and curiosity
· You can develop your insight by…
o Looking within yourself and improving your observation skills
o Think critically about what you discover
o Ask others for their insights about you and consider what they tell you they see that perhaps you don’t; start wondering why you don’t see what they do, if you feel their vision of you is accurate
· Ask insightful questions about yourself and the circumstances such as
o Why do I do what I do?
o How is this significant?
o What is happening here?
o Why is it happening?
o What does all this mean?
If you relate to Ellen’s story, your action steps are:
· Focus on developing your insight by making time to yourself to reflect, ask questions of yourself and consider what you are learning.
· Follow Through on applying what you learn about yourself and life in general to shaping your life to be more in line with what you learn will make you happier, more productive and successful.
· Self-Management of how you feel about what you are learning about yourself and how best to support yourself and your emotions while you get to know yourself and make changes to live as your best self.
Remember that no matter which stories you identify with, you need to cultivate a “practicing mindset” and come to look forward to practicing something every day that is moving you toward your destination. Whether you need to practice developing hindsight, foresight, insight, or releasing your resistance, you have work to do. And mind you, the “work” doesn’t have to be hard or boring; it can be fun and stimulating.
We each require “explicit or clear instructions” in order to advance, and can do so, provided that we have removed the obstacles that prevent us from moving forward. You have to pay attention to what your daily outcomes are from the actions you take; it’s the only way to course correct quickly and not lose a lot of time moving in the wrong direction or stuck because of emotional obstacles.
If you don’t have a place you go for support and knowledge about how to transform your life into what you’ve always wanted, I recommend you put your name on the Waitlist for ADDventures in Achievement so I can reach out to you now and set up a time to chat about your goals and challenges and whether or not this program is right for you. The link is in the episode resources.
If this all sounds like a lot of work, perhaps it is, however it doesn’t have to be unpleasant work. In fact, it can be fun and playful if you approach it that way and give it those types of meanings. I’ve been playing with these skills and strategies for years now because I had to learn them, just like you do. I knew that I would be more inclined to stick with learning them if I could make this a fun experience for myself; which I did. And I’ve continued to be a student of my own life as I hope you will be of yours, and stick with it until you’ve achieved mastery, and the happier and more productive life you want.
If you want to be part of an online community of listeners to my show, be sure to reach out and friend me on Facebook so I can invite you into The Living Beyond ADHD Community. I look forward to getting to know you there and helping you in whatever ways I can.
And if you want more than just the Facebook group, put your name on the Waitlist for ADDventures in Achievement now, so I can reach out to you and we can chat about your needs and whether this program is right for you. Enrollment is going to open up again in May and you’re not going to want to miss out on this great opportunity. I’ve included an Executive Function Assessment when you enroll and the opportunity to discuss the results with me in our initial 1:1 appointment. I’ve remodeled the program so we are focusing on you developing the executive function skills and strategies you’re missing in our working workshops, in addition to the weekly coaching you receive as a member of the ADDventures in Achievement program and community.
A Favorite Quote: Brian Herbert said, “The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.” So, the question I have for you at this point of our journey together is, “Are you ready and willing to learn how to do things differently so you can be happier and more productive? I hope so because this is your life we are talking about!!!
That’s about it for today’s episode about hindsight, foresight and insight and a little of how you can start to develop them. I’ve really missed being here with you these past 4 months and it just couldn’t be helped. I’m back now and will do my best to bring you a new episode every week moving forward. I cherish the emails you send me, letting me know how much my show helps you and means to you. It means a lot to me to know that your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together. Listening to every podcast episode is a small action step, and something that can help you move your life forward, one episode at a time, if you take action on the action steps I include for you. If you just listen and hear the value but don’t take action, you won’t gain the value that’s there for you. Remember, for things to change for the better for you, YOU have to change – which means you need to do your best every day to do something that will lead you in the direction of your destination.
I’d love to see your name on the Waitlist for the ADDventures in Achievement, so I can reach out to you right away, learn about your challenges and goals and see if this program is a good fit for you to take advantage of when enrollment opens again in May. Time doesn’t stand still and I hope you won’t either. Act now and let’s chat.
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It helps me in my mission to make sure that all adults with focus, follow through, self-management or executive function challenges have the information and skills to help them live a happier, more productive, and wildly successful life. That’s the driving force behind this show and expanded content of the ADDventures in Achievement program. I realized that working solely with people 1:1 would never allow me to reach the millions of you who need what I’ve learned and can benefit from it now.
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Part of what I love about the growing community of ADDventures in Achievement is the support that members are receiving from one another. Years ago I conceived of something I called “The ADD Squad.” The idea for The ADD Squad was an outgrowth of my growing up years watching the TV show, Little House on the Prairie, where it didn’t seem to matter whose barn burned down, the town rallied and raised a new barn so that family could be okay. I’ve always felt that the world might be a much better place if we viewed each other that way. In other words, seeing the needs of others and reaching out as a community to help one another because we can, rather than just thinking of our own needs. In the case of my online program, the reaching out has been the sharing of knowledge, support and time to help one another and it’s amazing to be a part of. We are not alone in this life of ours! We are all inter-connected in such unique and mysterious ways, and we can see that even more so by developing our hindsight, foresight and insight skills.
Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
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