Ask Dr B - about Cultivating Resilience, Impact of Menopause & Communication Potholes - 028
Jul 27, 2017Welcome to the twelfth Ask Dr B episode.
I’m so glad you could join me today for my podcast show. I’m keeping the pace lively and upbeat, so you don’t get into a rut and stop paying attention in the moment because you anticipate what’s coming next. Good to keep things fresh. Plus, this is good training in case you are one to jump to conclusions or assumptions and miss something important; wouldn’t want that to happen to you.
And since helping you to shape new behaviors is part of my intention here with the stories and action steps for you to take, I want to remind you that today’s success or lack of it started last night. That’s right. If you got a good night’s sleep, felt rested when you woke up this morning and were excited about your day, then you’ve set yourself up for a successful day. If you let yourself stay up late again, because you “felt like it” and didn’t gently and lovingly escort yourself to bed, then you’ve got some work to do around that behavior and way of thinking. With our fast-paced brains, we definitely need our sleep!
My VERY curious mind is always wondering what the #1 biggest struggle or frustration is for you right now, so I can help you with it. I wake up each day wondering that, so I can direct my energy to the solutions you need. I really want to know; I do. The thought of millions of adults with ADHD suffering every day is a painful thought to me, especially when I have answers and solutions that could ease your pain.
In this episode, I respond to topics about issues or challenges you experience as an adult living with ADHD, and offer you hope. Today's topics are Cultivating Resilience, Impact of Menopause & Communication Potholes. Thank you to Valerie, Tami and Danny for today's topics.
And remember to pay attention to your WINS!! Look for them, acknowledge them, celebrate them in a full-hearted way! Exaggerate your emotions and feel the rush of excitement of having done something special and worthy of celebrating. You can even celebrate YOU!
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
HYAP Podcast Episode #028
Ask Dr B – about Cultivating Resilience, Impact of Menopause & Communication Potholes
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Today is Episode 28 with Dr B, and the twelfth “Ask Dr B” Show.
Hey ADDers! I’m so glad you could join me today for my podcast show. I’m keeping the pace lively and upbeat, so you don’t get into a rut and stop paying attention in the moment because you anticipate what’s coming next. Good to keep things fresh. Plus, this is good training in case you are one to jump to conclusions or assumptions and miss something important; wouldn’t want that to happen to you.
And since helping you to shape new behaviors is part of my intention here with the stories and action steps for you to take, I want to remind you that today’s success or lack of it started last night. That’s right. If you got a good night’s sleep, felt rested when you woke up this morning and were excited about your day, then you’ve set yourself up for a successful day. If you let yourself stay up late again, because you “felt like it” and didn’t gently and lovingly escort yourself to bed, then you’ve got some work to do around that behavior and way of thinking. With our fast-paced brains, we definitely need our sleep!
And what about your questions? Did you wake up with any this morning? If so, and you’re looking for answers, consider sending your questions over to me so I can answer them or find the answers for you. I’d love to do that! Or perhaps your questions arise in the moment, when you think about the tasks you have to complete and feel overwhelmed before you even get to them because you have questions about what to do, when to do it, how to do it or if you even should do it? Is that you? If so, then keep track of your questions, as best you can, and send them over to me so I can help you get answers and get unstuck. And, you are welcome to ask more than one question, on more than one occasion. If you have lots of questions, then ask me lots of questions; seriously!! You’ll be doing me a big favor by sending me your questions! Seriously!!
And in case you’re wondering what kind of questions you can ask me, here’s some examples of what others have asked me over the years:
· How can we overcome resistance to change?
· What is it about physical exertion that helps our brains?
· How are routines useful tools for those with ADHD?
Your questions matter to me; all of them! How are you going to do what you want to do if your mind if filled with questions and roadblocks instead of excitement and motivation? Where are you supposed to turn in times like that? Well, one place you can turn is to me, which is one reason I created the Ask Dr B format. It’s not just that we are a curious bunch, although we are. You may also be sitting with huge gaps in your knowledge base and can’t move forward on what you want to achieve; in fact, you may not even know what questions to ask to get the information you need. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone would ask you “what are you trying to do” and you could tell him or her? And then they would ask you “do you know how to do A, B, C, D, etc. and you could tell them what you knew and didn’t know, and because they know the sequence, they could answer your questions and guide you through the sequences of the tasks you want to get done? I’d like to be that person for you.
And if you’re the kind of person who needs to have all the details up front before you step into the ring, and you have huge gaps in the process or sequence of events, how exactly are you supposed to proceed? Seriously! This has nothing to do with how smart you are and everything to do with your learning style. Even with ADHD, some of us are quite literal and need the step-by-step version of the story to engage. Others of us are more inferential and just jump in and kind of fly by the seat of our pants; filling in the details and information as we go along. Either way, you need what you need and that’s just how it is. And, if you’re anything like me, and don’t get the answers you need, you might keep spinning or ruminating like I do until I get the answers I need. The entire situation can turn into one overwhelming experience. Perhaps that happens to you too.
MY very curious mind is always wondering what the #1 biggest struggle or frustration is for you right now, so I can help you with it. I wake up each day wondering that, so I can direct my energy to the solutions you need. I really want to know; I do. And I’d love to know how ADHD is the same or different in all parts of the world, which is one of the reasons I created The Harness Your ADHD Power Community on Facebook. And a special thank you to those of you, who have generously shared your thoughts with me, and told me how you are truly suffering. Lost productivity, lost income, lost respect by family, lost respect among peers and clients, feeling of hopelessness, struggle and inadequacy. Even feeling like you can’t do school and aren’t smart because your teachers or professors aren’t teaching you the way you learn best. That’s a lot of suffering!! The thought of millions of adults with ADHD all over the world suffering every day with these challenges is a painful thought to me, especially when I have answers and solutions that could ease your pain.
I made it even easier to get your questions over to me. Just head over to my website and you’ll see “Ask Dr B” in the main menu now. Just click there and ask away!! I’ll be notified immediately and get to work on them for the next Thursday show.
And in the event your question is outside the scope of my license, practice and/or knowledge base, I will find a guest who can address your question and have them do so on one of the special guest shows. Either way, you will get answers, to the best of my ability to provide them.
If you’re a new listener, welcome! I’m honored that you’re here. If you’re a subscriber or regular listener, thanks for your loyalty and for trusting me to share meaningful content with you in each and every episode. And whether this is your first or twenty-eighth time of listening to my show, you’ll hear me say time and again, that you are NOT what you do or don’t do; that you are more than that. WE are not defective or less than as people – as human beings; we’re just wired differently and the difference is actually pretty cool once you have answers to your questions, know what you need to do and how to do it, and have the best tools for you to get it done, with the least amount of stress. It’s my hope that you’ll get some of what you need here.
And remember, I’m a work in progress, just like you. Sometimes I’m the tortoise and sometimes I’m the hare; it depends on lots of different factors. Sometimes I even feel a little overwhelmed when strong emotions hit unexpectedly, and I have to slow things down, take a breath and regroup myself, letting myself know that everything is okay and it was just a big jolt of unexpected energy that is just passing through; it’s not permanent. Perhaps you can relate. Point being, I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years because I’ve been willing to be a student of my own life; to step into the situations that present themselves and learn how to navigate what I find. This has meant learning how to quiet my challenges (and there’s been plenty of them) and make the most of my gifts (more than I ever knew was possible for me), once I got the information I needed, and I trust you will too, once you get what you need.
I absolutely love my world map, with little flags marking all the countries and states where you all are listening. It’s so cool! I want to acknowledge and welcome new listeners in Malaysia, India, Brazil, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Romania, Hong Kong, Kenya, Denmark, Saudi Arabia, Norway, Philippines, Belgium, Hungary, Japan, Sweden, Croatia, Germany, Netherlands, Australia, Ireland, South Africa, United Kingdom, Canada, and just about every state in the US. It’s very exciting to know that WE are not alone at all! I am not much of a world traveler, however, it is exciting to know that my voice is traveling to all of you, no matter where you are on this planet of ours. That no matter where you are located, you are listening and relating to the challenges and stories and solutions.
Thank you ALL for listening, and I trust you will benefit from at least one episode of this podcast show; hopefully more, but at least one. Knowing you’re there listening, and reading your reviews and emails makes me want to give even more of myself to meet your needs via this podcast show, live videos, innovative programs, a Facebook community page and in many other ways. You are a blessing to me, and your presence in my life is beyond anything I’d ever imagined.
NEWS FLASH!! I created a special group for us to be able to relate on Facebook as a community. The group is called “The Harness Your ADHD Power Community.” After seeing that you all are listening from so many different parts of the world, I thought it would be a wonderful thing for us to be able to come together from our many diverse spaces and freely communicate and discuss focus, follow through, self-management and other relevant topics. I even created a quick little poll to let me know what episodes you’ve all been listening to and which ones you’ve enjoyed the most. Plus, just a few “house rules” for the highest good of the group space: be mindful of your posts and comments, don’t spam (including self-promotion), celebrate your WINS, and get involved! Let’s support each other on this journey of becoming and living as our best SELF! Of moving from stuck to unstoppable!! I’d love to get to know you all! Please friend me on Facebook and then come and join the community! Again, it’s “The Harness Your ADHD Power Community” on Facebook.
Before I get to today’s questions and answers, I have a question for you; and you’ve heard it before if you’re a regular listener. It’s about your state of mind and your WINS. I can’t emphasize this enough, and will continue to ask you about your WINS and encourage you to acknowledge and celebrate them every day! I have this quote by e.e. Cummings that fits what I was thinking about today: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” Who else can you grow up and be? Seriously! An imitation of your true self? That’s a sad thought. To me Cummings is talking about our right to grow and mature into the responsible adults we need to become, and that we get to participate in defining what that will be. To me, that doesn’t mean being all dried up and formal; rather maintaining my child-like wonder and energy for my lifetime and embracing what I have committed to be responsible for and taking care of that. You may not have all the information or skills – yet – to fully embrace this idea; however, it’s a matter of needing to learn some things, which you can do. One of the reasons I encourage you to “really look” for your WINS, and then acknowledge and celebrate all of them, is because they will lift your spirits, create a “can do” mindset and lead you to your greater successes. Plus tracking them will show you the path of your growth, which is a wonderful feeling!
So, back to WINS! I talk a lot about WINS. Why? Because cultivating and having a WINS mindset can transform how you experience your life. And how you experience your life and the meanings you give to your life events contributes to the quality of your life. So, have you been taking the time to look for your WINS? Really look for them? Acknowledge them? Celebrate them? Share them with others who appreciate what a big deal they are for you and celebrate with you? Are you doing this every day? I sure hope so because there is truly “magic” in all of this.
And, what do I mean by WINS? They are those little things that happen every day that are good things, positive things in the bigger picture of your life, and yet go unnoticed, unacknowledged and uncelebrated by you. It takes shifting your mindset, and it’s totally worth it. Please don't be the person that continues to tell yourself that it’s pointless to reward yourself for what you’re ‘supposed to do.’ That couldn’t be further from the truth!! Those are the very things that deserve to be celebrated so it becomes easier to do them consistently and more enjoyably each and every time.
So, what’s it going to be for you today? If you joined our community group on Facebook, that’s a WIN. If you reached out to me with your questions, that’s a WIN. Perhaps you cleaned out your closets and donated some clothing to a local agency to distribute to those in need of clothing, that’s a WIN. Maybe you decided to give yourself a small gift every week, like flowers or something, just because you want, that’s a WIN. Perhaps you are starting to feel proud of the human being you are and not criticizing the human doing as much; that’s definitely a WIN. You get the point; celebrate all of them. And none of this “half-hearted celebrating”; mean it. Exaggerate your emotions. YES!!!! WOW!! AWESOME!! And, certainly celebrate the big WINS too; it’s just that they happen less often and so celebrating daily WINS makes a difference faster in your life because of the frequency.
Shifting gears now…
Today’s episode is all about answering the questions you have about issues or challenges you experience as an adult living with ADHD, and offering you hope. How much time do we have? Not much. So let’s get to it.
Thanks to you, my listeners, for today’s questions on these 3 topics:
1. Cultivating Resilience
2. Impact of Menopause
3. Communication Potholes
Now back to being an adult with ADHD in today’s world.
There are a lot of different reasons why you have the questions that you do. It’s possible you have lots of misinformation or are missing steps or strategies or a philosophy or an understanding of yourself well enough to slow yourself down to think something through, rather than rush yourself and make mistakes. Everyone’s reasons are different; and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be here to answer what I can for you.
I’m going to share each topic with you, share a little about the topic, and offer my point of view about the topic, which includes an action step to take. Yes, there’s an action step for each topic, because just hearing an answer isn’t enough; you need to take action or nothing changes; so don’t let yourself off the hook. You do have the ability to respond to your needs. I hope at least one of these topics will resonate with you and be of benefit. So let’s keep going.
Thank you to Valerie, in CA for the first topic of Cultivating Resilience
· She asked – “Is this typically more difficult for people with ADHD? What issues might ADHD people have with resilience? And please offer strategies specific to ADHD that might help.”
Response to Valerie, in CA:
· Thanks for your questions!
· I decided that I could weave them all together and talk about Resilience in the context of your questions and also cover the cultivation of resilience with specific strategies for adults with ADHD.
· First, is it typically more difficult for people with ADHD?
· Resilience is the ability to bounce back from defeats and failures and keeping going. It is the ability to weather difficult times without giving up. It is a learned skill and is learned with the love and support of those providing care and guidance as we grow up. We need the encouragement and someone believing in us and showing us the way through so we can learn that there is something other than defeat and failure ahead of us. If the person with ADHD has experienced many defeats and failures throughout their life because they didn’t know they had ADHD or they never got the support, guidance, encouragement, strategies or tools they needed to live their best life, then they would have accumulated a lot of self-defeating thinking, with little or no reprieve from that. And without having learned what it is to be resilient and be able to bounce back, one doesn’t have the mindset or the actual tangible skillsets to weather these types of life experiences. However, they can still be learned later in life when they’re not learned in your younger years, so no worries on that.
· Second, what issues might ADHD people have with resilience?
· The first reaction to a difficult situation or failed relationship or lost job is a sense of personal failure. “I failed” or “I am a failure”. This is misplaced identification. If we identify with a failure to achieve a desired outcome, as “we” are a failure, which is an identity statement, we are doomed.
· There are many reasons that we may have failed to achieve a desired outcome. We may have been trying to achieve it in an environment or with a person that is not well suited for the success we were seeking. If we attempt to have a healthy and successful relationship with someone who isn’t equipped to have that with us, we will not be able to achieve that outcome. If we attempt to have a successful work life or career working for a company that isn’t supportive of us, and our development as an employee, we will not achieve that outcome. We need to make sure that we place ourselves with people and in environments that will make it possible for us to achieve our desired outcomes. It is not a personal failing or a moral failing to not succeed.
· It may also be that we are missing certain skills, such as Executive Function skills, and because they are missing, we cannot achieve our desired outcome for success, in the way we have been trying to achieve it; there are workarounds though.
· Missing skills is not a crime or a moral failing; it is just missing skills. I am coming to see that the idea of “pre-skills” that I have talked about from the beginning is linked directly to Executive Function skills. If our neurodevelopment doesn’t fully come online and we are missing the “pre-skills” that would then allow us to be able to learn the “new skills” that we need or want to learn to do things we don’t yet do, we have to master the “pre-skills” first; some of which might be Executive Function skills.
· We need a fully functioning system to then go out and seek what we want to do in life. If we are not a fully functioning system, we can have successes but they may be lopsided due to our lopsided growth pattern and missing skills and information.
· And for those who are bright, gifted adults, their giftedness may seem to close the gaps or bridge the gaps for a period of time in their lives, however, the gaps still exist and actually the difference between what we see that they are capable of and what they are actually capable of in the moment is hugely different. The missing Executive Function skills makes bridging the gaps impossible for them too and often leads to a severe depression or even an existential depression due to the meaninglessness of life for them, and their inability to achieve what they feel is inside of them.
· Third, specific strategies to cultivate resilience that might help those with ADHD
· There are exercises and skills to be learned to build resilience later in life. This can be achieved. However, it takes longer and is more work because we are not doing it in the context of when it naturally comes online to be developed, as in childhood. However, we can develop it; that’s the point. We are not stuck unless we decide we are stuck and stay stuck.
· A simple place to start would be to decide what you want to learn, and then become a sort of apprentice under someone who knows how to do what you want to learn to do. For them to be the right person for you to apprentice with, they need to be able to provide the scaffolding you need in the experience to help guide you through as well as support and encourage you to keep going, even when you fall down and need to get back up and keep going. That’s all part of the experience of learning and life.
· ADHD and Executive Functioning are not the same, however they are very closely related, and kind of need to be talked about together.
- ADHD refers to the 3 core symptom clusters of being inattentive, hyperactive and/or impulsive; that’s it.
- The topic of Executive Function and skills is another big topic and will be covered in a separate episode. Think of this as like the Chief Executive Officer of a large company and the person who is providing good leadership.
- However, so I don’t leave you hanging, the Executive Function skills include the following that could be missing
· Impulse control: the ability to think before you act
· Emotional Regulation: the ability to monitor and control your emotional reactions
· Shifting: the ability to switch from one activity to another, or adjust when plans change
· Initiating: the ability to start a task or assignment
· Planning: the ability to think through the steps towards a goal
· Organizing: the ability to keep things in a logical order or location
· Working Memory: the ability to keep one piece of information in mind while doing something else; i.e. keeping your whole “to-do” list in mind while completing one task at a time
· Self-Monitoring: the ability to think about and analyze your own actions
- From what I’ve studied over the years, I’ve learned that not everyone who struggles with Executive Functioning has ADHD, but everyone with ADHD struggles with Executive Functioning. In fact, I think it’s the Executive Functioning that becomes an even bigger challenge, as we get older, because when we are younger our parents typically act as our surrogate CEO. As a teen and certainly as an adult, we need to do these things for ourselves, which means the responsibility falls to us to learn how to do these things.
· I hope my input has given all of you some things to consider about resilience, ADHD and executive functioning, as well as a place to start, so you can begin to take a look at your own life and see what the issues are for you, and what you are going to need to attend to in order to cultivate the resilience and executive skills you might be missing.
Transitioning to our next topic…
Thank you to Tami, in CA for the second topic of the Impact of Menopause
· She asked and shared - “Can you please tell me about the impact of menopause on ADHD? I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD as a child, only when my children were diagnosed did I consider the possibility that I had it too. Initially, when I discovered that I had gone thru menopause, I thought I was suffering from Alzheimer’s because my brain was functioning differently. I couldn’t do things that I had been doing for years (organizing my lesson plans in the new academic calendar). After maybe 3-5 years, I learned that I was experiencing ADHD symptoms and not Alzheimer’s, thank God but not from my doctor. How can doctors, who are not required to know how to diagnose ADHD, distinguish it in women who go through menopause and give them proper support (unlike me who by accident read an article)?
Response to Tami, in CA:
· Thanks for your questions and what you shared!
· I decided that I could weave them all together and talk about Menopause and ADHD in general as well as address your specific questions.
· I will also remind you all that I am not an M.D. and do not have the medical understanding or training that an M.D. has to explain what happens. I’m going to share with you what I’ve learned and know was my experience and that of the many women I have worked with over the years. I hope it will shed some light and be of benefit.
· I’ll start with saying that I didn’t know about the impact of menopause on women with ADHD until I went into peri-menopause myself around age 52. What a shock it was for me. For the majority of my life I had created criteria, structures, rituals, strategies, rules and guidelines that had supported me or provided the scaffolding I needed to successfully go to college and complete all of my degrees, as well as successfully start and grow my businesses. So prior to age 52, I didn’t really feel that my ADHD was a challenge.
· However, when peri-menopause set in, it was as if I had inherited an alien brain in place of the one I previously had. None of the well thought out structures and such were working anymore; it was crazy.
· What I learned is that when women go into menopause, their estrogen levels begin to decline, and that cognitive function is affected by the decline in estrogen, and so ADHD symptoms appear much more pronounced and troublesome.
· My first thought was about hormone replacement therapy, but given my family’s history, that wasn’t an option for me. So, my next consideration was medication, which was the first time I considered that option. I researched the various medications, given my years of working in medical offices while in college, and decided on what I felt would be the best option for me. I sought out a prescriber, discussed my decision and started with medication. I feel very fortunate in terms of absolutely no side effects and only benefits from the medication. The plan was to utilize the medication until I felt that I had a solid foundation of new skills, abilities and strategies onboard and solidly in place, and then titrate off the medication. This is what I have been doing over the years and am titrating off of the medication at this point in time.
· Clearly there are no skills in pills and so there’s been a lot of new learning and studying of myself needed in order to construct a new way of living that works well moving forward. I am grateful to have taken all the time I’ve needed to do this for myself; it’s been quite the gift of self-love.
· I also studied gut health and the types of nutritional support (foods, herbs and such) that I now need during this part of my life.
· Something very interesting I learned that bears sharing here is the following:
o Both the brain and the gut share much of the same tissue
o You’ve probably heard of the neurotransmitter Serotonin, which is responsible for regulating things in the body like mood, appetite and sleep. The right amount of Serotonin in the brain produces a relaxed and positive feeling.
o As it turns out, approximately 90% of the Serotonin in the body is located in the gut. The remaining 10% is synthesized in the central nervous system (CNS).
o Hence, when your gut is a mess, like with leaky gut syndrome or other imbalances, it can have a huge impact on your mood and cognitive functioning. For that reason, my gut health has become a priority for my increased health and well being
o Gut bacteria significantly influence the communication between the brain and the gut. When the gut is full of healthy bacteria, it has the potential to regulate mood and positive feelings. When it doesn’t, we are at risk for depression and less effective cognitive functioning, which to me is possibly what is also happening to women who enter peri-menopause and menopause and get hit with such a radical shift in functioning.
o Plus, for medications and other nutrients to be absorbed effectively, your gut needs to be clean and functioning well. If it’s all coated over with gunk from years of poor eating habits, it just can’t do the job it was designed to do for you.
· As to how can doctors give women with ADHD the support they need and deserve if they aren’t trained to identify ADHD in women? The short answer is, they can’t. And it isn’t just the medical doctors. The lack of training across the board for professionals with regard to adult ADHD and more specifically adult women with ADHD is staggering. It seems like it’s up to us women to become educated ourselves so we can advocate and seek the best care available once we know what we need to be looking for. Not a perfect solution, and yet it’s what we seem to face. The diagnostic criteria of ADHD are male-based anyways, not based on females, so that just adds to the challenges here. However, there are professionals out there who are well trained and can help us; it just takes some looking.
· I hope my input has given you some ideas about the impact of menopause on women with ADHD and the many other things to consider when moving forward with your own health plan. Very important for you to attend to your gut health, if you haven’t already done so. And for those of you who aren’t yet of menopause age, I highly recommend that you take preventative steps for your gut health starting today. You’ll be glad you did.
Transitioning to our next topic…
Thank you to Danny in CA for the third topic of Communication Potholes
· He asked – “What are some of the more serious or unhealthy communication problems that ADHD adults tend to exhibit?”
Response to Danny in CA:
· Thanks for sharing your question with me!
· This is a huge challenge many adults face. I’ll cover some of the challenges and solutions today and perhaps dedicate an entire episode to communication in the future.
· Some of the challenges:
o Beginning a conversation in your head and only externalizing it to others half way through, even when you think you’ve been saying it aloud the entire time. (I used to do this a lot)
o Leaving out important details or adding in way too many details
o Blurting out without thinking first
o Interrupting others or cutting them off mid sentence or finishing their sentences or thoughts before they do
o Difficulty saying what you mean, like info gets trapped inside
o Not able to get your words out when you feel put on the spot; brain shuts down like a trap
o Rushing to get your thoughts out because you don’t know how to encapsulate it all into a succinct bottom line and are worried that other people won’t hold space for you long enough to get your full thoughts out
o Needing to communicate by a specific method in order to get to your point that may be too long or filled with too much details that others don’t deem as relevant, even though it’s the process you need to express yourself
o Insisting that others understand you before you try to understand them
o Being judgmental or blaming in your communication
o Unable to separate out the fluff from the important details
o Reading into what people are saying and taking the wrong message or idea from the conversation or exchange
o Not asking clarifying questions or doing so by interrupting rather than when the person has finished what they wanted to say
o Not thinking about what you want to say or convey to someone before you start talking, so you can track whether or not you were effective in your communication
o Not learning how others listen or hear, and then speaking in that language, rather than just dumping out information that the listener won’t be able to stay present for
o Giving too much information at once without pacing it for the listener
· Some of the solutions:
o Many of the challenges I’ve shared with you are due to both ADHD and to Executive Function skill deficits, which I talked about in response to an earlier question in this episode.
o To even begin to get at some of the solutions, I suggest you first identify what the source of the challenges are; meaning which are ADHD, which are Executive Function and which are both.
o Then comes the training. There are options, such as training on apps for improvements with symptoms of ADHD and symptoms of Executive Function deficits. One that I like a lot is Peak Pro, which I think I’ve talked about in a previous episode. It trains for areas such as language, problem solving, memory, focus, mental agility, emotion and coordination. They also have advanced trainings for handling emotions, memory, attention, creative thinking, empathy, and working memory. It’s a nice combination of training for both ADHD and EF.
o Another option is CBT or cognitive-behavioral training, which has been researched and used successfully for adults with ADHD and EF challenges.
o Another option is DBT or dialectical behavior training, which has also been researched and used successfully for adults with ADHD and EF challenges. DBT focuses on four areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness.
· I hope my input has given you some new ideas on the unhealthy communication problems adults with ADHD face, perhaps helped you identify your own challenges more clearly, as well as offering you some beginning solutions for transforming those communication challenges.
That’s it for our 3 questions today. I want to thank Valerie, Tami and Danny for their questions for the Ask Dr B format.
Anticipating that you, like many other adults with ADHD all over the world want a better life, are ready to do what it’s going to take to create that life, and that as comprehensive as my podcast episodes are, you still need or want more, it’s one of the reasons that I have created many different resources for you. Here’s what’s available so far:
· This podcast show, Harness Your ADHD Power, which currently releases two episodes per week, on Mondays and Thursdays.
· The Harness Your ADHD Power Community on Facebook. With listeners in many parts of the world, I created a space were we can all come together to exchange ideas, talk about challenges and get answers as well. Please friend me on Facebook and then come and join our community with other like-minded adults making this journey.
· Live videos on my Facebook page, ADDventures in Achievement, because many of you enjoy watching videos as well as listening to podcasts. So three times per week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I go live and answer questions in an Ask Dr B format.
· ADDventures in Achievement. After 30+ years of working 1:1 with adults with ADHD and hearing from many who wanted to work with me that they couldn’t afford to do so for any meaningful period of time, I worked out a solution. Because the program includes lots of 1:1 work, I limit enrollment to ensure the success of all current students. New enrollment opens in August, so get on the Waitlist if you want to receive additional information.
Remember, your needs matter to me. If I am going to help make a significant difference in your lives, I need to know what your challenges are; what you are struggling with. I really do want to know what the #1 biggest struggle or frustration is you have right now, so I created a quick little survey for you. It’s 6 questions and brief.
The link to the survey is in the Show Notes as well as in the post for today’s podcast episode. I hope you’ll stop by my site and choose to take a few minutes to respond to the survey. Thanks in advance for your participation. Survey Link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/79XXGCZ
A Favorite Quote:
Buddha said, “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is “Do you have compassion for others challenges and struggles? And if so, do you extend that same compassion to yourself for your challenges and struggles or do you let the voices in your head attack you because you KNOW the backstory behind yours and deem them excuses not worthy of your compassion? If so, it’s time to silence those voices right now! Remember that your value is as a human being, not as a human doing, and your value is equal to every other precious being in this Universe. So keep practicing your compassion for all beings. It’s so worth it!!
Whether you’re learning from my podcast episodes or live videos or working with me directly in my innovative online program or 1:1, you are in my world and I’m here to serve your needs. And no matter how you choose to have me serve your needs, it is an honor to accompany you on your journey and make a difference in the quality of your life. So be sure to reach out and get your needs met. It’s up to you to take action here so things can change for you.
There are three actions steps you can take to get some of your needs met:
1. Ask Dr B and get your questions answered directly on a podcast episode.
2. Answer the quick little 6-question survey so I know what your #1 struggle or frustration is right now and can respond to it
3. Get on the Waitlist to receive additional information about my innovative program, ADDventures in Achievement that is opening up for limited enrollment in August.
You’ll find the links for all three action steps on my website! Do it for yourself today!
I appreciate you showing up to listen today and in the future. For now, the new episodes are released on Mondays and Thursdays. As a subscriber, the newest episode will be in your feed by 1 am Pacific time, plus you won’t miss out on anything “special” I create; certainly a good reason to subscribe. Perhaps make a date with yourself to listen to each podcast episode, so you hear your questions answered if you’ve asked any for the Ask Dr B format or just enjoy all the episodes, where I’ll be talking about such compelling topics as releasing shame and guilt, seeing the path, making a plan, and setting yourself up to successfully begin tasks. Remember, I love answering questions, so ask away for the Thursday episodes.
I’m here for you and will continue to tailor both the Ask Dr B and regular episodes to meet your needs. To do an even better job of that, I’d love to know what you need to know or would just enjoy hearing my point of view on. You can also post your suggestions for topics in the community group I created on Facebook. And if you’re not yet a member of that group, just friend me on Facebook and then I’ll add you to the community. Love to have you join us from wherever you are in the world!!
So, if you enjoyed today’s episode or any of the other episodes, please share this podcast show with your friends and family, as well as rate the show. If you’d like to do a little more, write a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know I’m meeting your needs. It doesn’t have to be anything lengthy; just a line or two of how the podcast is helping you, if it is.
And, I do love hearing from you, reading your reviews and learning how the podcast show is benefiting you and those you care about. It means a lot to me to know your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together.
So that’s about it for today. If you want to participate in the survey, ask me a question, get on the Waitlist, receive periodic updates on new happenings with Dr B, or just download your Show Notes, you can do all of that on my website, as well as learn about other resources and services, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Episode Resources:
- Put yourself on the information list for the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, so that you receive all the amazing emails we’ve written to both educate you about Executive Function skills as well as the details of the program; there is absolutely no obligation by being on the list. You’ll thank yourself for getting informed.
- Free Video and e-Book - Many Mental Health Providers & ADHD
- 13 EF Skills
- Join the amazing Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group & hang out with your peeps
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
To Help The Show:
Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others!
Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes. The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.
Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
