Ask Dr B – about Later In Life Diagnosis, Having Hope & Becoming Successful - 032
Aug 10, 2017Welcome to the fourteenth Ask Dr B episode, and the thirty-second episode overall of Harness Your ADHD Power, a podcast show I created to explore the many facets of adult life with ADHD and how you can learn to harness your personal ADHD power to become unstoppable.
I’m so glad you could join me today for my podcast show. We’ve got a tighter format, hot topics and clear steps to take starting today, so let’s get to it.
So many of the adults I work with or dialogue with have been diagnosed later in life. There are many reasons for this and it’s not the end of the world; far from it - it’s the beginning of your new life. Borrowing a phrase from the Foreword to the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous - “recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” is what comes to mind when I think of ADHD and Executive Function Deficits. Many adults have lived or continue to live in a seemingly hopeless state. Many haven’t received a diagnosis yet or any truly useful help, and many feel hopeless; even suicidal at times. I’ve even sat with pre-teens who were feeling so hopeless that they couldn’t focus or study or keep up with their assignments and had all but given up. That is just NOT okay! Not for anyone!!
And since our mental health system doesn’t seem to be able to catch up or step up to address this huge problem, then it’s up to you to educate yourself and advocate for yourself and your loved ones as best you can, so that the care that is so desperately needed is received. And that’s all well and good for me to say that, but you might not feel that you are able to do this on your own. I get it. And, I’m going to give you whatever I can here to help.
I’m going to be addressing three inter-related topics today to help you see the path from hopelessness to diagnosis to having hope to becoming successful as an adult living with ADHD. It’s definitely a journey, one that is unique for each person, and there is definitely a path to follow. In fact, it’s kind of a hero’s journey path; one where you are definitely the hero!!
My VERY curious mind is always wondering what the #1 biggest struggle or frustration is for you right now, so I can help you with it. I wake up each day wondering that, so I can direct my energy to the solutions you need. I really want to know; I do. The thought of millions of adults with ADHD suffering every day is a painful thought to me, especially when I have answers and solutions that could ease your pain.
In this episode, I respond to topics about issues or challenges you experience as an adult living with ADHD, and offer you hope. Today's topics are Later In Life Diagnosis, Having Hope & Becoming Successful As An Adult Living With ADHD.
And remember to pay attention to your WINS!! Look for them, acknowledge them, celebrate them in a full-hearted way! Exaggerate your emotions and feel the rush of excitement of having done something special and worthy of celebrating. You can even celebrate YOU!
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
HYAP Podcast Episode #032
Ask Dr B – about Later In Life Diagnosis, Having Hope & Becoming Successful - 032
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Today is Episode 32 with Dr B, and the fourteenth “Ask Dr B” Show.
Hey ADDers! I’m so glad you could join me today for my podcast show. We’ve got a tighter format, hot topics and clear steps to take starting today, so let’s get to it.
So many of the adults I work with or dialogue with have been diagnosed later in life. There are many reasons for this and it’s not the end of the world; far from it - it’s the beginning of your new life. Borrowing a phrase from the Foreword to the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous - “recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” is what comes to mind when I think of ADHD and Executive Function Deficits. Many adults have lived or continue to live in a seemingly hopeless state. Many haven’t received a diagnosis yet or any truly useful help, and many feel hopeless; even suicidal at times. I’ve even sat with pre-teens who were feeling so hopeless that they couldn’t focus or study or keep up with their assignments and had all but given up. That is just NOT okay! Not for anyone!!
And since our mental health system doesn’t seem to be able to catch up or step up to address this huge problem, then it’s up to you to educate yourself and advocate for yourself and your loved ones as best you can, so that the care that is so desperately needed is received. And that’s all well and good for me to say that, but you might not feel that you are able to do this on your own. I get it. And, I’m going to give you whatever I can here to help.
I’m going to be addressing three inter-related topics today to help you see the path from hopelessness to diagnosis to having hope to becoming successful as an adult living with ADHD. It’s definitely a journey, one that is unique for each person, and there is definitely a path to follow. In fact, it’s kind of a hero’s journey path; one where you are definitely the hero!!
I say that because it takes tremendous courage to face what is, give a name to it, understand it for what it is and has been, forgive yourself for how it’s been because it’s not your fault that you didn’t know, cultivate hope for your life moving forward as you learn how to become successful as an adult living with ADHD. And just so you know, receiving a diagnosis later in life does NOT preclude you from taking this journey; it just means there are additional issues you may need to address because you’ve experienced so many life events without knowing the cause of the challenges, and most likely made negative meanings from the countless failures you might have experienced along the way.
None of your history marks you as someone who cannot or will not recover from what has been and be able to move into what can be for you. What you have accumulated are wounds and interpretations; and since you are the meaning maker of your life, you get to decide what meanings you will choose to apply to your past experiences and those for your future.
Many of you come to this later in life diagnosis having been abused, neglected, abandoned or kicked to the sidelines in a multitude of ways. My heart breaks every time I think of just how hard it’s been for many of you. And yet, you’ve survived and are still here; your fighting spirit still wants a good life and hasn’t quit trying to get it.
I want you to have the life you want for yourself as much as any other person can want something for another. I feel it’s your birthright to have a good life and to be happy, and that just because you didn’t have that in the first half of your life doesn’t mean you don’t get to have it in the second half; it just doesn’t.
And since helping you to shape new behaviors is part of my intention here with the stories and action steps for you to take, I want you to know that based on the science of neuroplasticity, you can change the “shape” of your life moving forward. However, if you are holding a belief that you are “terminally unique” which many do, this is going to need to be addressed and resolved. Why? Based “terminally unique” (to me) implies that you are “exceptionally different” and that you don’t really fit into society, which can contribute to feeling of isolation and depression. Believing that you are somehow “terminally unique” can make it hard for you to connect with people. This feeling often stems from feeling of insecurity or self-doubt; I get it. I’ve been there. Perhaps you even believe that what’s working for so many others and helping them to succeed, can’t possibly work for you, and that you are doomed to live the life you’ve had forever! I remember feeling that way and was told that I didn’t have to “believe” that it could happen for me. I just had to be willing and open to believing it could as I took the necessary steps forward towards the life I wanted for myself. Speaking only for myself, that advice was solid and I did “come to believe” along the way. What allowed me to “come to believe” that it could happen for me was being a student of my own life and measuring my own progress, day by day, and seeing the differences and changes, even if they were very small. I celebrated all of them because they were happening! And I guess I was a “seeing is believing” kind of person back then; and so when I saw, I could begin to shift my belief and start believing that it could happen for me too. I believe this is the journey that many of us make, and firmly believe that if you do what you need to do for yourself, which will be specific and unique to you, you too can and will move from being stuck to unstoppable. I’m not saying it’s always fast, or certainly not easy, but with clear steps to take and a clear path to follow, you can get there! You can! And you are NOT alone!
I have intentionally created many ways for you to not be alone in this journey because we all need each other; we do.
And if you need to learn and master executive function skills or anything else I suggest, you are going to need to set aside the time to do so. And I hear you! Set aside “what” time when you already feel strapped for time, and steal from your sleep or other places in your life to barely get things done? I get it. These executive function deficits may be affecting many areas of your life and perhaps are the underlying reason for so many of your challenges. And you don’t have to have ADHD to have executive functions deficits. As I’ve said before, most all with ADHD have these deficits, and there are many others of you who do not have ADHD but have these executive function deficits and they are derailing your life. So either “life” will make you stop and have to address them or you will be proactive and choose to do so before a crisis hits. I will do whatever I can to help you!
Shifting gears for a moment since this is an Ask Dr B episode…
Did you wake up with any questions this morning? Are you looking for answers? If so, consider sending your questions over to me so I can answer them for you. I’d love to do that! And if your questions arise in the moment, when you think about the tasks you have to complete and feel overwhelmed before you even get to them because you have questions like: Where do I start? How do I start? What do I do when I get to something that stops me? Or maybe you even wonder if you should start on something. Is that you? If so, then keep track of your questions, as best you can, and send them over to me so I can help you get answers and get unstuck. If you have lots of questions, then ask me lots of questions; seriously!! You’ll be doing me a big favor by sending me your questions! Honestly!
And in case you’re wondering what kind of questions you can ask me, here’s some examples of what others have asked me over the years:
· How can I declutter my home without getting overwhelmed?
· Is there a best way for adults with ADHD to live?
· Is ADHD really a gift instead of a curse?
Your questions matter to me; all of them! How are you going to do what you want or need to do if your mind if filled with questions and roadblocks instead of excitement and motivation? Where are you supposed to turn in times like that? Well, one place you can turn is to me, which is one reason I created the Ask Dr B format. It’s also why I quickly started doing two episodes a week; because I felt you needed information more quickly than a weekly show. I know how much information is missing for so many of you, and that you just can’t successfully move forward without filling in some pretty huge gaps if you want to achieve lasting success and happiness; there’s just no shortcuts here. By adding the Ask Dr B episodes, I wanted you to have someone to reach out to, and tell them what you are trying to achieve, as best you can. I wanted to be able to write to you and ask you questions like “do you know how to do A, B, C, D, etc. and you could tell me what you knew and didn’t know. And because I know the sequences and the steps, I could guide you through the tasks you want to get done and answer your questions along the way. I’d really like to be that person for you.
I made it even easier to get your questions over to me. Just head over to my website and you’ll see “Ask Dr B” in the main menu now. Just click there and ask away!! I’ll be notified immediately and get to work on them for the next Thursday show.
And in the event your question is outside the scope of my license, practice and/or knowledge base, I will find a guest who can address your question and have them do so on one of the special guest shows. Either way, you will get answers, to the best of my ability to provide them.
You’ve heard me say this before if you’re a regular listener, and it continues to be true. MY very curious mind is always wondering what you all are struggling with or frustrated by, so I can help you with it. I love directing my time, effort and energy to the solutions you need. It’s one of the reasons I created The Harness Your ADHD Power Community on Facebook. That community space is a place for us to learn about and from each other, as well as for me to learn more about what you all need. I’d love to get to know you all in that space. So please friend me on Facebook and then come and join the community! I’ve decided to go live in that community group once a week, probably on Mondays, to answers questions you have as well as offer a short teaching on a topic of interest or need. I’ll be creating a post in the group with more information updating you. Thanks to those of you who have already joined us and actively participate.
If you’re a new listener to the show, welcome! If you’re a subscriber or regular listener, thanks for your loyalty and for trusting me to share meaningful content with you in each and every episode. And whether this is your first or thirty-second time of listening to my show, you’ll hear me say time and again, that you are NOT what you do or don’t do; that you are more than that. WE are not defective or less than as people – as human beings; we’re just wired differently and the difference is actually pretty cool once you have answers to your questions, know what you need to do and how to do it, and have the best tools for you to get it done, with the least amount of stress. It’s my hope that you’ll get some of what you need here.
And remember, I’m a work in progress, just like you. I learn something new every day and put it to work in my life. That approach comes from being willing to be a student of my own life, not judge myself for what I know or don’t yet know and stay focused on a strength-based, solutions-approach to my life. I have lots of strengths, as I know you do too, once you are able to set aside all the negatives that are clouding your ability to see your strengths. Our strengths are one of the things we have going for us and it’s important for us to acknowledge them and celebrate them; it is. Strengthening your strengthens can go a long way toward scaffolding your weaknesses.
Shifting gears again…
I absolutely love my world map, with little flags marking all the countries and states where you all are listening. It’s so cool! I want to acknowledge and welcome new listeners in France and Behrain, as well as any other new listeners. WE are not alone with our concerns! Not being much of a world traveler, it’s exciting to know my voice is traveling to all of you, no matter where you are on this planet of ours; that you are listening and relating to the challenges and stories and solutions. Thank you ALL for listening. You are truly a blessing to me, and your presence in my life is beyond anything I’d ever imagined.
Before I get to today’s questions and answers, I have a question for you; and you’ve heard it before if you’re a regular listener. It’s about your state of mind and your WINS. I can’t emphasize this enough, and will continue to ask you about your WINS and encourage you to acknowledge and celebrate them every day! I encourage you to “really look” for your WINS, and then acknowledge and celebrate all of them, because every WIN you celebrate on the road to your goals will serve to encourage you, lift your spirits, create a “can do” mindset that will lead you to more and more WINS. Plus tracking them will show you the path of your successes, which is wonderful to see!
So, what do I mean by WINS? They’re those little things that happen every day, good things, positive things in the bigger picture of your life, and yet they go unnoticed, unacknowledged and uncelebrated by you. It takes shifting your mindset, which is your attitude or outlook, and it’s totally worth it. Please don't be the person that continues to tell yourself that it’s pointless to reward yourself for what you’re ‘supposed to do.’ That these things are just the “thankless little tasks of life.” NO!! That couldn’t be further from the truth!! Those are the very things that deserve and need to be celebrated so it becomes easier to do them consistently and more enjoyably each and every time.
So, what’s it going to be for you today? Maybe you posted a goal for August in the community group; that’s a WIN. Perhaps you’re signing up for the ADDventures In Achievement program, that’s a WIN. Maybe you’ve changed the meaning of something that was bringing you down to a more positive meaning and now you are energized and grateful to move forward; that’s a WIN. You get the point; celebrate all of them. And none of this “half-hearted celebrating”; mean it. Exaggerate your emotions. YES!!!! WOW!! AWESOME!! And, certainly celebrate the big WINS too; it’s just that they happen less often and so celebrating daily WINS makes a difference faster in your life because of the frequency.
Shifting gears again…
Today’s episode is all about answering the questions you have about issues or challenges you experience as an adult living with ADHD, and offering you hope. How much time do we have? Not much. So let’s get to it.
Thanks to you, my listeners and group members, for today’s 3 topics:
1. Later in Life Diagnosis
2. Having Hope
3. Becoming Successful
Now back to being an adult with ADHD in today’s world.
There are a lot of different reasons why you didn’t receive a diagnosis until later in life, if that’s your situation. Perhaps you are a woman who didn’t show signs or symptoms of ADHD until after you had children, and had a household to run as well as your job and many other things. Or, you might be a woman who entered peri-menopause or menopause and because of the drop in estrogen, your cognitive functions took a hit and you started having challenges. Or, you’re a man who has never been hyperactive and hence were told that you couldn’t possibly have ADHD because that’s part of the diagnosis. Instead you’ve been inattentive, impulsive at times, and have executive function deficits that have held you back for years, leaving you underachieving and feeling really bad about yourself; and plenty of women find themselves in this situation too. Or, you’re someone who is attentive, and you got missed because you can pay attention and get things done, but you can’t control what comes out of your mouth or lack patience in just about every area of your life, due to the unaddressed impulsivity. Whatever the reasons, since everyone’s journey is unique to them, I am grateful for the opportunity to be here to answer what I can for you.
I’ll share a little about each topic, and suggest action steps to take, as always, because just hearing an answer or explanation isn’t enough; you need to take action or nothing actually changes. And if you can’t take action on the steps I suggest, you might have some pre-steps or pre-skills to attend to first, before you can act on what I’ve suggested. Again, everyone’s situation is different. However, what we all have in common is the ability to respond to our own needs. I hope at least one of these topics will resonate with you and be of benefit. So let’s keep going.
Today’s topics are a composite sharing based on the many questions I have received over the years on these very topics. I will share some of the questions, spend a little time with each topic, and then provide some action steps for you, as always.
That said, I’ll start with Later In Life Diagnosis:
· A common question is: What am I supposed to do with all the anger, resentment, grief and other strong feelings about all the years of my life that feel like they were wasted because of struggling and not knowing why?
· The short answer is, “you can’t change the past; it’s gone. So work through those feelings and let them go; they don’t serve you moving forward.” What you can change is only in this moment, and what you think and believe, right here and right now, and the path that will lie out in front of you as you make your way into your future.
· For many of us who receive a diagnosis later in life, there are lots of feelings to process and let go of so we can get on with the work that needs doing now, in order to live a good life going forward.
· As to why it took so long to get diagnosed and why nobody noticed the problem or if they did, that nothing was done until now; that’s still more of the same which is what happened has happened. It’s over and we can’t get it back. We can either spend our precious time ruminating about that and trying to figure it out, or we can see and understand the reality of our NOW and take the necessary steps to carve out a good life for whatever years we each have left.
· Just because I lived the first 50 years of my life not knowing, is no reason to spend the next 50 years of my life being upset about that fact, or bitter about lost opportunities or disastrous outcomes. Fact is, I could easily end up wasting the next 50 years in bitterness and frustration, instead of living as fully and completing as I can now.
· The action step to take if you are sitting with a bellyful of feelings is to find someone you trust to help you process those feelings so you can move on and embrace the life you have, and all that is really good about you, and make the most of your life with the time that you have.
· I hope my input has given you some things to consider about receiving a diagnosis later in life, new ways of viewing it, and what you might need to do to break free of the trap of the past.
Transitioning to our next topic, which is Having Hope. I’ve received many questions over the years about this topic and wanted to share some of the questions, my responses, and of course, some action steps.
· Bob asked: “Does there appear to be a time in the life of many persons with ADHD where they just give up in a sense and resign themselves to seeing themselves as underperformers?”
o I have talked with and worked with many adults with ADHD and most of them are starting from that place of having given up in a sense or resigned themselves to a life that is pretty much what they have. They want more and hope in a sense that they can have more, which is why they come to do the work, but they don't yet believe that things can really be different for them. They come to believe that things can be better for them and can change for the better by doing the things that will facilitate those changes.
· Bob asked: “What tools can they use to keep persevering and trying to achieve their goals?”
o A clearly defined path is the first step. Without that, what is the point of taking the journey? A way to chart your progress toward the end point is important as well. It's not as hard to persevere on a path when you know where you are going, how to get there and can see the progress you are making. It's like taking a road trip. You plan the trip and plot the course you will take to get there. You don't stop half way to your destination. You continue until you arrive. How is this different than what we’re talking about? The reason you continue on is because you know where you’re going, how you’re going to get there, and there is no doubt that if you continue on the path you have plotted you will arrive at your destination. This is the certainty that is needed with all other goals and journeys that we take. And what if you can’t clearly define the path? What if you can’t map out the steps to your goal? It’s relatively easy to follow the map when all that information is already there for you, but when you have to create it yourself, that’s when lots of problems can occur. What that means is that you might be missing some pre-skills to defining the path or map out the steps to your goal, and that you’re going to need to gain those skills first, before you’ll be able to make the journey.
· Danny asked: “What would you do (given ample funds) to get the message out to people currently struggling with ADHD that there is hope for change?”
o I believe that there isn't anything that can't be understood and solved. It may take time, and it may take resources, however there are answers. It’s important to know what the real problems or challenges are, not just guess at what they are. You can't solve a situation without knowing and then solving the real problem or challenge. There are real solutions for the real problems that people face. Sometimes people aren't willing to do what needs to be done in order to have what they want. I get it. There is a price for everything – whether it’s time, effort, energy or money. If we are willing to pay the price for what we want, then we can get it, provided we are going after the right solutions to the right problems. If we aren’t willing to pay the price, then we can't get it. We may need to downsize what we say we want to match that with the price we are willing to pay. If that doesn't work for us, then we are at a crossroads. We either have to rise up to the challenge and pay the price or accept that we don't want to pay the price and live within the means of what we will pay or invest in ourselves. When there is resistance to change, it's because things aren’t lined up correctly for that person to change. One size doesn't fit all with change or anything else. We have to know what it takes to get what we want and then we have to make the journey in a way that we can make it. Often people make global statements about what the problem is, like saying that they hate school or their job and can't do the work. After close examination of the situation they come to see that it isn't that they hate their entire work situation or their entire academic situation, but that there is one area or two areas that are the problem and that is bleeding over and contaminating the whole situation. They need to learn to compartmentalize what isn't working for them from what is working for them. And then enjoy what is working and embrace it. And find the solutions to what isn't working so it will.
· Emi asked: “What hope is there in treating and managing extreme ADHD to be able to consistently control restlessness in professional environments?”
o It’s important that the professional environment support your needs. Some people are very sensitive to fluorescent lights and get a headache or worse when around them for an entire day of work. You might need to have that lighting turned off and bring in a regular lighting device instead. Having your desk in the middle of a busy and distracting environment is not usually conducive to staying on task and focused on your work. You may need to be in a cubicle or put up portable dividers around the surface of your desk so you can block out the visual distractions of things around you and stay focused. You might need to use music and ear buds as white noise to block out auditory distractions. Again, it’s evaluating the situation and what the real problems are, so you can come up with creative solutions to the actual problems. · Anonymous asked: “How does learning more about ADHD help me and give me hope?”
o When you learn enough about ADHD in general and specifically your ADHD, to truly comprehend the challenges, you can begin to wrap your mind around what solutions there are for these challenges. When you can get underneath the symptoms of ADHD and find the core causes or issues that can be addressed, there can be hope. For example, executive functions are a real issue. It is something that gets developed in childhood and can still be developed later in life. Clearly, without these EF skills and abilities, we cannot do many of the adult required skills; we are lost. Addressing all that co-exists with ADHD is important in order to fully address what's going on. Drawing out a blueprint or map of each person's situation or circumstances to see the big picture as well as the details is important before embarking on the journey of fixing things or developing things. You need to know a lot before you get started. Yes, you can start without all this information and you may very well end up wasting a lot of time, effort and energy going in the wrong directions and trying to address things that are not the core issues.
· Anonymous asked: “How do I develop hope? How do I become hopeful?”
o I think hope comes with insight and information. Without those things, hope isn't real or substantial in its presence; it's false hope or a fantasy or dream. Hope for the best is a common phrase. What does that mean to hope for the best? To dream about the best? To long for the best? No, hope doesn't mean wishful thinking.
o A person who is high in hope knows how to do the following things: set clear and attainable goals; develop multiple strategies to reach those goals; and stay motivated to use the strategies to attain the goals, even when the going gets tough.
o From an article I read years ago, "How to help students develop hope,” the following five research-based guidelines were offered:
Identify and prioritize your top goals, from macro to micro. (This means you need the skill to prioritize, you need the skill to evaluate the size of something
Breakdown the goals - especially long-term ones - into steps (this means you need the skill of being able to know where the line is or the break between steps. You have to be able to see the steps or know the steps before you can actually break something down into the steps.)
There is more than one way to reach a goal (this means that you have to understand options thinking and have the capacity to embrace options instead of being locked into only one way to reach a goal. Because, if there is only one way to reach a goal or get your needs met and that one way disappears and is no longer available, you are frozen and stuck and dead in the water. If you have multiple ways to reach a goal or get your needs met, then you are never dead in the water, you can always keep moving forward, even if the options you thought would get you there aren't working, you will come up with new ones until you get there.)
Access to stories of success (this is fine except for the fact that if the stories don't reveal how those people got successful, step by step and all of the backstory about them and their skill set and mind set and all that information, then their stories are just nice stories but won't help the people in need because they still can't see the path to the goal. Stories need to be more than just inspirational in a storytelling way. They need to be instructional so that listeners can be both inspired and then instructed on "how" to get where they want to go just as the storytellers did.)
Keep it light and positive, and enjoy the process of attaining goals, and even laugh at themselves when they face obstacles and make mistakes, which they will (this will only work if they have the capacity to withstand these experiences in this way. They will need the resilience to do so and many don't have it. They will have to learn to enjoy the process because they don't. They will need to learn to laugh at themselves, rather than feel shame, disgust, dismay and all other negative emotions or feelings when things don't work out as desired or "planned". They will have to learn how to live with encountering obstacles and not quit or feel defeated. They will have to come to understand that making mistakes is part of the learning and growing process and that if they aren't making them, then they aren't really growing and changing.
We learn more by what doesn't work than by what does work. So long as we continue to have success but don't know why we are having the success, then we are not able to sustain it. When we know how and why we are having success and how we are sustaining it, then we can continue to do so. When we are not having success and we learn why we are not, and then make changes that will get us closer to success, and then we are growing.
So, wrapping up, with higher hope people have greater academic success, career success, marital success, stronger friendships and demonstrate more creativity and better problem solving. They have lower levels of depression and anxiety and are less likely to drop out or quit something. Research indicates that having hope may actually predict future successes - more than feelings of self-worth or positive attitude toward life. We need hope in order to feel the positives.
External evidence of people with high hope: they don't take failure personally; they use it to improve the next time. They are more optimistic; they tell themselves they can do it and won't give up until they do. Takeaway message - hope can be cultivated.
· I hope what I’ve shared helps you to understand more about having hope and that even if you’ve lost it, you can get it back again if you can model what it takes to have hope.
Transitioning to our next topic, which is setting up for being successful with ADHD as an adult.
· Bob asked: “What separates those ADHD adults who are successful and achieve many of their goals from those who continue to struggle?”
o Probably the hard work of taking an inventory to assess their strengths and assets as well as their liabilities and weaknesses for starters. Once you know the starting point and what you are dealing with, you can make a plan, or at least get help making a plan. Without this information, how could you possibly plan for a better future? Successful adults with ADHD as well as any other successful adults persevere. They don’t quit. They find a way to reach the goal they are seeking. They don’t take failures personally. They strive to be their best in all ways. They are open to other ways of doing things that are different from the ways they have been doing things. They have a mental and emotional flexibility that lesser successful people lack. They aren’t thrown off by a change in the plan. They are adaptable to change and embrace it more easily than those who do not succeed. They take very good care of themselves and seek to be top performers in life. That said, they do what they need to do to achieve that kind of life.
· Emi asked: “What are the key elements that successful people with ADHD do on a daily basis in their professional or business life?”
o They have a vision for their professional life
o They know what they stand for and have accountability for their choices
o They work well with others; they’re a team player
o They are open-minded and they believe that they can achieve their goals
o They map out the steps to their goals, consult advisors as needed and embark on their journey toward the achievement of their goals
o They use a calendar regularly and write things down
o They know how to prioritize things and get things done they commit to do
o They admit when they are wrong or don’t know so they can learn and grow
o They are not swayed by the opinions of others
· An important takeaway from this topic is that many of the things that successful people do involve executive function skills. And again, if we don’t put in the time to learn those skills we might be missing, we are going to get stuck when it’s time to be learning the more advanced adult skills for success; there’s just no shortcuts here.
That’s it for our 3 topics today. I want to thank my listeners and group members again for these topics for the Ask Dr B format.
A Favorite Quote:
Oprah Winfrey said, “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is “Are you celebrating and praising yourself everyday? And if you haven’t been, are you willing to start right now?” It’s a small difference you can make, that can make the difference for a lifetime.
Whether you’re learning from my podcast episodes or live videos or part of the new community group on FB or working with me directly in my innovative online program or 1:1, you are in my world and I’m here to serve your needs. So no matter how you choose to have me serve your needs, it is an honor to accompany you on your journey and make a difference in the quality of your life.
I appreciate you showing up to listen today and in the future. For now, new episodes are released on Mondays and Thursdays. As a subscriber, the newest episode will be in your feed by 1 am Pacific time, plus you won’t miss out on anything “special” I create; certainly a good reason to subscribe. And remember, I love answering questions, so ask away or suggest topics for the Thursday episodes.
So, if you enjoyed today’s episode or any of the other episodes, please share this podcast show with your friends and family, as well as rate the show. If you’d like to do a little more, I’d be grateful if you’d write a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know I’m meeting your needs and how the show is helping you, if it is. You don’t have to write anything lengthy; just a line or two would be great! I do love hearing from you, reading your reviews, learning about your struggles and how the podcast show is benefiting you and those you care about. It means a lot to me to know your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together.
So that’s about it for today. If you want to participate in the survey, ask me a question for a podcast episode or live video, get your free resources, receive periodic updates on new happenings with Dr B, get on the Waitlist for ADDventures in Achievement or just download your Show Notes, you can do all of that on my website, as well as learn about other resources and services, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Anticipating that many adults with ADHD all over the world want a better life, are ready to do what it’s going to take to create that life, and that as comprehensive as my podcast episodes are, you still need or want more, is one of the reasons I’ve created so many different resources for you. Here’s what’s available so far:
· This podcast show, Harness Your ADHD Power, which currently releases two episodes per week, on Mondays and Thursdays.
· The Harness Your ADHD Power Community on Facebook. With listeners in many parts of the world, I created a space were we can all come together to exchange ideas, talk about challenges and get answers as well. Please friend me on Facebook and then come and join our community with other like-minded adults making this journey.
· Live videos on my Facebook page, ADDventures in Achievement, because many of you enjoy watching videos as well as listening to podcasts. So three times per week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I go live and answer questions in an Ask Dr B format.
· A free video and e-book about getting your ADHD needs met from mental health professionals
· A free tips e-book on decision-making, since life’s filled with making decisions
· ADDventures in Achievement, my innovative online coaching and educational program. After 30+ years of working 1:1 with adults with ADHD and hearing from many who wanted to work with me that they couldn’t afford to do so for any meaningful period of time, I worked out a solution. Because the program includes lots of 1:1 work, I limit enrollment to ensure the success of all current students. New enrollment opens again on August 15th so get on the Waitlist if you want to receive additional information before the 15th to know if this might be right for you.
All the links and resources are on my website just waiting for you. Be sure to take advantage of everything I continue to generate with you in mind. And please reach out to me directly if there’s something else you’d like to see as a resource. I’d love to hear from you, because your needs matter to me! If I’m going to help make a significant difference in your lives, I need to know what your challenges are and what you need.
Episode Resources:
- Put yourself on the informational list for the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, so that you receive all the amazing emails we’ve written to both educate you about Executive Function skills as well as the details of the program; there is absolutely no obligation by being on the Information List. You’ll thank yourself for getting informed.
- Free Video and e-Book - Many Mental Health Providers & ADHD
- 13 EF Skills
- Join the amazing Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group & hang out with your peeps
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
To Help The Show:
Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others!
Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes. The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.
Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
