Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself? – 119
May 17, 2023Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself? One of my favorite quotes is by Buckminster Fuller, who said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” Thinking along the same lines as Fuller, I realized years ago that with so much that happens on our journey from birth to adulthood, unless we build a new model of ourselves and then move into that new model, we will be fighting the existing reality and model of our earlier life and selves forever, and trying to “fix” the dysfunctional, rather than create anew.
If changing the outcomes in your life was as easy as learning some new skills or moving to a new place to start over again, then everyone who does it that way would be happy with their new outcomes. It doesn’t work that way. Wherever you go, there you are. You are taking the existing model of who you have become up to now and attempting to shove new tools into that existing, dysfunctional model of you, and there is no room for this to happen. You are a closed system that has what it has and functions as it does within that closed system. You have to be willing to build a new model of yourself, for who you need to be or want to be, take the best from your existing model and move it over into your new model, and then release the rest of that original model because it is obsolete. My phrase for that release is borrowed from Star Trek and is “beam me up Scottie.” Since energy never dies, I don’t want to leave anything from the previous model of me, that is now obsolete, for me to slide back into at some point in time. I am clear that model is obsolete and I have built a new healthy model and I want to live from the place of that new model, not the old, dysfunctional one. This means we have to be able to let go of the old and embrace the new, and many have difficulty letting go of anything; especially the previous, outdated and dysfunction model of who they have been.
In this episode, I talk about:
- Building a blueprint for a new model of yourself
- Why change is not just as easy as learning new skills
- Common barriers to transformation
- And more!
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Hi Aspiring Achievers,
Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself? One of my favorite quotes is by Buckminster Fuller, who said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” Thinking along the same lines as Fuller, I realized years ago that with so much that happens on our journey from birth to adulthood, unless we build a new model of ourselves and then move into that new model, we will be fighting the existing reality and model of our earlier life and selves forever, and trying to “fix” the dysfunctional, rather than create anew.
If changing the outcomes in your life was as easy as learning some new skills or moving to a new place to start over again, then everyone who does it that way would be happy with their new outcomes. It doesn’t work that way. Wherever you go, there you are. You are taking the existing model of who you have become up to now and attempting to shove new tools into that existing, dysfunctional model of you, and there is no room for this to happen. You are a closed system that has what it has and functions as it does within that closed system. You have to be willing to build a new model of yourself, for who you need to be or want to be, take the best from your existing model and move it over into your new model, and then release the rest of that original model because it is obsolete. My phrase for that release is borrowed from Star Trek and is “beam me up Scottie.” Since energy never dies, I don’t want to leave anything from the previous model of me, that is now obsolete, for me to slide back into at some point in time. I am clear that model is obsolete and I have built a new healthy model and I want to live from the place of that new model, not the old, dysfunctional one. This means we have to be able to let go of the old and embrace the new, and many have difficulty letting go of anything; especially the previous, outdated and dysfunction model of who they have been.
If this sounds like sci-fi and impossible; it’s not. I have been living according to Fuller’s quote for years now and it’s amazing. How can we “fix” something that is broken? It’s not us that is broken, but the model, the system is definitely broken and dysfunctional and no number of adjustments to it will make it as wonderful as creating a new model and living from within that space.
This is the basis for my thinking for my life as well as for the transformative work with my students. You can’t stay the same and have something different and better. For things to change, you have to change is what a mentor of mine, Jim Rohn said. When we upgrade the model of who we are being, to who we want to be, the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, principles for living and behaviors or actions follow. It’s a complete package deal.
If you’ve been playing around with attempting to change your life without changing yourself, you are most likely struggling and making this harder on yourself that it needs to be. And, if you don’t have a roadmap and blueprint to follow, it’s going to be even harder. One of the reasons I created 2 options for my signature program, GSD, is because everyone’s needs are different. Some of you might just want the Fundamentals, while others want the Fundamentals and the Essentials. And now, you can get even more time in the full program for no additional cost, if you want to get started in the Fundamentals now, and then upgrade to the full program in a couple of months.
The GSD Fundamentals will help you to build a new model and make that transition into the new model of you, as well as work with your limiting beliefs that have held you back and help you build your pre-skills into your new model. And if that’s all you want, you can stop there, or you can continue on.
Let’s face it. The mental health system is broken. So many of you can’t get the services you need or the available professionals in your area just don’t have the proper training to help you. I’ve made it my responsibility to have the knowledge and provide the training and coaching so your needs get met. While it is my mission is to help as many people as possible to heal and transform themselves, I also want to make sure that those I am working with, are those I can help. So, if you want to upgrade your existing model for a new model, and need a blueprint to follow to achieve that, I’ve got the blueprint and can guide you on that journey. You can request to book a call with me and we can chat about your challenges and goals, and make sure that us working together is a good fit. If so, I would be honored to work with you as you transform yourself and your life.
If you are looking for a quick fix or hack, I’m not your gal. I help you develop life skills for success that are sustainable for life. I don’t go for the superficial band-aids; rather the internalization of skills that changes you from the inside out so your success is inevitable. Let’s create a society of well-regulated adults, and if you have children, you will be equipped to teach them how to be well-regulated and successful, rather than getting derailed by what they are feeling. I know this takes time and yet the time spent is well-worth the investment because the return is for a lifetime.
So, if you’ve never had your Executive Function Skills assessed, I highly recommend my free PDF, “13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back.” This is a good starting point to gain some insights into your level of development or deficit so you can understand what’s been holding you back, and potentially dysregulating you. I use a more comprehensive executive function skill assessment for the students in my GSD-FE program, because I want to know more in-depth information with the students I work with. However, the PDF I created is definitely a good starting place for everyone. You can grab your copy from my website; link is also in the show notes.
I often refer to the “human being” as Golden Buddha and the “human doing” as your stuff. Who you are is a given, and it’s your mission, should you choose to accept it, to clear away your stuff so you can shine brightly as your Golden Buddha-self. Think of the baby within you; what he or she did was be born – that’s it, and yet people are in awe of the baby simply because they are here.
You are that precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. As a “human being”, you don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. Your value comes from “who” you are “being”; not what you are doing, which means if you focus on “being” the highest expression of what resides within you, you can wake up every day with your value 100%. You may still be developing your “doing” abilities, yet as a “being” you are enough and that’s a great win to celebrate every day of your life.
Speaking of wins, what’s it going to be for you today? Did you spend time outdoors in nature? That’s wonderful! Perhaps you created something as an expression of some gift from within you. That’s fantastic! Maybe you were kind and gentle with yourself today and actually enjoyed your life. What a blessing! Congratulations on each and every one of your wins – big and small. They each deserve your whole-hearted celebrating! YES!! WOW!! THANK YOU!! You are honoring yourself every day and not many people do so. We all have daily wins, if we pay attention and look for them, and I am hopeful that you are celebrating them all.
How much time do we have? Not much. So, let’s get to it.
For those of you working with a professional in some capacity right now – whether a psychotherapist, counselor, or coach, if they haven’t given you a blueprint to follow to build a new model and they are spending your precious time and money trying to help you “fix” your existing model, that just isn’t the way to get the most for your time or money. As Fuller said, you need a new model, and as Rohn said, for things to change, YOU have to change. He meant at the deepest level of change. I know this from personal experience of having studied with Jim back in the 1970’s.
Much of what needs changing is stored in the subconscious part of your mind; not conscious. If you don’t develop your awareness of this subconscious information, you will never know what your existing model is and why it is so dysfunctional for you.
I’m trained as a psychotherapist and have done that work for over 35+ years. Knowing the limitations of that training from the start, I also trained in Neuro-Linguistic Psychology, Hypnotherapy, various types of healing Energy work, ADHD coaching, and wrote my dissertation on The Healer Within. The answers are within and so is the journey. You need a guide. And to get to those answers, you also need a roadmap to follow and a blueprint for the design of the new model of who you will be. You need a focal point for your transformation, so you know what needs to be achieved and if you move away from that, you need a way to find your way back to continue on with your development. That’s the purpose of a roadmap and blueprint. They keep you on course for your outcome.
Is the work you are doing random and without the structure to get you where you want to go in your life? And, are you monitoring who you are becoming on the way to what it is that you want for yourself so you don’t end up getting there, only to dislike yourself and/or the outcome? You need to be aware of the decisions you are making and whether or not they are good decisions for you for what you are seeking. Do you know how to do that? If not, that is one of the 3 pre-skills you will develop in Fundamentals.
Looking at the definition I referred to in the previous episode 118 on RSD, the European Union has defined ADHD syndrome to include 6 areas:
o Inattention and hyperfocus
o Impulsivity
o Hyperactivity
o Emotional dysregulation
o Excessive mind wandering
o Behavioral self-regulation (which they equated with EF deficits)
I look at this list and feel great knowing that I cover all of these areas in the full GSD program.
o You learn how to Consciously Focus, which is quite different than hyperfocus where you miss a ton of things going on
o You learn how to pause and inhibit your thinking, feelings and actions rather than impulsively react
o You learn to address hyperactivity but more so cognitive hyperactivity, which is most often the biggest challenge for adults; it’s just never quiet inside their head
o You learn how to emotional regulate yourself so you don’t derail constantly
o You learn to internalize and integrate the EF skills to help you with your excessive mind wandering. This doesn’t mean you can’t let your mind wander when that is what is needed; however, it’s not excessive and without your conscious decision
o You learn the behavioral self-regulation with the development of the 13 essential EF skills to close the gap on those deficits
And, even though it’s not a formal part of the program, the issue of codependency definitely arises because it is a coping strategy that many adults have developed as a means of surviving their life. Codependency is an absence of a healthy relationship with yourself because you are so focused on pleasing others or thinking about their needs or who you need to be to get along with others at the expense of yourself. Starting the healing journey about my codependency some 35 years ago has given me back 4 hours a day for myself that I never had before; that’s how much time I was wasting on codependent thinking, feeling and behaviors.
Emotional dysregulation as defined and utilized by EU:
“The type of emotional dysregulation seen in ADHD has been characterized as deficient self-regulation of emotional symptoms such as irritability, frustration and anger and low frustration tolerance, temper outbursts, emotional impulsivity, and mood lability. Emotional dysregulation in ADHD is different from episodic symptoms such as marked sustained irritability occurring within the context of altered mood states, such as an episode of extreme sadness or mania. In ADHD, emotional symptoms tend to reflect short-lived exaggerated changes, often in response to daily events, with rapid return to baseline within a few hours”
Are you settling in your life because you didn’t know that there was anything better for you to look forward to and achieve? Do you want to continue to settle for less than you deserve?
Back in 2012, I typed up 31 pages of strategies that I’ve taught adults over the years and the list has certainly increased since then. But drawing from that list, I often wonder if you all are aware of the many strategies and ways of living that make for a great life? So many of my students tell me that they never thought of the strategies I suggest for them; they weren’t aware and now they are and it’s obvious those would work so much better than what they’ve been doing.
We are building an arch to walk through so you can know a newfound freedom. Half measures avail you nothing, and that is what most of you get … nothing, if you consider nothing to be not getting the outcomes or life you want.
The most obvious example of half measures is the help you get for yourself. I offer a lot of free resources and those are easy to grab. However, if you don’t download the PDF, read it and actually apply the information contained within it, then it is of no benefit to you. Grabbing it isn’t the same as taking ownership of the guidance.
The same behavior shows up with the free roadmap for GSD and TTC. Many of you eagerly grab the free roadmap, but may not even watch the free training video on the next page or even download the roadmap and review it after you watch the training video. And, what definitely requires more of you is to click the link to book a free call with me to discuss your challenges and goals and see if the actual program represented by the free roadmap could actually benefit you. It reminds me of years ago when I had a very untrained mind and would do the same thing; not follow through on what I needed for my own personal growth. I had to train my mind to follow through and it learned how to do so and it’s great.
I know that so many of you want quick fixes to eliminate the immediate pain and suffering and yet, you will be seeking quick fixes for the rest of your life because the pain and suffering returns and you have to fix it again and again. How exhausting – and what a waste of time. Wouldn’t you rather transform yourself and your life just this once and have sustainability for the rest of your life? If so, please click the link to set up a call with me and let’s talk about your pain and suffering and goals you want to achieve, so we can figure out if you are a good fit for one of the programs. That’s 30 minutes of your time talking to me; perhaps the best 30 minutes you’ve ever spent. Only one way to find out… I only book a limited number of calls per week so be sure to get yours booked before they disappear. I’m looking forward to speaking with you very soon. The tools for your transformation are waiting for you, if you really want to change the course of your life. And our first live coaching call is coming up in a couple of weeks as well.
It’s easy to opt-in and get free resources or listen to a podcast; it’s another thing to be serious about what you know you need help with and talk to someone about your needs. If do this with a therapist or coach and they charge you for their time. There is no charge for the call with me. I’m not interested in selling you on anything. If you are interested in changing and living beyond your ADHD, how interested are you? If you are someone who thinks to themselves: “that would be nice; but I just don’t have the time or money or accountability to do something like that” – how do you know? Based on your past experiences or current life circumstances? That’s my point. If you live from current circumstances or past experiences, and what you can do never changes, that approach is probably not working too well for you.
If you are in our Facebook group, Living Beyond ADHD, you may have noticed that there is no longer any new activity there. Everything is happening outside of that group. The Transformation Club was created so you could have live quality training every month, with replays if the timing doesn’t work for you live. And, there’s a live Q & A the following week to answer whatever questions you have about working with the lifework in that training and handout. You have privacy, community and quality training and support. And now, we’ve arranged it so you can jump on a call with an amazing member of Team Dr B to ask her whatever questions you have about TTC to make sure it is a good fit for you and your needs. If yes, she can help you with your enrollment process and if no, she can refer you to other resources.
Whatever your needs, we’ve got you covered. Structure. Support. Community.
From my perspective, here are 2 important questions to ask yourself:
Do you have a roadmap and blueprint to become the person you need to be in order to have what you want to have and do what you want to do? If your answer is Yes; that’s wonderful. If your answer is No; I encourage you to get a free copy of the GSD roadmap, watch the free training that comes with it, and then book a call with me to chat about your needs and if this is a good fit for you. No pressure; just honest feedback.
If you know you have deficits, what are they costing you and what will the further cost be to you if you don’t do something about them now?
If you live in the UK, and are interested in the GSD program, and need what my GSD program offers you but finances are an issue, there is a grant assistance program through Access to Work that just might provide the funding for the GSD program for you; it has for a number of my students. If you live in Australia, or Ireland or other places, there may also be funding to help you access the GSD program. To learn more about what might be available to you if you live in those areas, check the page on my website – link is in the show notes.
And while you are waiting for your grant assistance to come through, if this applies to you, consider coming into The Transformation Club to start your EF skill transformation with other like-minded adults from around the world.
Life is precious, and time even more so. We all get a certain amount of time here. And when that time is up, it’s up. Are you living like you have all the time in the world? You don’t. Time doesn’t wait for us to be ready – it just keeps passing along. I learned a long time ago that my life won’t wait forever for me to be ready to embrace it and live it to the fullest. If I want that life, I have to take action to get ready and live it.
If you want an intentional life, you need to be intentional about what you bring into your life. Be 100% responsible for the life you create for yourself. Even if you have challenges in your life, there are solutions, and you can increase the quality of your life tremendously, especially if you develop your EF skills.
If you resonate with what I share and my approach, and would like to benefit from more than just my podcast show, you have those options now. The decision is yours to make. The years will pass no matter what you decide. It’s really the choice of what you will put into those years rather than them just be passing years filled with frustration and regrets.
You heard me earlier talking about the currency of time as our most precious asset, since it’s not something we can ever get back. No matter how you spend your time, it’s gone. This is a huge price to pay for hesitation or indecision.
If you need what I am offering, I urge you to take action today and not do the typical - “that’s nice Dr B and I’ll get around to it at some point but not right now.” You have no time to waste; none of us do. If you aren’t moving forward, you are sliding backwards because time doesn’t stand still.
Review the GSD program roadmap. Watch the free training video. Then book a complimentary call with me to get your questions answered. Or, look at the TTC roadmap if GSD isn’t for you at this time. Watch that free training video. And book a complimentary call to ask questions about TTC, if you have any. Do something to move forward; take some positive action today. The doors to the opportunities in our lifetime don’t stay open forever. I say this because I have waited in the past and doors have closed that I wish could open up again and they can’t. I live a life of service and want to be of service to you in some capacity.
You came to this lifetime with an empowering gift, perhaps many of them, and I would love it if each and every person on this planet were able to express his or her unique, empowering gifts freely, without the threat of being shamed or criticized. Let’s put an end to that stigma once and for all and live full out as Empowered Achievers.
Another Favorite Quote: Buckminster Fuller said, “There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.”
I love this quote. It’s the great mystery. Within each of us are the gifts, and they are revealed as we journey through our own transformation.
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If you’re loving the podcast, and you would like to speak with me about possibly working with me, you’ll find all the transformative opportunities listed in the show notes.
Personal transformation is available to each and every one of you who seeks it. We have made sure that there is an opportunity to fit a variety of needs. And, you have to reach out and let us know you want to chat about this for yourself, so it happens.
There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, so please reach out to us. I’d love to speak with you. There is a lot of misinformation out and about. Be mindful and intentional with your decisions. Time is your most precious asset, and your life won’t wait forever. I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Episode Resources:
- Get Sh*t Done Fundamentals + Essentials (GSD-FE) Program Information: (previously known as the ADDventures In Achievement [AIA-FS] program)
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/gsdprogram - Grant assistance page for help with funding for GSD-FE program:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/financial-assistance - Book your complimentary discovery call with Dr B to get your questions answered, and determine together if GSD-FE is right for you or not:
https://calendly.com/d/ywy-j5t-4jk - The Transformation Club (TTC) – if time or money commitments have been holding you back - the affordable membership program for Executive Function skills development:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram - Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function - Book your complimentary discovery call to get your questions answered and determine if TTC is right for you or not:
https://calendly.com/amygellerux/ttcdiscoverycall - Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
