Does Everyone Who Gets a Diagnosis Do Better in Life Because of It - 087
Aug 30, 2021I pursued an ADHD diagnosis with many professionals, only to be refused an assessment with two and granted an assessment with one who decided there was nothing significantly amiss with me – just a little anxiety.
Seriously?! The two that turned me away said it would be a waste of time (whose time?) to assess me and the one that did, asked questions and did testing that would never have confirmed a diagnosis because they weren’t properly trained to assess me as an adult woman. It was very discouraging.
Peri-menopause was the great equalizer. When my brain function went offline, all the skills and strategies I had successfully used prior to that hormonal shift stopped working for me. I had developed my EF skills well enough to get my education and successfully serve clients in my private practice, however, my skills weren’t developed in the methodical manner I developed them after “my cognitive fall.” What a gift that time in my life was for me, and what was to transpire as a result.
In this episode Dr B talks about:
- How getting a diagnosis doesn't solve the underlying problem
- What steps you can take right away
- The importance of celebrating your wins
- Strong community and Live Q & A in the Living Beyond ADHD FB Group
- Getting on the informational Waitlist for the ADDventures in Achievement Foundational Skills program
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Does Everyone Who Gets a Diagnosis Do Better in Life Because of It? Episode #087
I pursued an ADHD diagnosis with many professionals, only to be refused an assessment with two and granted an assessment with one who decided there was nothing significantly amiss with me – just a little anxiety.
Seriously?! The two that turned me away said it would be a waste of time (whose time?) to assess me and the one that did, asked questions and did testing that would never have confirmed a diagnosis because they weren’t properly trained to assess me as an adult woman. It was very discouraging.
Peri-menopause was the great equalizer. When my brain function went offline, all the skills and strategies I had successfully used prior to that hormonal shift stopped working for me. I had developed my EF skills well enough to get my education and successfully serve clients in my private practice, however, my skills weren’t developed in the methodical manner I developed them after “my cognitive fall.” What a gift that time in my life was for me, and what was to transpire as a result.
I ended up assessing and diagnosing myself, since the assessment of women is different than men, and sought help from a psychiatrist colleague of mine for medication that I felt would give me a secure foundation while I rebuilt my skills in the way they needed to be built.
Did I do better because of a diagnosis? No. My diagnosis gave me a clear target and medication gave me the support I needed, yet neither of them were enough to shift the quality of my life.
What would? The proper development of my EF skills and strategies. I devoured everything I could get access to about adult ADHD including training as an ADHD coach. I facilitated support groups for CHADD for 20+ years, served on their local Professional Advisory Board, and scheduled the then ADHD experts to speak at our meetings. I wasn’t hearing the deeper answer.
I also facilitated a meetup group for adults with ADHD for 5+ years. The deeper answer was unfolding – it was that every adult was talking about Executive Function skill challenges much more than their inattention, hyperactivity or impulsivity. That is, unless we were discussing cognitive hyperactivity and then most all were experiencing that as well.
That was the deeper answer – the solution to what most adults diagnosed with ADHD or suspecting ADHD would benefit from. And the even deeper awareness is that adult ADHD is the only diagnosis that includes these EF challenges in the diagnosis itself, however, it is NOT the only diagnosis that should include these challenges. Those with chronic depression, anxiety, addictions, trauma and even chronic illnesses also suffer from under-developed EF skills.
The deeper answer is that we are experiencing a world-wide crisis that is limiting the quality of life and the ultimate successful living of millions of adults. You may be one of those millions of adults and be suffering needlessly because a diagnosis alone doesn’t improve the quality of your life. And waiting years to get one, if that’s what you are doing, is actually making things worse, not better for you.
There is something you can do today, right now, to help yourself.
I live a life of service and years ago created something I thought of as a PSA (public service announcement). It’s a video and e-book telling people about this problem of misdiagnosis or incomplete diagnosis. The information might be a little outdated, however, it’s still accurate for the most part. If you are interested in doing something to help yourself right now, I suggest you get your free copy of this video and e-book. You’ll find the link in the show notes.
The years I saw mental health professionals and was being diagnosed with many other things than adult ADHD and under-developed Executive Function skills actually slowed down my growth and skill development, and brought with it many traumatic life events. And clearly, I didn’t need a diagnosis or medication to build my under-developed EF skills properly. If I had known this was the underlying issue sooner, I could have and certainly would have gotten right on it and started more methodically developing my EF skills. However, there are no accidents in life, and it took the onset of peri-menopause and hormonal changes to bring me to my knees; something that none of the MHP I had worked with had prepared me for.
I knew there were problems for years – probably like most of you. And, like most of you, I didn’t know the solution to those problems yet. There were no programs or educators to show me what to do, how to do it nor how important these EF skills are to the quality of my life. That’s the sad part, but not anymore. I put on my own oxygen mask first and solved these problems for myself. And then, it became my life’s work to help others do what I did for myself. If you’re seeking help - I’m here to help you.
So, that’s a bit about my journey and what I learned is and isn’t true. What about you? Have you been waiting for a diagnosis of adult ADHD? And when you finally got it, if you have, did the professional offer you anything beyond a diagnosis? Did they offer you the traditional journey of diagnosis, medication, and therapy? Or perhaps mentioned ADHD coaching, if they were slightly more knowledgeable? Most likely they didn’t recommend you seek EF skills training to more fully develop your EF skills so you could function and live successfully in your society. And if, like so many adults I speak to, you asked them for what more you could do, other than get your diagnosis and take medication, they often just shake their professional heads and say they don’t know. Truth is, they don’t know.
There is no requirement for mental health professionals to have any training specific to adult ADHD and EF skills development before or after licensure. That means that millions of mental health professionals worldwide don’t know how to help you; you have to discover the help yourself.
I think we all have a need to know something conclusive about ourselves and how we are functioning, otherwise we are left on our own to create a narrative to make sense of the challenges we experience and typically that narrative isn’t very loving. For lack of accurate information, we decide that we aren’t good enough or smart enough or able enough. We shamefully name-call with lazy, stupid, idiot, and more. We blame ourselves without compassion, understanding, mercy or grace. Who else could we blame? Everything is happening to us because of us and so it must be us. If you want to start to learn what’s wrong and how to begin to repair the damage so you can release yourself from a lifetime sentence of misery, stay tuned.
If you’re a regular listener, you probably know by now that I love to watch movies for lessons. I decided to re-watch “Peaceful Warrior” last night because there are so many important lessons in that movie with Nick Nolte in the role of Socrates. One lesson I extracted years ago from the book and the movie is to be mindful of who I am becoming on the way to where it is that I am going. In other words, I don’t want to set a goal, throw myself into that goal, and achieve that goal only to find out that I don’t like the person that I’ve become along the way to my goal. What’s worse, there’s lots of clean-up to do to un-do the mess I’ve created by not monitoring my development; who I was becoming along the way. It doesn’t take long to check in each night to determine if I am becoming more of the person I seek to become; expanding into a greater version of Dr B – the person I choose to BE. And, it wouldn’t take you more than a few minutes each night to do the same.
Another lesson from that movie taught me that there is never nothing going on; there’s always something happening in life if I am present to experience it. And that first, I have to take out the garbage, as Socrates said. Empty my mind of all the garbage that lives there rent-free, shaping and polluting my thoughts.
Other lessons I took from the movie are to BE me because I am enough; more than enough. To go for what calls me and show up 100% without distractions in my mind, which will allow me to bring my best to the moment. That’s not possible when I am distracted with internal thoughts or external seductions.
So, are you still waiting for a diagnosis or something “official” before you help yourself? The diagnosis itself isn’t enough to shift your quality of life. Are you willing to help yourself while you’re waiting for something official, if you are? If so, great. Or, are you so indoctrinated by societal guidelines given to you by experts who are often receiving compensation from the very solutions they are advocating? Whether we’re talking about adult ADHD, chronic depression, anxiety, trauma, addictions, chronic illnesses and more – there is a lot of money to be made by those who aren’t helping you solve the deeper, underlying issues. You have a right to know what those issues are and that you can empower yourself to begin to solve the challenges in your life rather than just live with them and make the best out of them. Seriously! Do you owe it to yourself to at least think through additional information that they aren’t giving you and be yourown advocate, your own independent thinker – and make up your own mind once you have all the facts?
When you were a little kid, did you wait for what you needed? Or did you reach for it, go for it, even if you got into trouble afterwards? When did you stop reaching for what you need for your own well-being? When did you stop listening to the little voice inside of you and pay more attention to the voices of society or the ADHD industry telling you what to do about your symptoms? And, have they ever once told you that you could “recover” from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body (not ADHD) and go on to live an amazing life? Probably never.
Your entire being is designed the way it is. That’s the amazing mystery of us humans. We are each uniquely us. It’s your journey, if you choose to take it, to discover who you are, what your gifts are, what you love and what speaks to you and pulls you forward.
Have you been putting your life on hold until you get word from a professional or permission to live your best life? And, will waiting for their permission or instructions automatically give you that best life? Will their recommendations give you the quality of life you deserve? I doubt it. I hear from adults daily writing and asking about working with me or responding to an email they received from me and sharing about their life with me. Our collective stories are heartbreaking! The needless suffering is rampant worldwide. Not being a world traveler, I never knew first-hand the suffering that we all collectively endure because we don’t know we can put a stop to it ourselves – until we do know.
So many of you write to me about your lack of confidence. Your lack of confidence, in part, comes from your lack of competence and that’s not a moral issue. If you aren’t competent yet in your basic EF skills, they are skills and you can develop them and become competent, no matter what your age. And with competence comes confidence. Are you ready to put an end to your self-doubt and second-guessing? I hope so because it’s using up hours of your life!
We are definitely as limited as we make up our minds to be. We have so many limiting beliefs that are stored in our minds as facts when they aren’t facts; they are limiting beliefs. If something isn’t 100% true, then it’s a belief, not a fact, and most likely a limiting belief. We need to identify them, challenge them, disprove them, and shift them to beliefs that are empowering for us.
Remember – whether you believe you can or believe you can’t – you’re right.
If you aren’t yet a member of my Facebook group, Living Beyond ADHD, I highly recommend you get over there and follow these simple steps when you ask to join, so you can be approved more quickly. 1-Ask to join and answer the few questions that are asked of you, including the question about the group rules. 2- We won’t chase you for answers if you don’t respond to the questions asked; you will be declined after 2-3 days of not answering the questions. 3-You can ask to join again and answer the questions so you can be approved. 4-We have rules so that the group remains a safe space, free of judgment, and a place where you can show up and interact with like-minded adults – laugh a little, learn a little and most of all be connected to a positive energy community. 5-Approvals are done 1-2x/week, so please be patient.
Do you have questions about adult ADHD or Executive Function skills that you’d like answered? Great! I go live in the group every Friday, and answer members’ questions in our live Q & A sessions. There is a weekly post for your questions to be answered live, so look for it and post your questions. It’s definitely worth joining us to get your questions answered, unless you have all the answers you need.
Since everyone joining the group wants to develop their Executive Function skills or get accurate information about Executive Function skills and ADHD, I have lots of free resources available on my website at: drbarbaracohen.com as well as provide great posts and the weekly live Q & A in the group to support your needs.
And, if you’re interested in learning more about the development of your Executive Function skills, you can join the ADDventures In Achievement Waitlist for January 2022. Getting on the Waitlist doesn’t obligate you to join the program. It simply provides you with information about Executive Function skills, and how the program facilitates you developing yours, so that you no longer have limitations on what you can or can’t do. It’s an experiential, 7-month program to help you transform your life from the inside out.
For those of you who have been long time listeners, you know I am big on WINS. Daily focus on WINS trains your mind for consistency – every day to notice what’s right with you, right with what you’re doing and what’s right in the world – in other words…WINS. Focusing on daily WINS is more important an ever given the daily bombardment of negatives targeting us every day. Be proactive. Celebrate your WINS – big and small – every day. You are the meaning maker of your life – so give the unfolding of your life an empowering meaning. You’ll be grateful you did.
You are a precious child of God and the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. You don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. Your value comes from “who” you are; not what you do. And if you need a place to know this is true, be sure to join the Facebook group, so you can be with others who will celebrate yours WINS with you and affirm that you are more than okay as you, the “human being.”
So, what’s it going to be for you today? Did you take the initiative and both plan and follow through on something important to you? That’s awesome! Did you someone you appreciated them? Beautiful. I bet they appreciated it! Did you spend some quality time with your dog or cat or child this week? Good for you! You get the point; celebrate all of them. And none of this “half-hearted celebrating.” Exaggerate your emotions. YES!!! WOW!!! AWESOME!!! Be sure to celebrate your WINS – big and small – because celebrating daily builds consistency and makes a faster difference in your life.
How much time do we have? Not much. So, let’s get to it.
So, back to whether or not everyone does better in life by getting a diagnosis or not. Let’s look at the adults who do have a diagnosis of ADHD – how many of them are doing better because of their diagnosis? Well, if our Facebook group is any indication, out of the 2,100+ people in that group, the majority of them are still suffering, even with a diagnosis. They know the “what” – ADHD – and they don’t know the “what to do” or “how to do it.” Many have lost hope because the mental health field isn’t instilling hope in adults; rather, just explaining what many already knew and that’s it. Motivation comes from having a good enough reason to do something; to move towards something. If mental health professionals aren’t offering real hope and substantiating it with evidence beyond fluff and cheerleading gestures – then what is the point in hoping for a better life and believing it’s possible for us? The disappointment is devastating when it doesn’t happen. Real hope is alive and well. Let’s look at some specific steps you can take to improve the quality of your life right now.
Are you time challenged? If so, you can learn to manage yourself and your time much better than you are doing now. It’s a skill; an EF pre-skill. And, just like tying your shoes, it’s a skill you can learn. Everyone has the same amount of time per day and saying that you don’t have enough time isn’t correct. It’s not a shortage of time that’s hurting you; it’s how you have learned to manage yourself with time and developing a healthy relationship with time so it becomes your friend, not your enemy. How do you do that? Easy. You look for the link in the show notes for the Time Management Secrets MasterClass and see if the solution resonates with you. It’s not enough to learn something from a book or MasterClass; you have to experience it and embody it for its true value to emerge. Knowledge isn’t enough; it’s knowing how to utilize that knowledge that will set you free. If working together for the next 30 days appeals to you, I’ll see you on the inside.
Are you a procrastinator extraordinaire? If so, you can banish it from your life and gain back the hours of wasted time it’s stealing from you. Again, it’s a skill; an EF pre-skill. And, just like brushing your teeth, it’s a skill you can learn. Procrastination is a symptom; not the underlying problem. Let’s discover your underlying challenges and resolve them so you can reclaim hours of your day for what’s meaningful to you. How do you do that? You look for the link in the show notes for the Banishing Procrastination MasterClass and see if the solution resonates with you. There are subtle saboteurs that are derailing you left and right and I trust you want to know what they are and how to stop them. If you do, let’s work together for the next 30 days and put procrastination behind you.
Do you doubt your decisions or continually second-guess yourself long after you make a decision? Would you be surprised to hear that good decision-making isn’t that difficult when you have a methodology to follow? If you don’t look forward to making decisions because you know it’s going to take you hours and you still won’t be convinced that you’ve made a good decision, please hear me. You can turn your decision-making into something you look forward to doing and have the certainty that your decisions are well-founded. And, what will you do with all the extra time you save? Instead of fretting about your decisions, you’ll just make them and move on. Sound appealing? If so, check it out and make a decision you’ll be glad you did.
There you have it. Three steps to freedom from overwhelm, hopelessness and doubt.
Who will you be without the under-developed EF pre-skills that are limiting your success? If you’ve lived this way for most of your life, you might feel a loyalty to it and feel strange about the idea of releasing it or even transforming it into an empowering way of life. If you’re even a bit curious, at least check it out.
The widespread needless suffering of millions of adults around the world has to stop, and I am doing what I can to stop it with this generation; with us. We call ADHD a “disorder” which, if thought about in a different way, that until we create “order” from “dis-order” which we can definitely do, we will continue to have the disorder of ADHD. The choice is yours.
We all need to address so many of the limiting beliefs that we have been indoctrinated with, as well as further develop our under-developed Executive Function skills if we want to live the life that is possible for us. We have to BE the person who lives the life we say we want; not struggle to live the life we say we want so we can become the person someday who has that life. That’s backwards thinking. So is waiting for a diagnosis before you start to help yourself to a better quality of life.
Your life is full of clues about what’s missing or needs your attention. Slow down and become a student of your own life. Study yourself – who you are today and who you need to BE to DO what you want to do. Understand what you need to succeed with the multi-faceted brain you have. Take action on what you learn about yourself. This is the lifework that lies ahead for you if this is your time.
We each came to this lifetime with an amazing gift. I would love it if each and every person on this planet were able to express his or her unique gifts freely, without the threat of being shamed or criticized. What a world that would be. Let’s put an end to the stigma once and for all, and become who we are destined to BE so we can DO what we are destined to do, for ourselves and future generations.
A Favorite Quote: Nick Webb said, “We inhabit a world in which we tend to put labels on each other and expect that we will then march through life wearing them like permanent sandwich boards.”
I know that I live in a world that uses labels freely. However, labels easily become identity statements about WHO we are instead of WHAT is challenging to us. Therefore, I prefer to keep the WHAT as the challenge and the WHO as the sacred, precious child I am and you are. I choose to BE me; not a label. How about you? What do you choose?
Whether you’re learning from my podcast episodes or Facebook live videos or working with me directly, you are in my world and I’m here to serve your needs. Be sure to reach out and get your needs met. It’s up to you to take action so things can change for the better for you. And they can only change for the better for you if you change.
Make it a priority to join the Facebook group, and answer the questions asked of you, so you can have a non-judgment community to lean into. Put yourself on the Waitlist for the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, so that you receive all the amazing emails we’ve written to both educate you about Executive Function skills as well as the details of the program; there is absolutely no obligation by being on the Waitlist. You’ll thank yourself for getting informed.
There’s no AIA-FS program to enroll in until January 2022, so you have plenty of time to learn about your Executive Function skills and their development, as well as how that happens in the program. And, if you’re on the Waitlist, you’ll hear about transformations that are happening for students in such a short period of time such as this excerpt: “In this community, there are so many shared experiences that I do not feel alone in my struggles and also in my wins! Thank you, Dr B. I am looking forward to an amazing future that I have barely, bravely even begun dreaming about yet, and yet, I know that I am becoming a brand-new version of me that is so exciting and that I am extremely proud of and Love.”
If you enjoyed today’s episode or any of the other episodes, please share this podcast show with others. I would also be grateful if you’d rate the show and write a positive or inspiring review on iTunes so I know I’m meeting your needs. It means a lot to me to know your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together. Be sure to check out the show notes for the many opportunities available to you as well as ways we can work together and stop your needless suffering. You will find real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, whether in my free resources, the 3 amazing MasterClasses, or the AIA Foundational Skills Program. I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Resources referred to in this episode:
• Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingbeyondadhd
• AIA Executive Function Foundational Skills Program & Informational Waitlist: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIAWaitlist
• Free Video and e-Book – Many Mental Health Providers & ADHD: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/elephant-in-the-room
• Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
Episode Resources:
- Put yourself on the informational list for the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, so that you receive all the amazing emails we’ve written to both educate you about Executive Function skills as well as the details of the program; there is absolutely no obligation by being on the information list. You’ll thank yourself for getting informed: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIAWaitlist
- 13 EF Skills: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
- Join the amazing Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group & hangout with your peeps
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
Favorite Quote:
A favorite quote of mine is from Nick Webb, who said, “We inhabit a world in which we tend to put labels on each other and expect that we will then march through life wearing them like permanent sandwich boards.”
I know that I live in a world that uses labels freely. However, labels easily become identity statements about WHO we are instead of WHAT is challenging to us. Therefore, I prefer to keep the WHAT as the challenge and the WHO as the sacred, precious child I am and you are. I choose to BE me; not a label. How about you? What do you choose?
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Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
