Foresight or Forward Thinking - an EF Skill to Help you Make Better Choices - 061
Apr 03, 2019Hey ADDers! Foresight is the secret ingredient to success, because without foresight you cannot prepare for the future. With our fast-paced lives, it is becoming harder and harder to establish foresight because our world is changing faster than ever before. Are you someone who has no idea of what sort of world you should prepare for? And if that is you, have you given up and decided that you can’t know or do anything about your future? That you will just have to deal with the cards that get dealt to you over time? That’s you being “reactive” rather than “responsive” to the circumstances of your life.
If I'm describing your life, then this episode is for you!!
In this episode, I talk about:
- What is personal foresight and how you can start to develop it
- What is relationship foresight and how you can start to develop it
- What is business foresight and how you can start to develop it
- Get Unstuck! Discover 9 Powerful Skills that will Change Your Life! Free Webinar this Sunday, April 7, 2019. Event is over.
- The Importance Of Celebrating Your WINS
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Today is Episode 61 with Dr B
Hey ADDers! Foresight is the secret ingredient to success, because without foresight you cannot prepare for the future. With our fast-paced lives, it is becoming harder and harder to establish foresight because our world is changing faster than ever before. Are you someone who has no idea of what sort of world you should prepare for? And if that is you, have you given up and decided that you can’t know or do anything about your future? That you will just have to deal with the cards that get dealt to you over time? That’s you being “reactive” rather than “responsive” to the circumstances of your life.
Foresight gives us power to shape our futures, no matter what is going on in the world around us. If you have developed foresight, you can think ahead and be prepared to take advantage of all the new opportunities that will present themselves. And, if you have developed foresight, you might also be able to avert many of the negative experiences that could hurt you. This is my idea of striving to “live ready.”
Having foresight and living ready applies to both your personal and professional lives. And, having well-developed emotional control (another executive function skill) and stimulus filters is important to regulate your emotions and control the amount of incoming stimulus so you stay out of overwhelm, and don’t get flooded with too much information. It’s very difficult to make good decisions when you don’t know what to consider as part of your decision-making process because you are trying to process everything!
You also need to know what things mean in order to apply foresight skills in life. What does it mean when you are experiencing certain symptoms physically or emotionally or in your workplace or in your marriage? When should you go into action and when should you wait a little bit and watch the unfolding of the symptoms to give you enough information to make a well-thought out decision and act?
Lack of foresight impacts students, workers, business owners, couples, and individuals. Studies are neglected when no connection is seen between education and a successful future. Commitments or promises are neglected when no connection is seen between a rocky relationship and keeping one’s word.
When you have good foresight skills, you can recognize the importance of studying and select courses most likely to help you meet your goals.
If your foresight is weak, you may have difficulty saving money for emergencies, retirement or even a down payment on a home.
Let’s give this some further thought… If you don’t have foresight, then why would you make a plan or schedule or sequence of events, because there’s nothing tangible in the future for you to consider if you are missing this critical executive function skill. Many adults I’ve worked with over the years have said, “I can’t plan or schedule or sequence tasks very well” – and that may be true. However, is the reason it’s true because of weak foresight skills?
It makes sense to me to review orientation in time for a moment, since “through time” and “in time” is relevant to foresight. I’ve talked about this before but it’s been a while so here we go.
“In time” is when you’re “in the zone”; perhaps time even disappears and there is nothing more than now; this moment. Think of a timeline that runs front-to-back through you. The future is out there somewhere and the past is behind you, so all that exists is “now.” You can’t gauge how far in front of you the future is and you can’t benefit from the past because it’s behind you and out of sight.
With “through time” you can gain perspective and look to the future, the past, the present moment, consider what you want to have happen and what you need to do to achieve that outcome. Think of a timeline that runs from side-to-side through you. You can also consider consequences when you’re oriented “through time.”
So, to have the skill of foresight, you need the flexibility of shifting (another executive function skill) back and forth between “in time” and “through time.”
You also need the ability to “imagine” – to think about something that hasn’t happened yet. Many of us are very good at imagining the worst, even though it hasn’t happened yet and may not. However, we have difficulty imagining the best, even though it hasn’t happened yet either, and may very well be the outcome.
So, now it’s not just the mechanics of foresight and forward thinking, it’s navigating your emotional control (another executive function skill) to allow yourself to be okay with a great outcome; in fact, to allow yourself to be unattached to the outcome all together. The more you are attached to things going a certain way, the harder it is to get there; you have so many less options for navigation.
Even though most of the executive function assessments typically look at the behavioral stuff, your emotions and thoughts also factor into how you are doing with your executive function skills in general, and foresight specifically.
To me, as well as my ADDventures in Achievement students, foresight is essential and worth developing, as many already have. So, if you relate to anything I’ve mentioned so far, then this episode is for you!
Going deeper, I see the importance of addressing this skill because:
· Planning and scheduling is a huge part of adult life
· Making transitions and shifting between things is also a huge part of adult life
· Without foresight, planning, scheduling, making transitions and shifting just don’t have much reason to be happening
So, where are you going to be able to go to develop your foresight and everything that is connected to it? If you have someone you can do that work with, that’s great. If you don’t, I hope you’ll consider allowing me to be that person for you. I am hosting a free live webinar, Sunday, April 7, 2019, and would love to have you join me. The topic is Moving from Stuck to Unstoppable: Discover 9 Powerful Skills that will Change Your Life. You can learn more and register at drbarbaracohen.com.
If you feel like your life is passing and you aren’t achieving all that you want, then responding quickly is important. How much time do any of us have? Not all that much. Time doesn’t stand still for any of us; whether we are ready to move forward or not. I learned long ago that I wanted to “live ready” for the unfolding of my life. I didn’t want to have to pass on any more opportunities because I wasn’t ready and couldn’t say “yes” when I wanted to.
If my podcast show is the first time you’ve been hearing about executive function skills and strategies, you are not alone. If you’re an adult who received a diagnosis of adult ADHD, executive function skills should also have been assessed and discussed with you, in my humble opinion. The odds of having executive function deficits along with ADHD are very high; in fact, almost a given that you will. And what is one critically important way that you would have learned some of these skills and strategies as a kid? Play. Not organized play, but the type of exploratory play that Dr. Stuart Brown, MD talks about in his book “Play: How it shapes the brain, opens the imagination and invigorates the soul.” When is the last time you had a play date by yourself or with a friend? Play is critically important to adult development, just as it is for kids.
I used to put on puppet shows from my bedroom window when I was a kid. It gave me the opportunity to make up people and stories and how things would unfold for each of them. As I grew older, I realized that this type of play gave me the freedom to explore, take risks, experiment and be creative…all in a judgment free zone. I know I learned a lot of things unconsciously because I felt I was stretching myself beyond what I normally did. The point is to make time for real play and then just play and don’t worry if you are doing it right or what you are learning – just play!!
Important takeaway: Focus on the process of play rather than the outcome of playing.
Today’s episode is about the executive function skill of Foresight and the strategies I see as relevant for you as an adult living with ADHD or Executive Function Deficits, as well as offering you hope; real hope. How much time do we have? Not much. So let’s get to it.
Today’s 3 key points and stories:
1. What is personal foresight and how you can start to develop it
2. What is relationship foresight and how you can start to develop it
3. What is business foresight and how you can start to develop it
Now back to being an adult with ADHD or executive function challenges in today’s world. There might be many reasons why you haven’t heard about executive function skills and strategies until listening to my podcast show and you can’t change that fact. However, now that you know about them, you can get moving on what you’re going to do about your weak areas as well as make the most of your strengths. I have stories to share with you, including actions steps, and a favorite quote of mine.
But first, I want to talk about celebrating your WINS, big and small, since WINS are such an important part of my philosophy. Remember, what we pay attention to grows, so paying attention to what’s right instead of what’s wrong helps to generate more of what’s right. Seems simple enough. And when you acknowledge and celebrate your WINS with a full heart of appreciation and authenticity, you are giving yourself a priceless gift. That is, unless you find it painful to acknowledge and celebrate your WINS. If that’s the case, I highly recommend that you address whatever it is that makes it necessary for you to block yourself, so you can be free to appreciate all the wonders that are you. No one else may be celebrating your wins and that’s okay for now, because living in awe of yourself and what you learn and love about you is critically important to your well being.
And please…don't short-change yourself by thinking that it’s pointless or stupid to reward yourself for all the little things that you’re “supposed to do.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. Are you really going to make yourself wait until something HUGE happens to celebrate? Does something HUGE happen everyday? Probably not! It doesn’t for me. But the kind of WINS I talk about can and often do which is exciting. And from what I see, celebrating WINS is an absolute necessity to getting out of the emotional ditch of whatever ails you and into a better attitude and way of living.
So, what’s it going to be for you today? What are you going to celebrate? Maybe you got rid of lots of papers through a shredder; that’s certainly a WIN. Perhaps you’ve been working on stepping into a new definition of yourself; that’s a wonderful WIN. Maybe someone offered to help you for no reason other than wanting to spend some time together; that’s a WIN. You get the point; celebrate all of them; big and small. And none of this “half-hearted celebrating”; you’ve got to mean it. Exaggerate your emotions. YES!!!! WOW!! AWESOME!! You want your acknowledgement and celebration to register in your neurology with the power to move you and shift your state. Many of us need a higher level of stimulation or intensity for things to register. So, if that’s you, give that to yourself and exaggerate your celebration so you can actually feel it.
And listen…you’re not broken or defective or less than! You’re YOU! You are a precious “human being” whose value is a given; because I am not talking about you as the “human doing” that most of society views you as. And you may be missing some skills that have been making your life very difficult up to now, and yet skills can be learned. Please know that I am not making light of your struggles or unhappiness; not at all. I want you to know that there are answers to your struggles. If you are willing to be a student of your own life and develop a deeper understanding of yourself and how you are put together, and offer yourself a lot of compassion and patience, plus the time, effort and energy it’s going to take to make the necessary changes, these things can happen for you. I know this is true because I wasn’t born with these skills fully developed and neither were my students.
Please don’t let yourself be one of the 80% of people who don’t ever make it to more permanent change or even the 80% who want to change but never actually end up making the changes they want for many different reasons. There is training and support available to you to ensure, to the best of my ability, that you don’t become one of the 80% who don’t make it. Rather, that you are one of the 20% who do. I recommend that you go to my website, drbarbaracohen.com and get yourself registered for the upcoming webinar, so you can start making changes right away.
Let’s transition to some stories and action steps now. Our first story is about Manny and what personal foresight is, and some action steps about how you can develop it.
· Manny was in his early-50s and recently diagnosed with adult ADHD. He had been fighting the chaos of his life forever and things just seemed to happen rather than him having anything to do with them. His friends often heard him say that he hadn’t “planned” for things to turn out the way they did and yet they turned out poorly because there was no actual plan.
· It was as if his life had a plan of its own and that Manny had nothing to say about how his life was unfolding.
· He was watching a favorite TV show and the word “foresight” was mentioned in the story. They said that if the character had any foresight at all, he would have seen these things coming long before they hit. This was the first time Manny heard the word “foresight”
· He was feeling desperate and did some research on the topic of “foresight.” He learned that “awareness” is the first step to everything else we do.
· He understood that he was going to have to “wake up;” to stop living his life on autopilot.
· He was going to need to stop saying “I don’t know” when people asked him questions. He was going to need to become fully present to use what information he had access to; to develop his “foresight.”
· Manny got very sad when he realized that his most important gift was time and that so much of that gift had slipped away with the passing of years.
Background Facts about personal insight:
· There is the conscious and non-conscious part of the mind. The statistics I learned in school indicated that 90% of our mind is non-conscious; filled with habits and entrenched patterns that are acted out on autopilot. The remaining 10% of our mind is conscious and is where logic, reason, will power, and thinking take place. In this 9 to 1 ratio, unconscious mind is more powerful than conscious mind.
· Information that makes its way into our mind passes through many filters that delete, distort and generalize information. This means that you delete information that doesn’t fit with your habituated thoughts. You distort or twist information to make it fit into your worldview. You process information in an all or nothing, black and white fashion.
· Information also passes through the filters of your attitudes, values and beliefs, memories and more. You aren’t having a direct experience in the moment; rather a filtered moment.
If you relate to Manny’s story, your action steps are:
· Focus on becoming more awake or aware in the moment, rather than letting your mind take you wherever it wants to go. Be the driver of your attention, not the passenger.
· Follow Through and practice training yourself to notice the fine-details of any given situation. Opportunities for training are:
o Notice how people are walking; how their weight is distributed on their feet as they move. What can you predict about possible pain they feel?
o Notice your posture when you sit in a chair; are you sitting upright and well supported? If yes, great. If not, then what might you predict about how their body will develop over time?
o Challenge yourself to “wake up” and see yourself as who and how you really are, not who and how your unconscious mind says you are. Release the fantasy and embrace the reality.
· Self-Management will be based on what you are training yourself to become aware of and how you are feeling about your emerging awareness.
Let’s transition now to our second story about Fran and what relationship foresight is, and some action steps about how you can develop it
· Fran was in her mid-40s. She wasn’t diagnosed until her late-30s and married in her early 40s.
· She had no idea when she married what the absence of relationship foresight would mean to the success of her marriage and her own personal happiness.
· Not only was Fran not a forward thinker, she had challenges with following a train of though in her mind or even mapped out on a piece of paper.
· Having children was important to Fran and her husband, and since they married later in life, they didn’t spend a lot of time looking ahead to what that really meant for their relationship at their phase of life.
· Fran got pregnant shortly after they married and gave birth to twins. She was overwhelmed and frustrated that life, as she knew it, was over for some time now.
· Not only did her lack of relationship foresight fail her during her pregnancy, it also failed her as a mother, when she couldn’t anticipate outcomes with the twins. Others could see “the warning signs” long before problems erupted; yet Fran saw nothing.
Background Facts about relationship foresight:
· When people come together in a relationship, there are many assumptions – the biggest one being that all the adult skills that are needed to be responsible and make good decisions are fully developed; not the case many times
· A significant executive function skill related to foresight is self-control. Poor impulse control doesn’t allow you the time you need to consider all the facts in order to efficiently decide on choices, consequences and outcomes
· In order to course correct a relationship, you have to know where you want to go; both of you. And it’s equally important to have the executive function skill of task monitoring strong so that you can know when you are getting off course and what to do to course correct and reach your goal.
If you relate to Fran’s story, your action steps are:
· Focus on determining which of the executive function skills, beyond foresight, would most benefit you and those closest to you
· Follow Through on building and mastering those specific skills and supporting strategies.
· Self-Management of how your feelings might have anchored associations of anger, frustration, and overwhelm that are easily triggered. Consider how you will best remove those triggers and free yourself from autopilot.
And let’s transition to our third story about Lenny and what business foresight is, and action steps about how you can develop it.
· Lenny was in his mid-30s, and had started a business a year ago, after deciding that he was ready to be on his own, instead of working for others.
· He felt he had a vision of what he wanted his business to be and do and how he would get there, but he didn’t actually have a “plan” for achieving his vision; just a “felt sense” of what needed to happen – vague at best.
· And his motivation for starting his business was more about getting away from working for others, rather than about being a business owner and all that entails.
· He had no forward thinking, or foresight, about what he would need to do to grow his business into what he envisioned. He didn’t know the steps or even the trajectory of growth; just that he was tired of working for others and wanted his own business.
· His friends started asking him questions about his business, his growth plans and how everything was coming together. Lenny was embarrassed by those questions and usually dodged them as best he could. He would just say that everything was fine and move on.
· A year later everything wasn’t fine; nowhere near fine. He was deeply in debt, working long hours, exhausted all the time and confused about his results.
· While he was driving to a business meeting, he happened to listen to a business podcast episode on “foresight” and it’s importance in building and running a successful business. He was so overwhelmed with feelings that he had to pull his car over and just sit for a half hour. He was asking himself how he could have been so naïve to just go into business without being able to see ahead into the future of his business to what it would need and what it would take for the business to become what Lenny envisioned.
· He then remembered a phrase from another podcast show that warned about paying attention to who you are becoming on the way to where it is that you are going. Clearly Lenny did not like who he had become on the way to his business success. In fact, most of his friends didn’t like who he had become either.
Background Facts about business foresight:
· In business you need to prioritize and sequence for growth.
· With foresight, you must learn to
o Identify the relevant Past and Present.
o Anticipate or forecast or predict the relevant probable future.
o Innovate or imagine or experiment or play with possible futures.
o Strategize or analyze and plan for the preferred or desired outcome.
· Your emotions are tied to your thinking. As you build your foresight muscles, you want your thoughts to be focused on the future and possibilities and options for you, so you can more effectively regulate your emotions.
If you relate to Lenny’s story, your action steps are:
· Focus on coming up with a list of different futures; perhaps as many as 50
· Follow Through on mapping out what each of these futures would look like and what you like or dislike about each of them
· Self-Management of how you feel about taking the time necessary to build this foresight muscle; it takes time, effort and energy and requires that you slow down because you need to be able to “focus” on the facts, rather than mindlessly processing them
Remember that no matter which stories you identify with, you need to cultivate a “practicing mindset” and come to look forward to practicing something every day that is moving you toward your destination. Since we are talking about foresight today, give yourself the gift of time to develop this skill. Yes, it’s going to take some work on your part, and the work doesn’t have to be hard or boring; it can be fun and playful. In fact, play is the way to go when it comes to learning new skills and strategies.
It’s not enough to know the steps you need to take in the process; you can get that from a book or other informational product. You need the support, understanding, and sense of community to help carry the load we all sometimes feel. You might even need someone to walk beside you, step by step, to help guide your actions and follow through so you stay the course and achieve your outcome.
And again, if you don’t have a place you go for support and knowledge about how to transform your life into what you’ve always wanted, I recommend you register for the upcoming free webinar that I am hosting by putting your information in the form on either my drbarbaracohen.com or ADDventuresinAchievement.com website, so you can get started with your new training.
Learning skills and strategies may sound like a lot of work, and maybe it is but it doesn’t have to be unpleasant work. In fact, it can be fun and playful if you approach it that way and give it those types of meanings. I’ve been playing with these skills and strategies for years now because I had to learn them, just like you do. I knew that I would be more inclined to stick with learning them if I could make this a fun experience for myself; which I did. And I’ve continued to be a student of my own life as I hope you will be of yours, and stick with it until you’ve achieved mastery, and the happier and more productive life you want.
If you want to be part of an online community of listeners to my show, be sure to reach out and friend me on Facebook, so I can invite you into The Living Beyond ADHD Community. We’re going to be getting more active and engaged there and I look forward to getting to know you and helping you in whatever ways I can.
And if you want more than just the Facebook group, get yourself registered for the free webinar. Don’t miss out on this great opportunity to get your needs met.
A Favorite Quote:
William A. Foster said, “Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives.” So, the question I have for you at this point of our journey together is, “Are you ready to make the necessary time to cultivate your foresight, so you can make wise choices from so many alternatives? I hope so because this is your life we are talking about!!!
That’s about it for today’s episode about foresight, and a little about how you can start to develop this skill in various areas of your life. Thanks for letting me know how much my show helps you and means to you. It means a lot to me to know that your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together. Listening to every podcast episode is a small action step, and something that can help you move your life forward, one episode at a time, if you take action on the steps I include for you. If you just listen and hear the value but don’t take action, you won’t gain the value that’s there for you. Remember, for things to change for the better for you, YOU have to change – which means you need to do your best every day to do something that will lead you in the direction of your destination.
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It helps me in my mission to make sure that all adults with focus, follow through, self-management or executive function challenges have the information and skills to help them live a happier, more productive, and wildly successful life. That’s the driving force behind this show and expanded content of the ADDventures in Achievement program.
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I’ve always felt that the world might be a much better place if we viewed each other as community or extended family and see the needs of each other and reach out because we can; so long as it isn’t done at the expense of your relationship with yourself and meeting your own needs. We are not alone in this life of ours! We are all inter-connected in such unique and mysterious ways, and we can see that even more so by developing our executive function skills and strategies.
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Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
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