I Know How Hard It Is and I Can Help You - 115
Feb 09, 2023This episode is a little different than most. It’s kind of a public service announcement - a message in the public interest that is meant to raise awareness about an important issue and change behavior. This episode is dedicated to you, my listeners.
The topic was inspired by a few emails I received this week, and they brought back the strong feelings I have about what I have been called to do and why I continue to pour my heart and soul into this calling. Every day someone emails me with information about their challenges, how hard their life is, and the help they are looking for.
This worldwide pain and suffering must stop! I know I talk about executive function skills a lot and point to them as the solution – and that is because they are. The multitude of symptoms that you all are experiencing are coming from your underdeveloped EF skills and pre-skills plus your limiting beliefs and your outdated identities, and typically a mixture of all of this. I say this with absolute conviction of this truth...
Full Episode Transcript
I Know How Hard It Is and I Can Help You - 115
Hi Aspiring Achievers,
This episode is a little different than most. It’s kind of a public service announcement - a message in the public interest that is meant to raise awareness about an important issue and change behavior. This episode is dedicated to you, my listeners.
The topic was inspired by a few emails I received this week, and they brought back the strong feelings I have about what I have been called to do and why I continue to pour my heart and soul into this calling. Every day someone emails me with information about their challenges, how hard their life is, and the help they are looking for.
This worldwide pain and suffering must stop! I know I talk about executive function skills a lot and point to them as the solution – and that is because they are. The multitude of symptoms that you all are experiencing are coming from your underdeveloped EF skills and pre-skills plus your limiting beliefs and your outdated identities, and typically a mixture of all of this. I say this with absolute conviction of this truth.
The biggies that I hear from students and potential students are problems with low self-esteem, self-doubt, overwhelm, analysis paralyses, codependency, limiting beliefs, feeling broken or defective as a person, and unable to plan, organize, coordinate, be accountable, keep your word to yourself and others, follow through, focus, self-regulate your thoughts and feelings, massive shame, guilt and a general feeling of being a real mess. With all of these symptoms bombarding you on a daily basis, it’s no wonder you feel as you do.
I know those feelings because that was me many years ago, and I’m proud to say that I am now the person I was intended to be and even more than I knew was possible for me. I never knew that I would have a podcast that reaches people all over the world. Or create an online training and coaching program that serves adults all over the world; guiding them in the development of their executive function skills and more.
Here’s an example of an email that was sent out to subscribers on my email list:
Are you a professional who’s barely keeping it together? Everyone counts on you to solve problems for them AND you do it quite well for others! Maybe they even rave about how skillful and brilliant you are as a doctor, professor, CEO or whatever happens to be your career calling.
You might think to yourself, if they only knew what I am really like, they’d change their mind really fast…And I might lose it all.
Are you shutting your office door, pulling down the blinds, avoiding phone calls, and endless emails? Are you sinking under the weight of all the demands upon you–not knowing how to manage the time with all your clients, patients, students, or work responsibilities?
Perhaps you feel like your life is just a mess–that you’re a mess or worse, a fraud. You can’t even keep up with the basics like: billing your clients, staying current with patient notes, making it to meetings on time and following up on your assigned tasks after the meeting. Others have even offered their assistance to help keep you afloat, but delegating tasks to them feels overwhelming and stressful. And calling upon them also heightens your feelings of inadequacy, weakness, and shame.
So many things feel out of our control when we have ADHD, and underdeveloped Executive Function skills. It’s difficult. I know. I’m a professional with ADHD too.
If you’re like I was, you’ve been striving for a long time, seeking answers and strategies to help you manage your life. It’s time-consuming, exhausting and financially draining– leaving you with little to show for it all.
And there’s so many options to choose from: therapy, coaching, an endless array of self-help materials, and medication, to name a few. Some have helped. Many have not. I get it. I do. I’ve been there.
I know you’ve tried to work smarter AND to work harder…And it’s just not working for you.
I know you’re not a quitter. That’s why you’re here. Searching for something that will work. Please hear me when I say that you are NOT destined to a life of overwhelm and chaos. Life can be better for YOU, because: You are not broken.
Your skills are underdeveloped, that’s all. And skills can be developed!
I’d love to hear from you! Hit reply and tell me, what are you struggling with the most in your life right now, and how can I be helpful to you?
And for purposes of this episode, I’d love to hear from you as well. You can still share your challenges with me by getting on my Information List. That way, I will know how I can help you and let you know as well.
Here’s one response I received to that email I sent out.
“This topic in your email fully describes my professional life thirty years ago. My entire life I have lacked executive function skills.
I managed a career as an engineer but eventually "crashed and burned". The physical and emotional stress has left such damage that recovery doesn't seem possible. I am now 70 years old. Three years ago, I accepted retirement as my only option for relief. Retirement investments have all but been depleted leaving only enough for my family to eventually process my remains. I barely get by on social security.
Had your program been available to me 20 or 30 years ago, I may have survived. Let my testimony help others.”
This is not the only email I have received like this…
I want you to know: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
We have a broken system that is failing you.
There is a missing piece in how our society “treats” people with ADHD symptoms, depression and anxiety (which often co-exist): 99.99% of professionals simply treat the symptoms, and do NO assessment or treatment of underdeveloped Executive Function skills. The reasons are obvious to me – there is absolutely no academic requirement to know anything about you in university programs nor for gaining licensure. And thereafter, there is no requirement for any continuing education units to know anything about you after licensure is obtained.
So, you seek the help of professionals who often times can’t see you and don’t know what to do to help you. I’ve learned that it’s up to each of us to advocate for ourselves by asking about the training, experience and expertise of those we seek help from. Your depression and/or anxiety can in part be due to your underdeveloped EF skills. Why? Because chronic depression and/or anxiety derails the development of your EF skills - leaving you vulnerable. And developing your EF skills is what will make it possible for you to function better, and allow you to feel in control of your day-to-day life.
Now, I am not anti-medication or anti-therapy. They have their place in a treatment toolbox - but using them on their own, without also giving people the strategies and tools to more fully develop their EF skills, will NEVER result in that life of calm, control and contentment you are looking for.
When I worked as a researcher in two international studies many years ago, I learned that so long as the protocol was carried out fully by all involved, the results were excellent. I saw many of the people who qualified for my section of the major depression study go from a full major depressive diagnosis to not meeting the criteria for that diagnosis in about 2 months. That study only addressed a very limited aspect of the participants’ lives, but what it addressed changed lives.
Helping people to change their lives excites me. So, for my AIA-FS program, I created a comprehensive curriculum, with a lot of scaffolding support, that takes place over a 7-month period of time, so we have ample time to discover, release, develop and transform years of dysfunction and underdevelopment in a relatively short period of time, given all that we do together. I am proud to have created a program that enables adults like you to develop your underdeveloped EF skills so that you can be competent and confident in your day-to-day life.
And because I believe that no one should be left behind, I recently created a new membership program, The Transformation Club (TTC), that makes it possible for anyone in the world to work with me for less than $1 a day. So, if the AIA program is more than you can take on right now or isn’t a good fit for you, the TTC membership program should be. Please honor your needs and get the help that is available to you right now. I trust you will be glad you did.
To know me is to know that I am a very curious person. My curiosity has led me to study and integrate a breadth of information and training perspectives into the AIA program, and into some aspects of the TTC membership.
I recently presented a workshop to my advanced students on the topics of how we can’t outperform our identity or our beliefs. And it is so true. Who you say you are whether it’s true or not, and what you believe, whether it’s true or not, is what is running your life – running it well or running it into the ground and you with it. You may be a person who has failed many times at many things. And, you may have taken on the identity of being a failure. And then you may have taken on the beliefs of a person who is a failure. And, even though you are not a failure, since behavior is not identity, you are filled with shame and go into hiding.
Over the years I have assessed the degree of EF skill development in hundreds of adults. For those students of mine who start their journey in the 90%+ underdeveloped category, I know how difficult their life has been. Some have had to go on disability or quit their jobs or even retire; they have continued to struggle, have relationship problems, and this is the horribly painful life journey without well-developed EF skills. This is no joke and yet I feel that the world at large makes jokes about ADHD symptoms and many other things that people are struggling with; it’s just down right disrespectful and painful. One way that some cope with this ridicule is by making jokes about themselves and how poorly they are functioning. The good old “If you can’t beat them, join them” joke. Seriously?
There are real solutions to the core issues here and it’s important for me to tell you about them.
If you’ve never had your Executive Function Skills assessed, this leads me to ask if you’ve gotten your free PDF, “13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back.” If not, you can grab your copy on my website; link in the show notes. And just because you learn about the strength or weakness of your Executive Function skills doesn’t mean you have to do anything further; awareness can be enough for now.
And, IF you decide you want to do something about your underdeveloped Executive Function skills, check out the information about the AIA-FS program. You will find the link in the show notes to receive a free roadmap of the program as well as have access to watch a free training I created about the program. We have extended enrollment until Sunday, February 12th at 8 pm PT. The program starts on Wednesday, February 15th with our live training on releasing your limiting beliefs and upgrading your outdated identities as well as a brief debriefing on your EF assessment results.
The program’s EF skills assessment is more comprehensive than the 13 signs assessment, which is designed to give you a big picture understanding of your EF skills. The program assessment drills down into degrees of underdevelopment which is important to understand as a student in the program. There’s a big difference between being 90% underdeveloped with your Planning skills vs. 65% underdeveloped. Both people know they lack the well-developed EF skill of planning and having more specific details helps my students more fully understand their starting point and have compassion for themselves as they begin their transformation.
Students in the AIA program receive an online comprehensive EF assessment (for informational purposes only), get to email me 2-pages max of typed information about themselves that they feel is important for me to know about them, and after I have reviewed their EF results and personal information, I record a personalized video discussing their EF results in light of their 2-pages of information sent to me and send the link to that video which is on a private viewing page over to them for review. This is the first of many personal touches in the AIA program and gets my students off to a solid start. The feedback on this alone is very positive and empowering for my students.
I’ve got your back, if you’ll let me. If you are hurting and want help now, be sure to check out the links in the show notes for how I can help you. And, if you have questions, you can book a free strategy call with one of my Team members, all prior AIA-FS students, who can answer your questions and you can determine together if this is a good fit for you.
You are a precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. You don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. Your value comes from “who” you are “being”; not what you are doing, which means that you can wake up every day with your value 100% and that’s pretty awesome. It’s a great win. And, if you need a space to feel the importance of this fact, consider working with me in some capacity, if it’s your time.
Speaking of wins, what’s it going to be for you today? You’ve been making your bed every morning as your one small step; that’s great! You’ve teamed up with a friend as your body double so you can both stay on task each week; that awesome! You know you are ready to make changes in your life and take action on that knowing; that’s fantastic! Each one of these WINS deserves your whole-hearted celebrating! YES!!! WOW!!! AWESOME!!! I know you all have daily wins, and I am hopeful that you are celebrating all the small ones every day, when the big ones are happening less frequently.
How much time do we have? Not much. So, let’s get to it.
What crises are you facing in your life right now? How long have you been suffering? And would you be willing to transform your life in just 7-months? And mind you, it doesn’t take 7-months to see results. The results are obvious in our first month together. And, if you don’t address these challenges or crises in some way right now, what will that mean to your quality of life?
If you live in the UK, and need what my AIA program offers you but finances are an issue, there is a grant assistance program through Access to Work that just might provide the funding for the AIA program for you. If you live in Australia, or Ireland or other places, there may also be funding to help you access the AIA program. To learn more about what might be available to you if you live in those areas, check the page on my website – link is in the show notes.
And while you are waiting for your grant assistance to come through, if this applies to you, consider coming into The Transformation Club to start your EF skill transformation with other like-minded adults from around the world for less than $1 a day.
In just seven short months, your life can change dramatically, and you don’t have to bust your butt for that to happen. Just 15 minutes a day with consistency will get you amazing changes and transformation. And if you look at how many months you have they been in therapy, and how many months have they been in traditional coaching – have you gotten the life yet that you want? These other modalities are great but they can’t take you where you need or want to go without the development of your underdeveloped skills. You can’t get water from a dry well and this is no different. And how many months have you been sitting on the sidelines, not doing anything because you are disgusted with what everything else has offered you and not delivered on? I get it and the AIA program is not that. I stand behind what I’ve created and have tracked the transformation data for years so that I know both experientially with my students and from their data that the transformation happens.
The clock is ticking and enrollment for the AIA program closes on Sunday, February 12th at 8 pm Pacific time. The program starts on Wednesday, February 15th with our live training on releasing your limiting beliefs and upgrading your outdated identities as well as a brief debriefing on students’ EF results. You still have time, if this is of interest to you. The program is a lifesaver. Life is precious, and time even more so. We all get a certain amount of time here. And when that time is up, it’s up. What if you knew what I know which is that the AIA program can put an end to your suffering and give you the life you have been struggling to have… and it can do so in just 7-months? What would you do? I know what I would do – but that’s me. I can’t speak for you.
Years ago, I watched a movie entitled “Music Within.” It’s a powerful movie about the life of Richard Pimentel who fought for the rights of others and was responsible for the creation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. There’s a pivotal scene where Richard is about 8 years old and his favorite school teacher, Mr. Parks says, “Most people go to their graves with their music inside them. Don’t die with your music within.” I’ve never forgotten that scene. I know what my music within is, my mission or calling in life, and I committed years ago to not die with it inside of me; there’s no point to that.
If you believed with absolute certainty that you could develop the EF skills you are missing so you could achieve your goals, would you take action on creating that life for yourself? Moving from Point A to Point B isn’t so difficult when you have a structured path to follow, and the support to help you overcome the obstacles or resistance you might encounter. You will find that support and structured path in the AIA-FS program. Things can be figured out when you don’t run, and you ask for help. And whatever your music is that is still locked inside of you, isn’t it time for you to release your music within? I’d love to help you do just that.
If you want an intentional life, you need to be intentional about what you bring into your life. Be 100% responsible for the life you create for yourself. Even if you have challenges in your life, there are solutions, and you can increase the quality of your life tremendously, especially if you develop your EF skills.
If you resonate with what I share and my approach, and would like to benefit from more than just my podcast show, I have created options for you. There is the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills program, which is a high-touch, comprehensive program for the development of your EF pre-skills and EF core skills that will change your life. Its 7-months of working with me, one-to-one, in a group format, that will bring you more than I ever could outside of this structure. Being together in this group energy and unpacking everything that I recommend you examine and possibly develop, to have the life you say you want is powerful transformation. What got us to the places we are at now, won’t get us further. To move beyond today’s space, we need to be different, so we can do different, and have different than we have. This is a comprehensive experience for those committed to deeply transforming their life. Doors close on Sunday, February 12th and we start on our journey together on Wednesday, February 15th. The sooner you get your questions answered and get yourself enrolled, the sooner we can get your EF assessment sent out to you (only takes 15 minutes to complete online), you can type up your 2-pages of information about you and email it to me, and I can get busy reviewing both and then recording your personalized video debriefing your EF results in light of your writing and send off the link to your private viewing page to review your personalized video and EF results. If you have questions about the AIA program, click the link in the show notes to book your free call right away before time runs out. You’ll be able to speak with one of our previous AIA-FS students and discuss whether or not AIA-FS is right for you. We have students from all over the world enrolling in the program; so, location is not an obstacle. AIA-FS is the fastest and most comprehensive path to develop yourself and your skills while eliminating the obstacles that used to stop you or keep you from completing something this important to you.
And, if high-touch and 7-months isn’t for you at this time, then let’s work together in The Transformation Club for less than $1 a day. If you want help running your life and changing your outcomes that is less interactive than AIA-FS, this is a great option for us to work together. Whether you’re in the US or abroad, when you become a member of TTC, you are gaining more than just information. You are becoming part of a community of like-minded adults who are in TTC to transform their lives. You probably already know you need to develop your Executive Function skills, and the fastest, most time and cost-effective way is with TTC. It’s a gentle path of growth where you aren’t rushed, and can take your time each month to learn a new EF skill, practice what you learn, and share in a safe peer-to-peer community forum.
I hear from many of you and will tell you all the same thing. If you want what I have, then develop what you need to have your version of it. There is a peacefulness that I experience by being able to show up and be me. Since there was no comprehensive program available when I needed to develop my EF skills, I had to piece it together from various sources instead of going to one place for all of it. It took me much longer than 7 short months to transform my EF skills because I didn’t have it all in one place and didn’t have an expert trainer and coach guiding me. How much easier that would have been but then it wouldn’t be my journey. And who knows if I would have been called to develop a truly effective, specialized training and coaching program where you not only get the “what” but you also get the “how” as well. And the “how” is usually unique to each person, which is why there is so much coaching available to guide your transformation in the AIA-FS program. You can do something about developing those skills, so you can function more productively at work and create more balance in your personal life. The choice is yours. Are you seriously committed to putting an end to your needless suffering, and developing your missing skills so that the quality of your individual life is what you want? The years will pass no matter what you decide. It’s really the choice of what you will put into those years rather than them just be passing years filled with frustration and regrets.
There are two important currencies in life – time and money. I’ve learned over the course of my lifetime that time is our most precious currency and asset. It is not something we can ever get back. Each day is spent, and another day comes for most of us, but we can never get the days back that were spent poorly or in struggles. We can never get back those experiences or opportunities that we have missed, because they are gone. They might surface again; or they might not. This is a huge price to pay for indecision or hesitation or a wrong decision. Our other currency, money, comes and goes; we can get more of it. Not true with time.
I urge you to take action today and not just hear this PSA and think to yourself – “that’s nice Dr B and I’ll get around to it at some point but not right now.” If your life is anything like the lives of people I talk about in this episode and all my other episodes, you have no time to waste. This episode is a call to action for all my listeners. If you aren’t moving forward, you are sliding backwards because time just doesn’t stand still. Book a free call. Review the AIA program material. Look at the TTC material if AIA isn’t for you at this time. Do something; take some action today. The doors to the opportunities in our lifetime don’t stay open forever. I say this because I have waited in the past and doors have closed that I wish could open up again and they can’t. I live a life of service and want to be of service to you in some capacity.
You came to this lifetime with an empowering gift, perhaps many of them, and I would love it if each and every person on this planet were able to express his or her unique, empowering gifts freely, without the threat of being shamed or criticized. Let’s put an end to that stigma once and for all and live as Empowered Achievers.
A Favorite Quote: John C. Maxwell said, “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”
I love this quote because change is one the constant in life and yet not all changes are for your highest good. However, when you are intentional about your changes and growth – magic happens!
Think about it, if you are willing to invest just 15-minutes a day, every day, and let that be enough, over the course of our 7-months together, that is over 50 hours of invested time. 50 hours sounds overwhelming and yet in 15-minute increments, it is very doable. What could you get done with focused and intentional attention? Whenever a student overcommits on their goals they derail and get frustrated that they didn’t keep their word to themselves. However, when they commit to the 15-minutes a day every day or even 30-minutes a day if they have it, their achievements are massive. This works because we are flying under the radar of triggering resistance or fight/flight responses. Small amounts of time or action steps are the recipe for your success.
If you’re loving the podcast, here’s how to get even more support: check out the links in the show notes for transformative opportunities that are waiting for you.
· AIA-FS Executive Function Program Information: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA · Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function · The Transformation Club – the affordable community for EF training: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram · Grant assistance page: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/financial-assistance · Book your strategy call or call to get your questions answered: https://go.oncehub.com/AIAStrategyCall
Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts If you found value in this episode, please leave me a review on Apple Podcasts! Our mission is to help as many people as possible transform their lives, and when you leave a positive review, more people can find this podcast! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and tell me what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!
That concludes our public service announcement for today. If you’re ready to stop your needless suffering, I look forward to seeing what action step you take today. And if I am honored to welcome you into the AIA program or the TTC membership, that would be wonderful. I will know that you heard me and want the transformation I can offer you. Be sure to check out all of the links in the show notes so you don’t miss out on any of the current opportunities. Some of them are going away very soon.
Personal transformation is not exclusive to me; it’s happening for my students every day. There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, and they are available now. Time is our most precious asset, and none of us have time to waste on solutions that don’t work. I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
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Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
If you’re loving the podcast, here’s how to get even more support for transformative opportunities:
- AIA-FS Executive Function Program Information: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
- Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
- The Transformation Club – the affordable community for EF training:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram - Grant assistance page:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/financial-assistance
- Book your strategy call or call to get your questions answered:
https://go.oncehub.com/AIAStrategyCall
Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts
If you found value in this episode, please leave me a review on Apple Podcasts! Our mission is to help as many people as possible transform their lives, and when you leave a positive review, more people can find this podcast! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and tell me what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!
If you’re ready to stop your needless suffering, I look forward to welcoming you into the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills program or seeing you inside The Transformation Club. Be sure to check out these opportunities with the links above. Personal transformation is not exclusive to me; it’s happening for my students every day. There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, and they are available now. Time is our most precious asset, and none of us have time to waste on solutions that don’t work. I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you.
