Like a fish in water, this is all we know - 075
May 28, 2020We have a multi-dimensional mental health problem in the world. Many professionals aren’t trained to recognize nor address issues with ADHD or executive function training. Our family members might have had the same challenges we experience and just made the best of them. And of course, whatever they modeled for us is what we learned. Plus, nowhere along the way was it ever mentioned that we could do something about these challenges ourselves – even without a diagnosis!
Prescribers aren’t recommending executive function skills training. Therapists aren’t recommending executive function skills training. Colleges aren’t recommending or offering executive function skills training; neither are employers. So, if all the main people in your life weren’t making these recommendations, why would you even know or consider this as something you can do for yourself?
In this episode Dr B talks about:
- Multi-dimensional mental health problem in the world
- Importance of executive function skills training with scaffolding support
- Self-care beyond skills training - hydration, nutrients, movement, and more
- The importance of celebrating your wins
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Like a fish in water, this is all we know
Thursday, May 28, 2020
Episode #075
Today is Episode 75 with Dr B
We have a multi-dimensional mental health problem in the world. Many professionals aren’t trained to recognize nor address issues with ADHD or executive function training. Our family members might have had the same challenges we experience and just made the best of them. And of course, whatever they modeled for us is what we learned. Plus, nowhere along the way was it ever mentioned that we could do something about these challenges ourselves – even without a diagnosis!
Prescribers aren’t recommending executive function skills training. Therapists aren’t recommending executive function skills training. Colleges aren’t recommending or offering executive function skills training; neither are employers. So, if all the main people in your life weren’t making these recommendations, why would you even know or consider this as something you can do for yourself?
There is a lot to unpack about this topic and if you’d like a space to discuss this topic or ask your own questions about executive function skills training, I suggest you join the Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group. The one thing about podcasting is that I don’t get to meet you all unless you show up in my Facebook group. It’s a great community to connect with to celebrate your wins, respond to fun posts, polls and other ways of interacting plus the Facebook lives on topics I’ve chosen or topics you’ve requested.
Speaking of questions - do you a question you’d like to ask me? I bet you do; probably lots of questions that you’d like answered about adult ADHD or executive function skills training. I’d love to answer your questions and have made it easy for you to get your questions to me. Just click the link in the episode notes and ask your questions privately. They come directly to me. Click: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ask-dr-b and ask your question. I can’t wait to read your questions and start answering them! And, if you have a question that you want me to do an entire episode on, please let me know that as well.
For those of you who have been long time listeners, you know I am big on WINS and their importance in your life. There’s another important aspect to focusing on WINS and that is you are training your mind everyday to notice what is right with you, right with what you are doing and right in the world – in other words… WINS. And especially during a time in our world history when it would be easy to ignore what’s right or good or amazing – this is exactly what we need to be focusing on to keep the level of positives within us high, so it can offset the high level of negatives that we are bombarded with everyday.
And if you don’t have anyone who would understand your WINS and celebrate with you, that’s why I encourage you to celebrate them in the Facebook group; it’s the perfect place to celebrate with others who “get it” and understand what a big deal each WIN is. The weekly post, Wednesday WINS, is where you can share your WINS, big and small!! I’d love to know about your WINS and celebrate with you!
Having a WINS mindset will transform how you experience your life, if you let it, even during very challenging times, like now. How you experience your life and the meanings you give the events of your life contribute greatly to the quality of your life. We don’t always have control over the events of our lives; however, we do have control over the meaning we give them. We know that what you focus on grows and that it’s important to stand guard at the doorway to your mind and not let in things that don’t serve you. So why focus on anything but WINS? That way, you will continue to attract more and more WINS into your life all leading you to the state of mind and life you want.
I hope you have a list of your WINS to celebrate today as you are listening to this episode because it’s really important for you to make the effort to do so, even if you are feeling bad about yourself because your ADHD or other factors have taken your life to an all-time low. I get it, and it doesn’t take away from the fact that at least one thing has gone right today or is right with you.
You are a precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. You don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. You’re value comes from “who” you are; not what you do. And if you need a place to know that is true, be sure to join the Facebook group, Living Beyond ADHD, so you can be with others who will celebrate yours WINS with you and affirm that you are more than okay as you, the “human being.”
So, what’s it going to be for you today? If you’ve celebrated a win in our Facebook Group, that’s certainly a WIN. If you started working on your time and self-management skills, that’s a big WIN since you need to manage both every day. And if you started using a calendar to make appointments with yourself and actually keep those appointments, that’s a fantastic WIN. You get the point; celebrate all of them. And none of this “half-hearted celebrating”; you’ve got to mean it. Exaggerate your emotions. YES!!! WOW!!! AWESOME!!! Be sure to celebrate your WINS – big and small – because celebrating daily builds consistency and makes a faster difference in your life.
Shifting gears now…
Today’s episode was inspired by the many comments being left under the videos I’ve been releasing on my Dr B Facebook page and in the Living Beyond ADHD group. Many of you have asked what you can do to help yourselves. Is there a book to read? Is there a class to take? I could make such recommendations but where would the accountability be to make sure that what you read or heard, you applied? How would you get to know that you had really benefited from reading the book or taking the class if you weren’t offered the opportunity to actually apply the information you received and see how it works in real time?
I know that’s a huge problem in our community. People purchase books and don’t read them (that was me years ago). People enroll in classes that they don’t attend, don’t finish or if they attend, they don’t apply the information they intellectually learned in the class. Intellectual learning isn’t knowing. You can’t know if you don’t take action and have the experience of applying the information. What is the point of spending your time, effort, energy and money on something that doesn’t give you what you need, which are the skills to achieve whatever you are seeking to achieve?
All of this is to say that you need a way to know that you know what you think you know, instead of just assuming you know.
While the contents of each of the 90-Minute MasterClasses on Decision- Making Made Easy, Time Management Secrets and Procrastination Banished are great, especially with the comprehensive Workbook that comes with each one, I feel it’s the personalized attention you get from me for 30-days in a private community forum I created for each of the MasterClasses that makes the difference in the value of this solution. Not only do you learn what to do and how to do it, you get to practice doing it for real with me along your side, coaching you 6 days/week (if you post that often) and guiding your process for your success.
Imagine having a coach-on-call 6 days/week helping you work through resolving your challenges with any one of these 3 topics for less than $5/day! This is my offer because I really want you to get your needs met and shift your life in a more successful direction.
You can check out information about each of these MasterClasses on the resource page of my website: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Resources And if none of these options are for you, then I hope the rest of what I’ll share in this podcast episode will be of benefit.
I’ll be sharing about why your executive function skills may have derailed and stopped short in their development, some actions steps you can take to encourage their development again, and a favorite quote of mine.
How much time do we have? Not much. So let’s get to it.
Now back to being an adult with ADHD or under-developed executive function skills in today’s world.
To get us on the same page, when I am talking about executive function skills, I am referring to skills that allow you to inhibit just blurting out something you’ll regret later or grabbing a bunch of junk food when you really don’t want to eat it. Or, being able to shift and move from one task to the next; completing each as you move along. Or, being able to regulate your emotions so you don’t overreact due to too much stimulus coming at you all at once. Or, being able to initiate or get started on tasks or projects you committed to do and see them through. Or, keeping your word to yourself and others, even when you don’t feel like it. Or, being able to determine what your priorities are and act accordingly instead of glazing over because everything looks like a 10 and urgent. I think you get the point. These are many of the skills and abilities that we as adults need to successfully navigate our lives.
So, what’s my take on what’s been happening to our executive function skills? Well, when we lived in more primitive times, we had a much more experiential life. So much of our learning was hands on then; we saw others doing what we were learning, there were lots of opportunities for apprenticeship as a means of hands on learning; life was just less complex in many ways.
Fast forward to our world today where it seems we are expected to know things that we were never taught or given the opportunity to learn experientially and many of us feel embarrassed or ashamed about not knowing; too ashamed to even ask for the help and training that we need so we can become and feel competent in our adult lives. Our confidence is directly related to our competence. And if we aren’t or don’t feel that we are competent, then our self-esteem suffers and we pull back. Some even drift into a depression that lasts for decades because the lack of competence is never corrected by skills training.
Let’s start correcting that today. There is a very simple free phone app called Peak and it’s the upgraded paid version (roughly $35/year), Peak Pro that I am very happy with as a training tool. One, because if you train daily, you are also training yourself for consistency and follow through which will map over into other areas of your life other than just training with Peak Pro. Two, Peak Pro typically seems to train to your weaker areas and I find that discouraging and less motivating than training to your strengths and making them stronger. What I suggest you do if you are going to train your executive function skills with this app, is to do a couple of trainings that Peak Pro sends you to get a baseline of how your development looks, and then see which of the various training game areas is the strongest: language, problem solving, memory, focus, mental agility, emotion or coordination. Whichever has the highest score is the category of games I suggest you train with until you get your skills to the level that your age category indicates. From there, move on to your next highest score and train with those games until you reach the level for your age category and so on.
Assuming you take this seriously and train daily, you will notice a difference in a very short period of time – both in your training scores as well as in your day-to-day life. And if you think you don’t have the time to do this training, you can break it up throughout the day or take your phone into the bathroom with you every time you go and train then. Everyone has time to train; it’s just a matter of making it a priority if you want your skills to Improve.
Something else you can do to train your brain is doing Sudoku puzzles. They are great for so many different skill sets.
Other than strictly training your brain in skill development, your brain has other needs, like mobility, oxygen and adequate hydration, especially in the hotter weather.
When you wake up each morning, take time to gently stretch your body and get present in your body as you do this. It’s a form of mindfulness you can practice by just being aware of what you are experiencing in your body as you move. You can wake up your brain each morning with exercise; specifically aerobics. It doesn't need to be very long; even 10 minutes a day, every day, can make a difference. It’s the consistency that matters. As the saying goes… Done is better than not done. You can jump or run in place without impact on a mini rebounder, walk on the treadmill, jump rope, do jumping jacks, do push-ups or sit ups at an aerobic pace; all of this will benefit your brain as well as your body.
And then there’s the food are putting in your body at least three times a day, I hope. Since food is chemistry and what you eat becomes the building blocks of what you can develop, you want quality ingredients to build with. If you are putting junk in your body, it will end up coating your gut and make the proper absorption of medications, supplements and other nutrients less efficient. For a clean gut and healthy barriers to all your internal organs such as your lungs, gut, brain, and such, a wide range of different vegetables are key due to their mineral content. In fact, for those of you who are eating a pretty limited range of foods for convenience sake, you are doing your brain and body a disservice. We need the diversity to get everything we need.
Lastly, be sure you drink plenty of water every day to hydrate your system so it can run properly and serve you at the highest level. The human body is made up of over 70% water and water is essential for maintaining a healthy weight to energy levels to flushing toxins out of the body and more. The bad news in a study I read said that almost half of American adults do not drink enough water on a daily basis. Add our ADHD or under-developed executive function skills to this information and for us, I am going to assume that the rate of not drinking enough water is even higher; whether we just forget to drink water or procrastinate getting up to get water or don’t like water or whatever the reasons are. Did you know that when you feel thirty you are already dehydrated? It’s true – so don’t use thirst as your cue to drink water.
Set an alarm to reminder you to drink some water through the day; perhaps every hour or so. And if you suffer from muscle cramps, fatigue, headaches or cravings for sweet, sugary foods, the underlying cause might be dehydration, and drinking more water every day for a week or two might be the simple solution to any one of those issues. It’s certainly worth a trial run.
Recapping some key points here:
• You do not need to be officially diagnosed with ADHD or other conditions to train and develop your executive function skills and improve on your ability to function.
• Under-developed executive function skills can occur because the energy needed for their development is directed elsewhere, such as with ADHD, depression, anxiety, trauma, addictions, and chronic Illnesses.
• Executive function skills include but are limited to inhibiting, emotional control, task monitoring, planning, scheduling, organizing your thoughts, shifting, self-monitoring, working memory, organizing material things.
• You can train your skills with Peak Pro to start or you can enroll in one of the MasterClasses with me and go deeper into your executive function development.
• In mid-June, the opportunity to develop 13 of your executive function skills will become available again; with open enrollment for the ADDventures in Achievement Foundational Skills program. More details coming soon. In the meantime, be sure to join the Living Beyond ADHD Facebook group so you’ll be the first to hear about this life-changing opportunity and even follow me on my Dr B page.
I want you all to know that there is real hope for resolving the challenges you are experiencing. The widespread needless suffering of millions of adult around the world has to stop. And if you want to see a doctor for a diagnosis because it’s important to you, by all means do so AND it doesn’t mean that you can’t start helping yourself right now because these are the same skills you will need to develop with or without a diagnosis.
These essential skills are what we all need to thrive as adults in today’s world. If we can’t plan, organize, prioritize, get started and keep going until the end, or regulate states of overwhelm and analysis paralysis so we can make a solid decision, it’s going to cost us dearly.
Slow down and become a student of your own life. Understand what you need to succeed with the multi-faceted brain you have. Take action on what you learn about yourself. Whether you train with Peak Pro or play Sudoku puzzles or take a MasterClass with me or become part of the amazing ADDventures in Achievement Foundational Skills program, PLEASE make it a priority to fully develop your essential executive function skills and strategies, so you will be able to engage the strengths that your unique mind possesses. You came to this lifetime with a gift, and I would love it if each and every person on this planet were able to express his or her unique gift freely, without the threat of being shamed or criticized. Let’s put an end to the stigma once and for all.
A Favorite Quote:
Kahlil Gibran said, “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” We can only control ourselves, no matter how much training we undertake; not other people, places or things. We need to cultivate a mindset of acceptance for that which we cannot control and take action on that which we can, without hesitation, least the window of opportunity pass us by.
Are you willing to accept what is outside of your control, so you can focus your time, effort and energy on being mindful of who you are becoming on the way to where it is that you are going? I hope so.
Whether you’re learning from my podcast episodes or live videos or working with me directly, you are in my world and I’m here to serve your needs. So be sure to reach out and get your needs met. It’s up to you to take action so things can change for you.
Be sure to check out the show notes to learn about all the great resources I’ve made available to you. And definitely make it a priority to join the Facebook group – Living Beyond ADHD – you won’t regret it.
If you enjoyed today’s episode or any of the other episodes, please share this podcast show with others, as well as rate the show. If you’d like to do more, write a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know I’m meeting your needs. It doesn’t have to be anything lengthy; just a line or two of how the podcast is helping you, if it is.
It means a lot to me to know your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together. Be sure to check out the show notes for free content and ways we can work together. You will find solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, and I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Episode Resources:
- Put yourself on the informational list for the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, so that you receive all the amazing emails we’ve written to both educate you about Executive Function skills as well as the details of the program; there is absolutely no obligation by being on the Information List. You’ll thank yourself for getting informed.
- Free Video and e-Book - Many Mental Health Providers & ADHD
- 13 EF Skills
- Join the amazing Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group & hang out with your peeps
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
