Procrastinate No More – 112
Jan 10, 2023Procrastination is simply the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. Most people think of procrastinating as a negative thing. We procrastinate on filing our taxes, paying our bills, keeping our homes tidy, returning phone messages and responding to important emails. We even procrastinate on making plans for our summer vacations. These are all just the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. It’s just a behavior. And, we can use this behavior for good or harm; it’s up to us. Most use it for harm.
The issue isn’t really about procrastinating – the act of delaying or postponing something – it is about when we do it and why.
If you are a procrastinator, do you procrastinate at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of a task or project? And, is the reason for your procrastination because you are missing information you need to start or continue or finish up? Or, is it because you can’t get yourself to take action on things when you need to be taking action? You know what you need to do and even how to do it. You have all the resources to take action, and yet you don’t. We are feeling-driven people and often don’t take action because we don’t feel like it. Translating this, I mean that the feeling we need to take action isn’t there when we need it to be.
And the advice isn’t – “just do it” – because you would if you could and you can’t. Instead, it’s learning the EF skill of Shifting your state so that no matter what you are feeling when the time comes to take action, you can shift yourself into the state of being or feeling so you take action...
Full Episode Transcript
Procrastinate No More – 112
Hi Aspiring Achievers,
Procrastination is simply the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. Most people think of procrastinating as a negative thing. We procrastinate on filing our taxes, paying our bills, keeping our homes tidy, returning phone messages and responding to important emails. We even procrastinate on making plans for our summer vacations. These are all just the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. It’s just a behavior. And, we can use this behavior for good or harm; it’s up to us. Most use it for harm.
The issue isn’t really about procrastinating – the act of delaying or postponing something – it is about when we do it and why.
If you are a procrastinator, do you procrastinate at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of a task or project? And, is the reason for your procrastination because you are missing information you need to start or continue or finish up? Or, is it because you can’t get yourself to take action on things when you need to be taking action? You know what you need to do and even how to do it. You have all the resources to take action, and yet you don’t. We are feeling-driven people and often don’t take action because we don’t feel like it. Translating this, I mean that the feeling we need to take action isn’t there when we need it to be. And the advice isn’t – “just do it” – because you would if you could and you can’t. Instead, it’s learning the EF skill of Shifting your state so that no matter what you are feeling when the time comes to take action, you can shift yourself into the state of being or feeling so you take action.
Back to procrastinating for a moment, what if you used your honed procrastination skills to delay or postpone acting on eating the cookies that a friend brought over to share, when you aren’t eating cookies because they aren’t part of your new health plan? It’s the same skill; just a different context.
And, do you share your procrastinating challenges with your friends or are you feeling so much shame that it drives you into yourself and you hid this from the people who care about you? Many of us fear the judgment or negative thoughts of others so much that we would rather suffer in silence than reveal our struggles.
This ties in again with the EF skill of Shifting, which is making a transition. The skill itself isn't a difficult one because we are all shifting or making transitions all day long. It’s the emotional component that is the challenge here. There’s often some emotional reason why we don’t shift when we need to shift. We know what to do (shift), when to do it (in that moment) and yet we often don’t do it because of emotional reasons.
Looking at the practical part, it may be true that people don’t know what to do to get started, or they may not know what to do in the middle, or they may not know how to wrap something up. That's true in some cases. And if they don't feel comfortable asking someone how to begin, how to keep going, and how to wrap it up in the end, then it isn't going to happen. They may keep postponing and delaying and keep this hidden as a secret and then pull an all-nighter and somehow get it done – and it’s not their best work.
If we go even deeper, there are often saboteurs at play. The following are the 9 that I teach about in my program and a quick solution to each.
§ Negative thinking – for some feeling prepared for the worst o Solution – options thinking and reframing to shift outcomes so what you focus on grows and is attracted
§ Negative self-talk – repeating what others have said about you o Solution – upgrade your self-value (human being) so you can tak to yourself at that level
§ Fear of success – fulfilling a belief that you should be afraid o Solution – dialogue with your fear to learn what you are really afraid of. What meaning have you given success?
§ Fear of failure – have you defined what failure is and means? o Solution – identify what meaning you have given to failure and why you should fear it
§ Criticizing others – projection of disowned parts of self; safer o Solution – love the parts of yourself that you see in others; cultivate unconditional self-love
§ Doubting yourself – ineffective decision-making skills o Solution – there is no need to doubt yourself when you know exactly how you came to the decisions you made and when you have a plan for your task
§ Perfectionism – doesn’t exist; only perfect moments in time o Solution – look for the beauty in imperfection because everything is perfectly imperfect
§ People pleasing – codependency o Solution – develop a healthier relationship with yourself; own your part and let others own theirs
§ Resisting change – safety in the known problems o Solution – avoid all-or-nothing thinking; give yourself the option of changing back to what you currently have if you don’t like the changes you tried out
Many of these saboteurs exist because of your underdeveloped Executive Function skills. And for that reason, I want you to know the state of your EF skills. Have you gotten your free PDF, “13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back”? And, have you actually read the PDF and scored yourself? If you have, that’s great. If you got it but haven’t gotten around to reading it or scoring yourself yet, what’s stopping you? The very topic of this episode - procrastination? If you truly want to know what shape your EF skills are in, you need to get that information from the PDF. Just because you get the information doesn’t mean that you have to do anything about it. At least you will be aware.
And with your awareness, IF you decide you want to do something about your underdeveloped EF skills, get yourself on the Information List about the AIA-FS program. We will be making strategy calls available in the not-too-distant future, if that’s of interest to you. If you’re on the Information List, and want to speak with a previous AIA-FS student to see if AIA-FS is for you and hear how it worked for someone for real, that’s your opportunity. Emails about this opportunity coming out soon to those on the Information List.
And, if you want help running your life and changing the outcomes in your days right away, you probably want to check out The Transformation Club. It’s my newest membership program where you can work with me for less than $1 per day. If you want someone to show you the way, and a supportive community behind you, check the show notes for links to all opportunities and resources.
One of the gifts that I have been given in this lifetime is the ability to create and maintain safe spaces for groups of people to learn and grow together, all the while feeling safe and judgment-free in their program community. I’ve learned over the years that these communities need to be separate from social media sites, so that students learn to trust the safety of the space and be able to relax their survival protection, make things real, and heal.
You are a precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. You don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. Your value comes from “who” you are “being”; not what you are doing, which means that you can wake up every day with your value 100% and that’s pretty awesome. It’s a great win.
Speaking of wins, what’s it going to be for you today? You are healing your relationship with yourself; that’s wonderful! You are getting a full night’s rest and waking up refreshed and ready for a new day; that’s awesome! You have decluttered your work space at home and are much more relaxed and productive; that’s fantastic! Each one of these WINS deserves your full-hearted celebrating! YES!!! WOW!!! AWESOME!!! I know you all have wins – big and small – and I am hopeful that you are celebrating them all every day.
How much time do we have? Not much. So, let’s get to it.
Think about how you could use procrastination as a positive in your life. Are there things that you need to delay or postpone doing? Because if you're impulsive and you do them, it actually causes harm to you? And if you used your ability to procrastinate, if you used that skill for good in your life, and you delay and postpone something that isn’t good for you, because you already know how to delay and postpone things, this would be a positive outcome in your life.
And if you delay and postpone eating certain foods or eating a certain amount of food, or spending money on something that really isn't in your budget, or any other kinds of things that you shouldn't do, don't want to do, but you end up doing because of impulsivity and not having the executive function skill of being able to inhibit what you do, what a great strategy to use your procrastination habit or skill and procrastinate on spending or eating or doing things that would not be good for you and would hurt you. What a great idea to use a skill that you already have for good instead of for harm.
I don't know if other people talk about procrastination this way. I know that in the past when I used procrastination for harm, it wasn't a very good thing. Back then, I wanted to overcome my procrastination. These days when I look at procrastination as nothing more than the act of delaying and postponing something, I can see that procrastination as a skill set could actually be a good thing. Because there are definitely things that I want to procrastinate on - meaning I want to delay or postpone doing things until I've given them their due thought, and really looked at them. By delaying and postponing taking action on something temporarily, I give myself the time to feel certain and be in alignment with my values.
So, let's think about where using procrastination would be a good thing for you, and when using procrastination would not be a good thing for you. Because it's not about procrastination itself. Procrastination is just a vehicle or a skill or tool. And that's all it is. It's simply the skill or tool or ability to delay or postpone something and being able to use it, where it will benefit you and being able to not use that where it doesn't benefit you.
I think about procrastination as a pre-skill to other executive function skills, because the three pre-skills that I focus on, which is managing yourself in time, banishing procrastination, and making decisions more easily and effectively - these are definitely pre-steps or pre-skills to the core executive function skills that are important to learn and develop before you move on.
We need all three of these pre-skills, executive function pre-skills because they are part of our daily life. And even if you don’t do anything other than work on these 3 pre-skills, it would make an amazing difference in your life. Consider if managing time isn’t about time management; it’s more about self-management. And you learn to manage yourself which in fact is really connected with procrastination because you are learning to manage yourself, not just in relation to time, but in relation to delaying or postponing something. This is still self-management. So, if you learn to manage yourself with regard to procrastination, and you learn to manage yourself with regard to making decisions, and with time, then those 3 things that are woven into all aspects of your life would make a huge difference. Certainly, something to consider. I know how important these 3 pre-skills are which is why we spend the better part of a month working on them in my ADDventures program, because to not do so would be to do a disservice to all of you, who definitely need to develop these pre-skills.
Right now, you might identify with being an Aspiring Achiever or a Gifted Underachiever. It is my hope for you is that you are courageous enough to become an Empowered Achiever. Many adults wish they could be the Empowered Achiever but they don’t have the courage to face themselves as they are today and grow from there, wherever there is. So many adults are in a hurry and want to get quick fixes that don’t last.
Being a Gifted Underachiever is a tough way to live. Tons of limiting beliefs. An identity that keeps you locked into the past. Many of my students were afraid when they began, and they did the work in spite of their fears because of the enormous amount of support they received. It’s good to know that others are also afraid and that they are stepping forward even while they’re afraid. And, it’s amazing how the fears fade away when we do this.
Long ago I learned that if it’s to be, it’s up to me. Up to me to go the distance; to do whatever it takes to achieve my desired outcomes. That I needed to be intentional about who I was becoming on the way to where it was that I was going. And, this didn’t mean alone. Having the support of a like-minded community makes such a difference. Obstacles or potholes aren’t so hard to move beyond when we can draw strength from others as well as ourselves. Things can be figured out if we don’t run. If we study our situations, we can see a way around them and get through to the other side.
As a Gifted Underachiever, we have accumulated a lot of disempowering stuff that we need to challenge and shed to make room for the empowering stuff we want to live with as an expression of our authentic self. If we didn’t have years and years of the disempowering stuff, we could just learn new skills and strategies and move on from there but that is not the case. The time is going to pass anyways and it’s what we put into the time we are here rather than the amount of time. Be intentional about what you bring into your life. Be 100% responsible for what you bring into your life. Even if you have challenges in your life, you can bring solutions and raise the quality of your life tremendously. Years ago, I was introduced to the idea that my life is unfolding for me rather than happening to me. I found this concept challenging in the beginning; however, I now see the truth of it. Things have a way of working out, and not necessarily the way I planned or envisioned, however, they have always worked themselves out.
If you want to change your life in amazing ways, decide where you are going to start. Will it be with your identity or your beliefs or your relationship with time or procrastination or decision-making? These are the foundational skills and strategies that we all need. You’re not broken or defective and you don’t need to have a diagnosis of something to be entitled to raise your quality of life by developing the skills that will make a difference.
If you resonate with me, and would like to benefit from more than just my podcast show, I have created options for you. There is the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills program, which is a high-touch deep dive into the EF pre-skills and EF core skills that will change your life. Its 7-months of being together and unpacking everything that I recommend you examine and possibly change to have the life you say you want. What got us all to the places we are at now won’t get us further. To move beyond today’s space, we need to be different, so we can do different, and have different than we have. This is an exclusive experience for those serious about more deeply transforming their life. It’s opening up again in February 2023, and if you’re on the Information List, you’ll be the first notified when doors open. Get on the Information List to learn more about this upcoming opportunity. If high-touch and 7-months isn’t for you at this time, then let’s work together in The Transformation Club for less than $1 a day. You probably already know you need to develop your Executive Function skills, and the fastest, most time and cost-effective way is with TTC. It’s a gentle path of growth where you aren’t rushed, and can take your time each month to learn a new EF skill, practice what you learn, and share in a safe peer-to-peer community forum. It includes a monthly training and monthly Q & A (both live on zoom) and a monthly private Ask Dr B podcast episode based on questions asked by TTC members. This may be perfect for you; check the show notes to learn more. It would be wonderful if we had been given this opportunity when we were kids, but that didn’t happen for most. We are being given this opportunity now, as adults, and it is our choice to close the gap now or not. Our quality of life depends on what we decide; it hangs in the balance.
I hear from many of you and will tell you all the same thing. If you want what I have, then develop what you need to have your version of it. There is a peacefulness that I experience by being able to show up and be me. Since there was no comprehensive program available when I needed to develop my EF skills, I had to piece it together from various sources instead of going to one place for all of it. How much easier that would have been but then it wouldn’t be my journey. And who knows if I would have been called to develop a truly effective, specialized training and coaching program where you not only get the “what” but you also get the “how” as well. And the “how” is usually unique to each person.
You can do something about developing those skills, so you can function more productively at work and create more balance in your personal life. The choice is yours. Are you seriously committed to putting an end to your needless suffering and developing your missing skills so that the quality of life you want to live is yours? The years will pass no matter what you do. It’s really the choice of what you will put into those years rather than them just be passing years filled with frustration and regrets.
Please slow down and become a student of your own life. Understand what you need to succeed with the multi-faceted brain you have. Take action on what you learn about yourself. This is the lifework that lies ahead for you if this is your time.
You came to this lifetime with an empowering gift, and I would love it if each and every person on this planet were able to express his or her unique, empowering gifts freely, without the threat of being shamed or criticized. Let’s put an end to that stigma once and for all and live as Empowered Achievers.
A Favorite Quote: Gandhi said, “To do what we fear is the first step to success.”
I love this quote because we don’t grow in our comfort zone; only outside of it. It doesn’t need to be a huge fear; just something we are resisting and release our resistance and move through to the other side.
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Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Episode Resources:
- ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program information:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIAprogram - Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function - The Transformation Club – the affordable community for Executive Function training:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy relevant posts
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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