Some Personal Moments with Dr B - 106
Sep 06, 2022In this episode, we're doing something a little different. I was on a call a few days back with a couple of my team members. And I realized that that conversation would make a great mini podcast that I wanted to share with you my listener, because it's how I feel about the work that I'm honored to do with you, and why it matters so much to me. So, here's a brief bit of that conversation. Enjoy.
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Hi all; welcome to episode 106. In this episode, we're doing something a little different. I was on a call a few days back with a couple of my team members. And I realized that that conversation would make a great mini podcast that I wanted to share with you my listener, because it's how I feel about the work that I'm honored to do with you, and why it matters so much to me. So, here's a brief bit of that conversation. Enjoy.
It's a place they can establish trust, if they have broken trust from work, or personal or growing up or something. And a lot of them, you know, they're kind of defended in Foundation, because they're still working on building trust and feeling safe. And for some of them, it's taken seven months to do that, and a little bit of the work with the executive function skills, but then they come into Next Level, because they know it's going to be a similar community and similar kind of support and judgment-free. And then, because they feel safe, and they didn't need to spend seven more months getting safe, they can take off from there, because it's safe enough to trust; they can now do the work that they couldn't do during the seven months.
No one, no one in those seven months, finishes and graduates the program the same. What the difference is varies from person to person, depending on what they came in with. Some people’s developed skills are amazing in seven months; other people not so much of a difference.
But they started identifying other things that came up that were blocks for them that they work through in the seven months, which like this one woman I just did her reassessment video with her and hardly any change in her skills. Yet she told me the biggest thing she'd worked on during that seven months was keeping her word to herself. And one other thing, and she said it isn't perfect yet. But I made so much progress. And she told me, she's made more progress this last year than in all the years of her adult life.
And I asked all the people in this graduating group for testimonials. So, I'll follow up. And I'm hoping they'll give me but telling someone that this has been the best year and they've made the most advances and they're in therapy in this program than they have ever is worth everything, even if I show them this and this which I did for her assessment results, the visuals. And she goes yeah, I can see a little bit of a difference. She said, but I know it's changing. It's percolating. I have the concepts I understand. I just haven't been able to do it. And then we pinpoint what was wrong.
And maybe this another podcast episode because I'm just thinking that right now, because you got my brain going, which is for her. It's the visual clutter. She lives in a home with four other people. It's not just her clutter, she inherited stuff from a parent that just passed a few years ago. There's stuff everywhere. She's so distracted by all this stuff. And then all the other people so we came up with a strategy of what she can hopefully get buy in with the other four. And it gave her a strategy for her. Because eliminating that what she felt was the biggest obstacle to why she can't focus because she's constantly distracted by this stuff.
If we get that, then we have a place to build from because it's different for everyone. This is what I mean by wins. This is what I mean by what these people and I get all emotional about this. It's like what they're asking for isn't the moon. They just want to be able to have a day or two or a week or a month, where they feel good about themselves; that they didn't get distracted, didn't lose track of a thought. I mean, you know, regular people in society don't think this way and don't understand what a humongous win it is that you could actually hold the thought long enough to complete the task. And stay present in the moment while you were doing it. And celebrate that win.
Or throw the blankets and sheets, like I suggest over all the visual clutter and eliminate it even though it's there, and you'll deal with it. But you eliminate the visual clutter immediately, by making it one thing. And that works really, really well for people. I did that for me until I got through all the cluttery stuff, all the individual little things.
But honestly, it's like they want so little, they don't want a lot. They want the simple…I'm not gonna say the simple pleasures, the simple things of a life, that you can wake up and be glad you're alive. Instead of I'm waking up today to more drama, more chaos, more struggle more of I just don't even know where to begin. It's so overwhelming. And it's just so horrible. And I feel horrible that I'm 45 years old, and I can't even handle this. I can't this, I can't this, I can't this. Who can't do these things? And then they beat the crap out of themselves.
This is what I love working with these people. I get it. I understand how painful this is. I do because I know what I couldn't do. And that nobody else understood; no one. I paid professionals. I went to supposedly good people. They didn't help me. And they made it worse. Inevitably, they blamed me, even therapists, one therapist was, you know, if you really applied yourself and you really did the assignments I gave you, you would make a lot more progress. He got flipped off. He got told off. And I threw Red Zinger tea over his beautiful beige carpet. I've never done anything like that in my life. But I said to him, how dare you put your inadequacies on me? I am one of the hardest working people in terms of wanting to change my life you're ever going to work with, because I'm not going to quit because I need to do this.
And professors in college, same thing. I'm getting a D minus; I'm barely passing the class. But instead, I'm spending all the time trying to pass the class. And he's telling me if I put more time into studying for his class… He got 90% of my time, and 10% went to psychology which I wanted to be studying. But instead, I'm struggling to pass his class. He didn't help. The therapist didn't help. The other people I went to didn't help. Because they can't and I don't know how to say this other than I'm saying it here because my brain is just going. It's like they don't really understand the journey. And they don't really understand the pain.
And whenever I get into this spontaneous state of a conversation where it's like… I time travel back to that. I know how painful that is. Which is why there's no judgment, which is why there's compassion and empathy. Because it's a miserable way to live. And these are bright, gifted individuals with so many talents and gifts. But they can't, they can't like get themselves out of a paper bag. They can't. It's like they're trapped in this thing that isn't being explained to them right and empowering them as to what they could do.
It's why I am so determined for whatever it's going to take to make this understood. Because therapists don't tell people about this, psychiatrists that prescribe don't tell people. Other coaches don't tell people. People are starting to say executive function a lot. So, I go look at their sites. They're citing the word, which means they're giving planners, telling you what you need to do…duh. I've known what I needed to do for years that didn't get the job done. I don't need a new planner, I don't need to be told do this, do that; do it in this order. I don't need that. I need to develop what I'm missing. And I know no one is doing that. No one's assessing. No one's doing that. I know it's a decided difference in what I'm doing. But I do look every time I see someone saying executive function, executive function. It's the same old stuff. They're just using new words for copy. But they aren't developing. It's an appendage. This isn't an appendage. This is who you're becoming.
Loving the podcast? Here’s how to get even more support:
· Executive Function Information List & AIA-FS Program Information: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
· Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
· Free 3-part live training coming in September – “Take Control of Your Life -Meeting You Where You Are & Moving Forward from There” – get on the Information List to be notified first. https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
· Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Support Group for podcast listeners: https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingbeyondadhd
Want even more support? My Signature Transformational Training and Coaching Program is designed to get you unstuck by teaching you how to release your limiting beliefs and outdated identities, build a strong foundation of your pre-skills and develop your core EF life skills. You’ll be tapping into your subconscious mind so you can reach a new level of success in your life and free yourself from what’s been holding you back. This is an exclusive experience for those serious about transforming their life, and it’s opening up again in October. Get on the Information List to be the first notified when doors open, as well as when the FREE 3-part live training opens for registration.
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Episode Resources:
- First, get your copy of 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
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Next, find out what you can do to change this for yourself and how AIA-FS can help you: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
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- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
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Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
