The Importance of Executive Function Pre-Skills – 120
May 23, 2023How often do you do the prep work for your tasks? Do you know what I mean by prep work? Most people I know really dislike the prep work and just want to get down to doing the task. They even feel that the prep work is a waste of their time because it isn’t getting the job done. And, they are short on time as it is, so this is just a non-essential thing to do. But is it really? Everything in life needs prep work and maintenance. If you are the cook in your family or home, you need to prep the meal before you can make it and then eat it. If you are going to work on an art project, you need to prep and make sure you have all the supplies you need for your project before you embark or you’ll be running out to the store or aborting the project when you find out that you don’t have what you need. What about leading a meeting at work? Do you just show up and talk, or do you need to prep for the meeting so you stay on topic for the purpose of the meeting and are clear on what you will present? Like I said, prep work and maintenance is just part of life.
Prep work can include many Executive Function skills or Executive Function pre-skills. And, if you don’t have solid pre-skills, then building your Executive Function skills on a flimsy foundation isn’t going to get you sustainable results. The 3 Executive Function pre-skills that I feel are essential are your relationship with time and how you manage yourself and time itself, procrastination and how you eliminate it from your life, and decision-making since you are making decisions every day, and sometimes all day long. Do you trust yourself with time and the decisions you make? Have you eliminated procrastination from your life?
In this episode, I talk about:
- Executive Function pre-skills development
- The importance of developing a dynamic plan with a strong foundation
- What it's like to work with Dr B
- And more!
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Hi Aspiring Achievers,
How often do you do the prep work for your tasks? Do you know what I mean by prep work? Most people I know really dislike the prep work and just want to get down to doing the task. They even feel that the prep work is a waste of their time because it isn’t getting the job done. And, they are short on time as it is, so this is just a non-essential thing to do. But is it really? Everything in life needs prep work and maintenance. If you are the cook in your family or home, you need to prep the meal before you can make it and then eat it. If you are going to work on an art project, you need to prep and make sure you have all the supplies you need for your project before you embark or you’ll be running out to the store or aborting the project when you find out that you don’t have what you need. What about leading a meeting at work? Do you just show up and talk, or do you need to prep for the meeting so you stay on topic for the purpose of the meeting and are clear on what you will present? Like I said, prep work and maintenance is just part of life.
Prep work can include many Executive Function skills or Executive Function pre-skills. And, if you don’t have solid pre-skills, then building your Executive Function skills on a flimsy foundation isn’t going to get you sustainable results. The 3 Executive Function pre-skills that I feel are essential are your relationship with time and how you manage yourself and time itself, procrastination and how you eliminate it from your life, and decision-making since you are making decisions every day, and sometimes all day long. Do you trust yourself with time and the decisions you make? Have you eliminated procrastination from your life?
Most people I know don’t have a great relationship with time. They feel that it slips away, that they are always running to keep up with the passing of time, that they can’t even trust themselves to be on time for things and keep a very loose schedule, if any at all, just in case they want to do something else. They want to leave their options open. That might be an interesting strategy as a teenager but for an adult with certain responsibilities such as a job or children or even looking after themselves, leaving your options open to see what happens or what shows up isn’t the best strategy if you want to achieve specific outcomes.
It’s been said by many that those with ADHD are immature. The dictionary defines immature as having or showing an emotional or intellectual development appropriate to someone younger; not fully developed. After working with adults with or without ADHD but definitely sporting underdeveloped Executive Function skills, I can see how we are immature because we haven’t been shaped or shaped ourselves into a mature, responsible, yet fun-loving adult who enjoys every moment of their life. Does this sound like pie in the sky? It’s not. You can be both responsible and spontaneous if you learn how to balance both and integrate them into your life.
Some of you aren’t succeeding as fully as you might because you are missing pre-skills. If I were to assess your Executive Function skills such as planning or scheduling or inhibiting or task monitoring, you might score just fine; it happens. However, if you are still not at the top of your game, maybe you jumped ahead and developed the essential Executive Function skills but skipped over the Executive Function pre-skills because you didn’t see the value or importance of them. And now, you are suffering because of that decision.
There is a specific order to the development of skills; pre-skills and core skills. This is true because they build on as well as integrate into each other. Learning something as a stand-alone is expecting yourself to learn it, remember it, and actually use it when and where it is needed. That’s different than coming to know something and integrating it so it becomes an automatic part of you.
As children, we need scaffold support. Think of a two-wheeler bicycle with training wheels. We need the training wheels in the beginning, then we can take them off, or bring them up higher, or have a parent running behind us. And the parent is close by, and then they’re further and further away. This is scaffold learning; they're not going to let us fall. We have the support until we don't need it. And that's how I structure what I teach because I know that it works. This is how we learn. This is what we need. And, we have to undo the things that we learned that allowed us to cope but not succeed. Instead, we need to install new things that allow us to do better. It takes time to unlearn and relearn and integrate for a sustainable, successful life. For things to change, we have to change and that is an inside job. And when you change in this way, you’re changing for life.
Another pre-skill area you might have skipped over are your limiting beliefs and outdated identities. You can’t outperform your limiting beliefs or outdated identities and so that could be another area that is holding you back, even if your core Executive Function skills are doing okay.
Back in the 1970s, I worked in doctors’ offices for about 10 years while attending university. I learned a lot about what happens there and how I can apply it to my work life to benefit you.
As Dr B, I never work with an adult that I don’t know anything about. How could I do so effectively?
- I ask about your symptoms or your problems in my intake or opt-in forms. Those of you who really want my help share your journey with me. And when you describe the symptoms, you’re usually specific. You tell me when they started, what it feels like, how it impacts your life, what you've done thus far to help yourself, what has or hasn’t worked, and what you’d like to have happen.
- Then I “diagnose” you based on your problems. I’m using the word “diagnose” loosely here, since I’m not working as a therapist when I work online. I tell you what you have based on my years of expertise and assessments. You most likely feel a sense of relief. You now know what you need to address. We can create a plan.
Additionally, the problem now becomes a part of your identity, at least in the beginning. You get told what you have, and you start thinking “I have underdeveloped EF skills or pre-skills.” It is who you are…you are someone with this condition, and you now know what specifically needs to be addressed.
When I am “diagnosing” you, you may feel an instant feeling of “I need to address this. I need to resolve this.” When you get diagnosed by your doctor you may feel a need for the medicine or solution. Same here. You may feel a need for my solution.
- I offer you my solution. However, I don’t offer you my solution until I ask about your symptoms and diagnose your problem. When the doctor describes the problem and why it is happening, we feel relieved and we feel understood. The doctor brings high levels of awareness, value and realization for you. And you feel a need for their solution.
Many of you have been following me for years now. You listen to my podcast, read my emails and newsletters, and yet don’t take action on the opportunities for improvement I am offering you. I got to thinking about it and had these thoughts about what holds you back from getting your needs met. It’s truly a double-bind because you need some of the pre-skills I’m talking about, to take action and trust your decision.
If you are overwhelmed, and your strategies and habits aren’t sustainable, and don’t get you the changes you want, I know you are likely doing one of the following:
- Getting less than an optimal amount of sleep needed which mimics ADHD
- Spending way more time working than you should be to live a balanced life
- Putting your needs last because you have too much on your plate
- Hating getting up in the morning because it’s more of the same grind
- Having things fall through the cracks due to lack of daily follow through
I also know that because of those mistakes you are experiencing:
- You burnout as you try to function on 4-6 hours of sleep per night
- You focus on things as they come in rather than prioritizing by criteria
- You resent that you never get time for things you want for yourself
- You have a flatness in your life; questioning your path forward and why
- You experience hopelessness that your life will never get better than it is
I know this because I’ve been there.
I also know this because I know how to resolve it, and I know how to resolve it multiple ways for all kinds of people who are experiencing these challenges. I’ve worked with hundreds of adults over my 35+ years of expertise. I even facilitated a Meetup group over 10 years ago, to test out strategies and ideas I had, to see how they worked in a group, and how they benefited members of the group each time. From there, I had evidence of what would benefit my students plus more.
In time, I have learned:
- Releasing your limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering ones is essential
- Upgrading your outdated identities and replacing them with who you need to be is essential
- How you manage yourself in time as well as time itself is essential
- How you understand and address your procrastination is essential
- How you determine your decisions must be solid before you act on them
Many of you ask me if my GSD program is self-paced or structured and it’s because some of you need greater flexibility to move at your own pace and others want the structure of a pace that I have tested for the past 6+ years and found to be effective for the development of the skills we focus on.
So, depending on your needs, you have several options. The best way I found to help you gain clarity with your decisions, since decision-making is a pre-skill, is to make myself available to chat with you and discuss what’s going on in your life, challenging you, stopping you from achieving your goals, and what you are seeking to resolve the situation, and move forward in your life. And then, we can talk about both GSD programs – Fundamentals and Fundamentals & Essentials so you can know the benefits of each and which is a better fit for you, if it’s a fit at all.
I think of this chat as a clarity call. I want you to make an informed decision, rather than just dismiss this amazing opportunity because the copy doesn’t explain well enough what is awaiting you. Or, you think this is just another program that someone is pitching and it won’t do much for you, just like all the rest of the things you’ve tried over the years. It cost you nothing but 30 minutes of your time to gain clarity about this and if it is what you have needed for years. And if we determine that neither GSD program is a good fit for you, there is always The Transformation Club to consider, time permitting. Otherwise, we have arranged it so you can speak to an amazing person on my team about TTC and determine together if it is what you need.
If you’ve been playing around with attempting to change your life without changing yourself, you are most likely struggling and making this harder on yourself that it needs to be. And, if you don’t have a roadmap and blueprint to follow, it’s going to be even harder. One of the reasons I created 2 options for my signature program, GSD, is because everyone’s needs are different. Some of you might just want the Fundamentals, while others want the Fundamentals and the Essentials. And now, you can get even more time in the full program for no additional cost, if you want to get started in the Fundamentals now, and then upgrade to the full program in a couple of months.
If you’ve never had your Executive Function Skills assessed, I highly recommend my free PDF, “13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back.” This is a good starting point to gain some insights into your level of development or deficit so you can understand what’s been holding you back, and potentially dysregulating you. I use a more comprehensive executive function skill assessment for the students in my GSD-FE program, because I want to know more in-depth information with the students I work with. However, the PDF I created is definitely a good starting place for everyone. You can grab your copy from my website; link is also in the show notes.
I often refer to the “human being” as Golden Buddha and the “human doing” as your stuff. Who you are is a given, and it’s your mission, should you choose to accept it, to clear away your stuff so you can shine brightly as your Golden Buddha-self. Think of the baby within you; what he or she did was be born – that’s it, and yet people are in awe of the baby simply because they are here.
You are that precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. As a “human being”, you don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. Your value comes from “who” you are “being”; not what you are doing, which means if you focus on “being” the highest expression of what resides within you, you can wake up every day with your value 100%. You may still be developing your “doing” abilities, yet as a “being” you are enough and that’s a great win to celebrate every day of your life.
Speaking of wins, what’s it going to be for you today? Did you spend a little time consciously focusing on the beauty of the day? That’s wonderful! Perhaps you complimented yourself on the great job you did on your term paper for school. That’s awesome! Maybe you have enrolled in a class on something you’ve wanted to learn to do for years, like glass blowing. That’s such a gift to yourself! Congratulations on each and every one of your wins – big and small. They each deserve your whole-hearted celebrating! YES!! WOW!! THANK YOU!! You are honoring yourself every day and not many people do so. We all have daily wins, if we pay attention and look for them, and I am hopeful that you are celebrating them all.
How much time do we have? Not much. So, let’s get to it.
The purpose of a guide is to ensure that you safely navigate your way on a journey. They point out unsafe areas and direct you on the path so you safely and effectively make your way, and have an enjoyable experience. I feel the same way about my role as your guide, and I love guiding those feeling a little or very lost, to the solutions that will serve them at the highest level. What an honor it is.
First up is Time Management. There are so many books written about time management and yet people still have problems with it. I’ve discovered that time management isn’t just about time; it’s about your relationship with time, your beliefs about time, and your management of yourself within time. Since time is a part of every day of your life, without this pre-skill, you may find yourself running out of time, getting behind on tasks, and feeling like you are chasing your tail, so to speak, every day.
Second up is Banishing Procrastination. Do you function in the “now” and “not now” world? Is something supposed to be “now” but got bumped by something else that just popped up and got your attention? Procrastination is a common occurrence and yet it can be devastating depending on what you procrastinate on. It is possible to banish it from your life and live procrastination-free when you understand why it occurs and how to address it.
Decision-making is part of your day-to-day life. Were you taught a solid methodology for making decisions and knowing that they are good decisions before you even act on them? I know I wasn’t. I was taught the Ben Franklin Pros and Cons list and make a decision from that list. Definitely not a method I use because there’s not enough information there to confidently make a decision. I found that by knowing values, criteria, who the decision impacts, timelines and such, the decisions that I know are good decisions practically make themselves. No more self-doubt or second-guessing yourself when you have a great methodology to work with.
Are you settling in your life because you didn’t know there was anything better for you to look forward to and achieve? Do you want to continue to settle for less than you deserve? Or, do you want to feel good about your Executive Function pre-skills?
How’s your follow through? I ask because task completion is start to finish; the complete task. And many people only have a partial image in their mind of what the complete task actually is. I’ll use the example of the free PDF about your Executive Function skills. It’s easy to opt-in and get your copy delivered to your inbox. However, the value comes from downloading your copy and actually reading it, reflecting on what you learn, and applying what you gain from that PDF. Just grabbing it is of no benefit to you.
The same is true of the free GSD or TTC roadmaps. You may see them and think they are pretty and you want one and so you opt-in. However, you don’t check your inbox for your copy to download and review it. Or, you don’t watch the free training video and benefit from that information. And lastly, you don’t invest 30 minutes of your time on a call with me to gain clarity about your situation and find out if I can really help you. When is the last time you got to speak to someone with over 35 years of expertise successfully helping people like us? Years ago, I had a very untrained mind, just like yours, and wouldn’t follow through on the entire task because my internal images were all messed up and incomplete.
I know that so many of you want quick fixes to eliminate the immediate pain and suffering and yet, you will be seeking quick fixes for the rest of your life because the pain and suffering returns and you have to fix it again and again. How many years have you been doing that? Wouldn’t you rather transform yourself and your life just this once and have sustainability for the rest of your life?
Whatever your challenges, whatever your needs, we’ve got you covered. Structure. Systems. Support. Community. Transformation.
From my perspective, here are 2 important questions to ask yourself to know if your needs are taken care of:
- Do you have a roadmap and blueprint to become the person you need to be in order to have what you want to have and do what you want to do? If your answer is Yes; that’s wonderful. If your answer is No; I encourage you to get a free copy of the GSD roadmap, watch the free training that comes with it, and then book a call with me to chat about your needs and if this is a good fit for you. No pressure; just honest feedback.
- If you know you have deficits, what are they costing you and what will the further cost be to you if you don’t do something about them now?
Heads up to those of you living in the UK. If you live in the UK, and are interested in the GSD program, but finances are an issue, there is a grant assistance program through Access to Work that just might provide the funding for you; it has for a number of my students. In fact, I am offering a free workshop on May 25, 2023 for those of you in the UK who need help completing your application for Access to Work. If you’ve gotten your GSD roadmap, you should also have received an email inviting you to register for the upcoming workshop on the 25th of May.
If you live in Australia, or Ireland or other places, there may also be funding to help you access the GSD program. To learn more about what might be available to you if you live in those areas, check the page on my website – link is in the show notes.
And while you are waiting for your grant assistance to come through, if this applies to you, consider coming into The Transformation Club to start your EF skill transformation with other like-minded adults from around the world.
Life is precious, and time even more so. We all get a certain amount of time here. And when that time is up, it’s up. Are you living like you have all the time in the world? You don’t. Time doesn’t wait for us to be ready – it just keeps passing along. I learned a long time ago that my life won’t wait forever for me to be ready to embrace it and live it to the fullest. If I want that life, I have to take action to get ready and live it.
If you resonate with what I share and my approach, and would like to benefit from more than just my podcast show, you have those options now. The decision is yours to make. The years will pass no matter what you decide. It’s really the choice of what you will put into those years rather than them just be passing years filled with frustration and regrets. Time is our most precious asset, since it’s not something we can ever get back. No matter how you spend your time, it’s gone. This is a huge price to pay for hesitation or indecision. Do something to move forward; take some positive action today. The doors to the opportunities in our lifetime don’t stay open forever. I say this because I have waited in the past and doors have closed that I wish could open up again and they can’t.
A Favorite Quote: Tony Robbins said, “It is in the moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
What a perfect quote for this episode that includes decision-making, procrastination and time management. Are you intentionally shaping your destiny? Or are you leaving it to chance? Do you continuously put your needs second and everyone else’s needs first? Is that giving you a destiny that excites you?
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If you’re loving the podcast, and you would like to speak with me about possibly working with me, you’ll find all the transformative opportunities listed in the show notes. Let’s get clarity together! All you have to do is reach out so we can chat.
There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, so please reach out to us. I’d love to speak with you. There is a lot of misinformation out and about. Be mindful and intentional with your decisions. Time is your most precious asset, and your life won’t wait forever. I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Episode Resources:
Get Sh*t Done Fundamentals + Essentials (GSD-FE) Program Information: (previously known as the ADDventures In Achievement [AIA-FS] program)
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/gsdprogram
Grant assistance page for help with funding for GSD-FE program:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/financial-assistance
Book your complimentary discovery call with Dr B to get your questions answered, and determine together if GSD-FE is right for you or not:
https://calendly.com/d/ywy-j5t-4jk
The Transformation Club (TTC) – if time or money commitments have been holding you back - the affordable membership program for Executive Function skills development:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram
Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
Book your complimentary discovery call to get your questions answered and determine if TTC is right for you or not:
https://calendly.com/amygellerux/ttcdiscoverycall
Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
