Will ADHD Coaching Give You the Transformation You Need? - 108
Oct 10, 2022Hi Aspiring Achievers!
Do you have any or all of the following challenges?
- Limiting beliefs that hold you back and make it impossible for you to succeed?
- An outdated sense of yourself or identity that is a limited version of you; not a version that is able to move forward with confidence and conviction?
- A disempowering relationship with time, where you find it difficult to manage yourself within the time you have?
- An ongoing struggle with procrastination, where you can’t seem to eliminate it from your work and personal lives?
- A difficult time trusting yourself or your decisions, where you are regularly filled with self-doubt in personal or professional situations?
If you're like most of my listeners, then yes, you may struggle with these challenges!
Since I am all about eliminating obstacles by creating solutions, we just created a new opportunity – The Transformation Club – where you can work with me now on all the pre-skills taught in the first part of the AIA-FS program - while you plan your finances and/or apply for financial assistance with any of the financial resources shared on my website for enrollment in the complete AIA-FS program when it opens again in 2023.
In this episode, Dr B talks about:
- What is coaching vs transformation
- How coaching and transformation are not the same
- What makes The Transformation Club and ADDventures In Achievement transformational programs
- How you can start your transformation today by enrolling in The Transformation Club
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript
Will ADHD Coaching Give You the Transformation You Need? – 108
Hi there Aspiring Achievers,
Do you have any or all of the following challenges?
· Limiting beliefs that hold you back and make it impossible for you to succeed?
· An outdated sense of yourself or identity that is a limited version of you; not a version that is able to move forward with confidence and conviction?
· A disempowering relationship with time, where you find it difficult to manage yourself within the time you have?
· An ongoing struggle with procrastination, where you can’t seem to eliminate it from your work and personal lives?
· A difficult time trusting yourself or your decisions, where you are regularly filled with self-doubt in personal or professional situations?
If you’re like most of my listeners, the answer is yes; of course, you have these challenges.
Those of you on my Information List, who also attended the free 3-day live training event – Take Control of Your Life – know that these challenges are the topics addressed in the first part of the AIA-FS program. I could see from your comments and questions that you recognized just how valuable the program would be for you, and that you just didn’t have enough time to plan your finances to enroll in the program. Clearly, the issue wasn’t the value; it was the time some of you needed to plan your finances that appears to have stopped you from getting the help that was offered.
Since I am all about eliminating obstacles by creating solutions, we just created a new opportunity – The Transformation Club – where you can work with me now on all the pre-skills taught in the first part of the AIA-FS program - while you plan your finances and/or apply for financial assistance with any of the financial resources shared on my website for enrollment in the complete AIA-FS program when it opens again in 2023. The link for these financial assistance programs is in the show notes.
What’s great about this new opportunity is that you get help now with a lesser time and financial investment in TTC, AND, your TTC investment holds a spot for you in the next AIA-FS program plus your TTC investment gets applied to your enrollment in the next AIA-FS program.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by enrolling in TTC today!
If you’re interested in a real, practical solution that starts October 14th, then listen carefully. You are where your attention is. If your attention is on your challenges and struggling with them, then you get to keep them. If your attention is on real solutions, then you get to create them. How is this possible? Simple. Work with me for the next 9 weeks to transform yourself from the inside out so that you release how it’s been, and step into how you want it to be moving forward.
I’ve made it an easier financial decision and time commitment than enrolling in the AIA-FS program straight away, if you weren’t sure you were ready for AIA-FS.
You’ll find the link with information about this time-sensitive offer in the show notes. This new opportunity goes away at midnight on Wednesday, October 12th so we are all set to get going on Friday, October 14th.
Ask yourself - is it more important to you to stay stuck by saying that you need help repeatedly, but not getting it for yourself, OR to get unstuck and get the help you want because I’ve made it so much easier for you to do so? I look forward to seeing many of you on the inside of The Transformation Club.
In 2019, I created episode 066 on the difference between therapy and coaching, which many of you appreciated.
Recently, I decided to do an episode on the difference between ADHD coaching and transformation for adults with ADHD and/or underdeveloped executive function skills, in part due to a post from a student saying, “I just realized that the program is actually a transformation program, not just a knowledge dump labeled as “coaching.” No wonder I have changed so much positively. Thank you!”
Coaching and transformation are definitely not the same. From what I have experienced and studied, a coach helps people with ADHD and/or ADHD symptoms to carry out the practical activities of daily life in an organized, goal-oriented and timely fashion. The coach helps the person learn practical skills and initiate change in their daily life. To me, this approach doesn’t change my sense of self or identity, but rather changes what I do and how I do it. And, we have to remember to do things in this different way which can also be a problem for many of us because it doesn’t come naturally.
Coaching is considered a practical intervention that targets the core impairments of ADHD such as planning, time management, goal setting, organization and problem solving. It’s interesting that these “core impairments” are actually executive function skills and they need to be developed, not just have strategies taught to us. I say this because many people know what they need to do in terms of practical interventions, however, they are unable to implement these strategies for various reasons. Think of all the things in your life that you know the practical interventions for and yet, you can’t get yourself motivated to take action and get things done when they need doing.
Transformation is where we work from the inside out and begin by addressing those fundamental limiting beliefs and outdated identities that are getting in the way of the life you want for yourself. To transform is to change something into something else. Consider the transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly. It enters the cocoon in one form and emerges from the cocoon in a new form. It has transformed itself, rather than just adding a pair of wings to the body of the caterpillar. In the case of your personal transformation, it’s why I say that you won’t be staying the same as how you enter. If you want better outcomes in your outside world, you need to first transform your insides.
I love great movies and one of them is “Peaceful Warrior” with Nick Nolte. His character, Socrates, says – "I call myself a Peaceful Warrior because the battles we fight are on the inside. This moment is the only thing that matters." I love that line from the movie because it is so true. The only moment that we can transform is now; this moment. This is where our personal power is. Everything that stops us from living our best life lives inside of us, and it needs to be transformed there, on the inside, so that our outside life can be what we envision for ourselves.
If it’s true that we think our lives into existence, and what exists in our life today is the result of what we were thinking yesterday and prior to that, then changing our thoughts today and moving forward will change the life that we get to live. Our thoughts need to be crystal clear on the life we want to be living, and who we need to be to live that life, so that no negative thoughts interrupt the life that we are creating for ourselves.
So, what about you? Are you intentional and aware of the thoughts you are thinking about your life and what you want for yourself? Or, are you vague and reactive in your thinking? By reactive I mean that you are reacting to what is right now instead of what you are creating that is better for you.
I have moved my focus and attention to living the life that I envision for myself every day. It is positive and empowering, and even though it isn’t yet fully here in this moment; I trust that it’s on its way here. Where is your focus and attention?
When I think about being an athlete, going to the Olympics, and wanting to be at the top of their game, they would have a coach that would help them to be their very best by coaching them on styles and ways in which they can be their best. For me, that can only take you so far, because these are skills and strategies for doing something, rather than being that gold metal Olympian.
When I think of transformation for someone with ADHD or ADHD symptoms or underdeveloped executive function skills, I think of transforming from one thing to another, from one person to another, from one identity to another; that you don't stay the same – just like the transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly. There are so many changes that take place from the inside out. Not band aids, or appendages that you attach to what you're already doing; things that you have to remember consciously. Instead, you change yourself internally. And with that internal change comes the external changes. But you won't see the external changes in an ongoing way, if you don't change on the inside first.
So, when people talk about wanting to get help from me and reach out, most times they're asking or thinking about ADHD coaching because that's a lot of what's in the press. You need to have a coach, and they're going to teach you to be your best, like an athlete. But are they going to help you to transform yourself into a self that can actually be the best that you can possibly be? Not necessarily, unless they know how to do that. What I have come to learn over my 30+ years of working with adults with ADHD and/or underdeveloped executive function skills is that it's an inside job. And inside is where we have our struggles or where we have our limiting beliefs and our outdated identities. These are the things that can block us from even being able to embrace the skills, strategies and techniques that a coach would give us to be our best. How are we possibly going to embrace those things when we're blocked by other things? I can't see how that's possible.
And so, that's why the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program is a transformational program. And why the newly created The Transformation Club is also a transformational program.
Not only have I studied what I’ve done over the course of my life to transform my life, I have also studied my students to see what's necessary for them to do in order to transform themselves and their life. And one thing that's very clear, is coming into the program to work with me creates transformation. There's just no way anyone can stay the same if they engage with the content and allow me to help them to transform their life. I often wonder when people think about reaching out to get help, whether or not they're considering the fact that they're going to transform themselves. And that they're not going to be the same person, because if being the person that you are today was going to give you your best life, you'd already be able to have it. But since you aren't the person, you need to be in order to have that life, then you need to be an upgraded version of your current self. And this is where I start in AIA-FS and now in TTC.
Speaking of where I start, I want to make sure that you know the state of your EF skills by getting your free PDF, “13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back.” Have you? And, if you’ve gotten it, have you actually read the PDF and scored yourself? If you have, that’s great. If you got it but haven’t gotten around to reading it or scoring yourself yet, that’s a familiar behavior from my past. Getting it was my focus and that’s where my behavior used to stop. That’s not task completion, and the benefit of the PDF remains untouched. When you read and score the PDF, you’ll learn a lot about yourself and what you need to do for yourself to be top of your game.
If that free PDF shows you that your EF skills are sorely lacking in their development, and you want to know what you can do about that news, be sure you take the next step, which is to get yourself enrolled in The Transformation Club before midnight on Wednesday the 12th PT. Let’s get your foundational pre-skills developed in preparation for the next step. Get yourself on the Information List so you’ll be first notified when enrollment opens for the first 2023 AIA-FS program. Your 9-weeks in The Transformation Club as well as your investment will serve you well in the now, can be applied to your enrollment in the AIA-FS program.
You are a precious child of the universe; and are called a “human being” not a “human doing” for good reason. You don’t have to earn your value; you were born with it. Your value comes from “who” you are “being”; not what you are doing, which means that you can wake up every day with your value 100% and that’s pretty awesome. It’s a great win.
Speaking of wins, what’s it going to be for you today? You made a decision to release your attachment to who you’ve been living as, so you can get out of the habit of being this outdated you; that’s awesome! You are developing a healthier and more loving relationship with yourself; that’s wonderful! You have made your self-care and me time a non-negotiable; good for you! Each one of these WINS deserves your whole-hearted celebrating! YES!!! WOW!!! AWESOME!!! I know you all have wins – big and small – and I am hopeful that you are celebrating them all every day.
How much time do we have? Not much. So, let’s get to it.
You are who you are in this moment, and there’s no judgment about it. We have all been indoctrinated with limiting beliefs, outdated identities and a host of stuff that gets in the way. You are not your stuff; your painful experiences, disappointments or lifetime of baggage. You are the essence of you, not your stuff.
If you are attached to still being the current version of yourself because that's your identity, and you continually say “this is me - this is who I am - this is who I've always been - and this is who I will always be” - and you want to learn what I can teach you – it won’t work. You can’t remain attached to who you’ve been or currently are. It doesn’t work to stay the same and want to “add in” skills. We’re not a match because that’s not what I do, because I know it doesn’t work. Instead, what works is transforming yourself. You’re the one who gets to decide who you’re going to be, how you’re going to be. Who that upgraded version of you is going to be… that's not for me to decide. I can guide you, and show you who you would need to be to have the life you say you want, but it’s up to you what you decide on, because you get to choose, not me.
As it says in the first step of Codependents Anonymous – I am powerless over people, places and things. I can show you and tell you; I can even show you the evidence I collect of how this works and why this is transformative. And bottom line, you get to decide if this is the gift you are going to give to yourself or not. You get to choose to stay the same or even get worse, or transform your life into something amazing. You get to set your intention for your life. It’s a big opportunity. So, how are your decision-making skills so you decide well for yourself?
There have been many upgraded versions of me since I started doing this transformative work. I've learned that I take the best with me, I leave the rest behind, and I make room for the new that's coming in. Otherwise, there's just no room for the new, and I would be stuck being who I've always been. And there’s another issue with that. A lot of people feel tremendous guilt or shame about who they've been, what they've done, how they've lived their life; this could be you as well. And they continue to punish themselves in the now for the crimes of previous versions of themselves. And yes, historically, you could say they are the person who did or didn't do those things. But if they've been growing and expanding and becoming more and more of the person they want to be, they are no longer the person who committed those so-called crimes, and they would be punishing themselves for the crimes of another version of themselves.
And I know in my own history, there's many things that I'm glad I don't do anymore, because that's not who I am. I don't feel shame or guilt about them. And I don't continue to punish myself for those choices, decisions, actions or lack of actions back then, because that was another version of me, and the version of me that's here today didn't do those things. So, it's like punishing the wrong person. Once you can wrap your mind around this, it is amazing what you can release, and not carry all the guilt and shame that so many people do.
The first part of the transformational experience is that you need to know where you're starting. You don't just start. It’s like going on a journey and not knowing where you are starting from and expecting yourself to arrive at your destination. How can you plan your journey if you don’t know where you are starting from? Many programs have a general concept of the problems you have with planning or scheduling or following through or keeping a calendar or achieving long-term goals or whatever else there is, and these are the things that you are going to focus on and get coached on. However, there is a huge difference between the lives of someone whose planning skills are 90% underdeveloped and someone whose planning skills are 70% underdeveloped. Underdeveloped EF skills are on a continuum and need to be understood in light of that context. You deserve to know where you are starting.
I've learned that there are many, what I call pre-skills and pre-steps that need to be developed and taken before you are ready to further transform yourself with the development of the rest of the skills that are essential for you to achieve your goals. If you don't have those pre-skills, and if you haven't released your limiting beliefs and upgraded your identity, how are you going to step into developing the skills that are essential for you to achieve your long-term goals or even immediate goals? You won't be the person that can do that.
There is no perfect time or better time than right now, because now is the only time we have to change the trajectory of our lives. Many people talk about how full their life is and how busy they are with stuff, and that when they have time, they will get around to transforming their life. Am I describing you? If so, think of all the time you are wasting as you attempt to get things done. Many of my students have taken upwards of 2 hours to get a 30-minute task done because it was taking them 90 minutes to get settled in and focused for the 30-minute task. If I am describing your life, imagine how much time is being wasted when it is taking you 4x the amount of time for every task?
Everybody has the same amount of time. We all get 24 hours a day. I work on a 16-hour day because 8 hours is for sleep. So, I know I have 16 hours to use beyond the 8 hours I use for sleep. And the 8 hours of sleep is not negotiable; it's sacred. So, with 16 hours a day to use, those 16 hours have to make it possible for me to be able to achieve what needs to be achieved in each day that I have planned to achieve. This requires me to be able to manage myself in time; not just manage time. And you have the same amount of time as me. Are you skilled at managing your time as well as yourself within your time? We all have the same amount of time. And isn't it fascinating how some people are able to get so much done in their 16 hours a day, and others barely scratched the surface. It isn't the amount of time that's available; it's how you manage yourself in the time that's available.
This is a pre-skill that I teach because if every single day of your life that you want to be achieving things, whether with work, personal or both, and you have 16 hours, and you haven't learned how to manage yourself within those 16 hours, then how will you ever get things done and be fully rested?
And to-do lists, I don't use a to-do list anymore. I used to have one. It became a 10-year to-do list which was ridiculous. So, I looked at the list to see what was still essential to do, pulled those items off that list and scrapped the list. Anything that was still essential was put on my calendar with a specific date and time to get it done. A to-do list is just a list of things to do; it isn't telling you when, or how long each tasks would take or be given to accomplish. It isn't a commitment to get things done; it's just a list of things to do. Hence, a to-do list.
So, if you’re considering getting real help for yourself, think about what’s in it for you: transformation or strategies and props? What are the benefits for you? How is your life going to change? More importantly, how are you going to change from the inside out? How are you going to benefit now and long-term if you decide to invest in something to help yourself? The Transformation Club is 9-weeks of working together to change your life from the inside out. To help you identify and release your limiting beliefs, outdated identities and lay the foundation for your transformation with immersion work on your pre-skills.
If you’re looking for a quick fix or a shortcut; I’m not your gal. I’m teaching you how to become the person who can do the things you want and need to do as well as how to do them most effectively. This is transformation for a lifetime; not a quick fix. So, if you're looking to transform your life for the rest of your life, then quick isn't going to cut it because quick is temporary. So, what I suggest is you take a look at the show notes; all the links are there. Currently, enrollment for The Transformation Club is still open until Wednesday, October 12th at midnight. We get started with your transformation on Friday, the 14th.
Check out the links in the show notes so you don’t miss this new opportunity to work together in The Transformation Club, as well as buy yourself the time you might need to put in your application for financial assistance with the Access to Work program, if you’re in the UK, the Employment Assistance Fund, if you’re in Australia, the Employment New Zealand, if you’re in New Zealand, or plan your finances for the AIA-FS program in 2023 if you’re not in any of the afore-mentioned locations. Your investment in The Transformation Club will be applied to your enrollment in the next AIA-FS program in 2023.
Being a Gifted Underachiever is a tough way to live. Tons of limiting beliefs. An identity that keeps you locked into the past. Is it possible that you are afraid to do the work that will set you free and unlock the prison of your own making? Some area because they are addicted to the misery of a life, they are familiar with. Many of my students were afraid and are doing the work in spite of their fears because of the enormous amount of support they receive from me and their fellow students. It’s good to know that others are also afraid and that they are stepping forward even while they are afraid. And, it’s amazing how the fears fade away when we do this.
You are 100% responsible for 100% of the outcomes in your life. I learned that if it’s to be, it’s up to me. I developed the willingness to go the distance; to do whatever it would take to reach my destination. Are you going to make it happen for you by setting you intention and allowing the process and structure of the TTC program carry you to your amazing outcomes? Or, are you going to quit when you hit an obstacle? Obstacles aren’t so hard to move beyond if we don’t run away from them. If we study them, we can see a way around them and get through. However, this is when most people quit because they can’t figure it out right away. Things can be figured out if you don’t run.
Do you have the courage to be an Empowered Achiever? Yes, the courage. Many adults want to be the Empowered Achiever but they don’t have the courage to face themselves as they are today and grow from there, wherever there is. So many adults are in a hurry and want to get quick fixes that don’t last.
As a Gifted Underachiever, we have accumulated a lot of disempowering stuff that we need to challenge and shed to make room for the empowering stuff we want to live with as an expression of our authentic self. If we didn’t have years and years of the disempowering stuff, we could just learn new skills and strategies and move on from there. However, to do so would be bringing in the new and laying it on top of the poisonous old stuff that would destroy our foundation for a successful, happy and healthy life.
My hope is that eventually more and more healthcare providers will see the benefits of specialized training in pre-skills and Executive Function Skills for adults, no matter what diagnosis we are given, since the development of these skills gets derailed for many conditions other than ADHD. And yes, it would be wonderful if we had been given this opportunity when we were kids, but that didn’t happen for most. We are being given this opportunity now, as adults, and it is our choice to close the gap now or not. Our quality of life depends on what we decide.
If you’re not sure what you want to do about your situation, I get it. That’s why I created The Transformation Club that’s starting on Friday, October 14. Be sure to get yourself enrolled for this 9-weeks of transformation.
You came to this lifetime with an empowering gift, and I would love it if each and every person on this planet were able to express his or her unique, empowering gifts freely, without the threat of being shamed or criticized. Let’s put an end to that stigma once and for all and live as Empowered Achievers.
A Favorite Quote: Heather Ash Amara said, “Change is inevitable, but transformation is by conscious choice.”
I love this quote because it speaks to the idea of conscious choice and options. We get to decide to live an intentional life and transform ourselves by choice. It’s the ultimate freedom to choose transformation.
Loving the podcast? Here’s how to get even more support:
· The Transformation Club – 9-weeks of foundational work releasing limiting beliefs, upgrading outdated identities, and developing key pre-skills. Click the link to see the details of this new opportunity – offer ends Oct. 12th at midnight Pacific time:
https://bit.ly/thetransformationclub
· Financial Assistance page for those in the UK, Australia and New Zealand
https://drbarbaracohen.com/financial-assistance
· Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
· Executive Function Information List & AIA-FS Program Information: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
· Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Support Group for podcast listeners: https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingbeyondadhd
When you join The Transformation Club you will get:
· Two live group calls with Dr B (Oct 14 and Dec 9 at 1 pm PT – replays available)
· Training on: Limiting Beliefs & Outdated Identities; Time Management Secrets; Procrastination Banished; and Decision-Making Made Easy
· 24/7 access to support in private, student-only forums
· Written coaching and support in our private forums
· A $750 credit to use toward your 2023 ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills program enrollment fee
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If you are seriously ready to stop your needless suffering and free yourself from your personal prison, I look forward to seeing you in The Transformation Club. Be sure to check out the show notes for the links and opportunities available to you. There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, and they are available now. Time is our most precious asset, and none of us have time to waste on solutions that don’t work. I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you. Thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
Episode Resources:
- ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program information:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIAprogram - Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
- The Transformation Club – the affordable community for Executive Function training:
https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram -
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together! We can do this!
